I Am So Angry!!!!!!


Registered User
Jul 5, 2005
Just phoned the respite center to make sure that everything is in place for dads drop off at 11am tomorrow, and to check exactly what we need to take in for him, only to be told that there are no laundry facilities there.

Now all of us caring for dad have our holidays booked over the next three weeks, it seemed to make sense, dad is going to be well cared for his nephew is the designated contact number if anything should go wrong, but now we are faced with this delima, we have to go shopping and purchase lots of new clothes for dad, because he has the odd accident, and has to wear a nappy at night.

All his clothes have to be labeled, so bang goes about 30% 0f our holiday spending money, which wasn't a lot to begin with. Dad survives on the old age pension, and we are not entitled to a carers allowance because we share care. Dads home has to be maintained, bills paid etc, and he has to eat, we also share the expense of one day day-care per week to get together as a family and talk.

Our fantastic health service provides one day of day-care per month, and one day per week we have an alzheimer's carer for five hours, which we have to provide lunch for.

Sorry for rambling so much, but I am just so angry with the health system in this country that I feel like screaming and crying at the same time.

Any way I'm away to buy 11 comnplete sets of clothing plus lables for dad,so I guess I may cancel my night out with friends tonight as I will be too busy stitching and writing. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:


Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex

Poor you,you are entitled to be angry. I get so mad that the elderly and vulnerable and sometimes treated very badly by so many people who are actually paid to help. They always seem to be at the back of the queue for any help they need.

It is doubly bad when they are the generation who above all had such a miserable time when they were young and starting out in life, due to the War and all the misery and hardship that came with it, wether they were in the forces or struggling back at home trying to do the best for their own friends and family.

The more we relatives do the harder it seems to be to get anything without it costing an arm and a leg, or being made to feel guilty when we need time out to recharge our batteries to carry on caring for the ones we love.

Does your Dad receive Attendance Allowance as that is for him to receive to pay towards any care he needs regardless of who looks after him. If not apply because that will help out with bills etc.

My Mum is now in a care home and she still receives it, that along with her pension and our financial contributions allow us to steer clear of social services who would place her in a cheaper home if they had to help with the fees,looking around every one they recommend put us off this route.

Good luck and try to have a good holiday all of you you deserve it!

My best wishes to you Kathleen


Registered User
Jul 5, 2005
Everything here is means tested, and because dad owns his own home outright we are not entitled to any financial help as such. We are made to feel under a compliment by getting our few hours per week from the carer, and also our once a month day care.

After Mam passed away it was suggested to us that we sell the family home to pay for residental care for dad, as he wouldn't understand anyway, and this advice came from our health authorities.

I should be packing and labeling right now, but as I have a dad free few hours I am taking much needed time for myself.


Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Lady,

I'm sorry I didn't pick up your message earlier this morning. I'm really angry on your behalf too....!!

I know this sounds silly, but are you absolutely sure that the info you received about no laundry facilities is correct? Ring the home and check this again - ask what the procedure is for respite patients. They may have an outside laundry service.[If not, it totally defeats the whole purpose of respite if relatives have to go in every day to collect laundry].

If you've manged to label some of the clothes, then only take those in because the rest will get lost. Wiser just to take older clothes and keep the new ones at home to label at your leisure for later respite care.

I do hope this sorts itself out before your holiday commences.

Best wishes,



Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi Lady, Jude is right, check the laundry procedures, you may have to pay for it, but a system may exist. If not, can you ask a friend or neighbour to pick up and wash for a fee? I did my friends washing whilst she was in hospital, OK I did it for love, but if I hadn't, I dare say some one could have been found who would do it for cash.

Do check out the benefits, can just one of you claim the carers allowance and then use it to fund some of your Dads needs perhaps?

My Mum had to pay for everything following means testing (we had to sell her flat when she became unsafe to live alone) but when on respite the washing was done. Try not to get upset, go with the flow and find ways to counteract the problems. Love She. XX


Registered User
Jun 24, 2004
attendance allowance

If you haven't already done so, apply for attendance allowance - it isn't means tested. Your local Alzheimer Society, or Citizens Advice Bureau or social services representative should be able to help you.



Registered User
Jul 5, 2005
Thank you to all for the replys and advice.

Have checked all the facts and there are no Laundry facilities, It is not a long stay facility. Have things sorted though. My cousin is going to collect laundry twice a week, deposit it in the laundrette and collect and drop off at the same time. Our main problem is that the respite center is almost 50 miles away from us, but beggars must not be choosers.

My brother is taking dad down there, he collected him 15 mins ago and they are going to have breakfast en-route.

Nothing left now but to sign off for two weeks, thanks to each and every one of you. Stay safe God Bless. See you all in two weeks.

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