I am so so tired

[Norrms]

I am so so tired, i am tired of waking up every morning with an oxygen mask strapped to my face because of my breathing/ heart problems and the red mark that it makes. I`m so tired of having foggy days when i put mouthwash on my hair to wash and Polygrip on my tooth brush to clean my teeth, i am so tired. I`m tired of feeling ill nearly every day and fighting to keep a smile on my face . I`m so tired of throwing my plates in the bin along with the cutlrey and the despairing look in my Angels (Elaines)eyes. I am so so tired of wanting to pick my grandchildren up and throwing them over my shoulder,run with them, play with them, and wanting to tell everybody not too worry its all going to be ok. I`m so tired of mixing my words up and not getting a full sentence out which is so frustrating. I`m so tired of falling and hurting myself, crossing the road without being pulled back or walking like i am drunk. Of being reminded to take my tablets day and night and the nightmares that nightime brings.
But most of all i`m tired of seeing the hurt and despair in my families eyes as they look on at me when i am admitted to hospital at least five/six times a year being told "This could be It " and all the prodding and poking that comes with it.
I am so so tired.
This is as Honest as it gets xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Linda Mc]

If hugs help here is a very large one.

HUG!

 

[shelagh]

Norms. there are no words, there are no solutions - hang in there dear friend
Shelagh

 

[Bookworm]

Hi Norrms - just sending you a "chill out cat" to hopefully cheer you a little. x

 

[Beezed]

Bless you Norrms,

I am sorry to hear you so down. Hope today is not a foggy one for you. The insight you provide into this horrid disease are invaluable. Sending a big hug.

Love,

Jeanne.

 

[Izzy]

Just wanted to say 'thinking of you and Elaine' and 'take care'.

 

[Grannie G]

I`m sorry Norms. I know Dhiren will understand how you feel. Sadly there is no option.
Whenever Dhiren is on a downer and is prepared to listen to me, I try to get him to go with however he feels, to try to relax, to stop fighting, to try to ease the tension.
I do believe tension makes everything worse, impairs circulation, ties you in knots, makes the fog foggier and increases the tiredness.
I sometimes give him a head massage to try to relax him. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn`t, but I have to keep trying.
I know these are only words Norms. I wish I could do something more constructive to help you.
Love xx

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

So sorry you are feeling so very tired, but thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It makes us carers understand how our cared for feel some if not all of the time. My husband sleeps a lot, shakes his head a lot and says no more a lot. He too is tired, tired of me stuffing him with medicine, tired of being rolled for dressing and undressing, tired of having me shaving and showering him, and tired of having me decide everything for him. He like you is such a darling though and I love him to bits like your wife and family do you. My husband says he keeps going for me and I know he fights on because he knows that I would be totally lost without him. I need him in my life regardless of all the difficulties we have to get through as long as we go through them together. Your wife and family need you too. Elaine may have a hurt look in her eyes but only because she worries about you and how you feel, not for herself. Believe you me the best thing you can do for her and everybody else includng yourself is to accept you are tired today but that tomorrow or the next day may be a better day for you. Big big hugs and warm thoughts.

 

[Nutty Nan]

Perspective

Norrms, you make me feel bad for ever thinking I'm having a 'down' day ...... my heart goes out to you, and you are amazing in your honesty and openness. My husband was never able to do that,he just withdrew or got angry, and we often made matters worse by trying to find out what was wrong. You make me realise just how simple it is: the fog. There was no point in asking him 'why', and little we could do to put it right.

Both you and your Angel )know that you need to go with the flow, sometimes gentle music, or upbeat music, or just a big hug might help.

Sending a virtual hug. C.

 

[TinaT]

God Bless you Norms - I value every contribution you make to this site and the enormous efforts you make to reach us all.

Keep going Norms - your family and us here on TP need you very much.

xxTinaT

 

[carrie99]

Only just read your postings...

Sorry you are having a rotten time again. I have just started having much less lucid days too. Trying to sort out paperwork and failing miserably.

Perhaps it's the weather.

Carrie

 

[donkey]

dear norrms, i wish dave could put down his feelings like you do, because he cant comunicate its like he is in this fog you talk about. thankyou for helping me understand what is happening to him, you are such a lovely thoughtful man and elaine realizes how lucky she is too have you by herside i hope your day has got better for you xxxxxxxxxxx and a big hug xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lynne]

Dear Norrms

I'm sorry to read that you were feeling so down & tired of living with it all. It must be like walking uphill but never getting to the top.
I hope the day may have improved but perhaps it hasn't, it's a wild & nasty day, especially in your corner of the country.

Love'n Hugs
.

 

[Helen33]

Dear Norrms

Your post reminded me of Barry's poem about heaven and hell. Today is the hell bit but you know the heaven bit as well You even have your own angel

I hope you feel better tomorrow but in the meantime I'm sending you a big (HUG) and a wag of the finger at your post about scoffing scones and almond buns

Love xx