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I am so alone.


Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
A lot of sense being spoken Angie. I well remember the terror of actually having to approach the medics etc. and say "This is the situation." - thankfully, William's consultant didn't need it spelled out. He was very perceptive, and picked most of the situation up from William's body language toward me when I was asked how things were!

At the very least, you need to contact whoever prescribed the Risperdol and tell them that it's not doing the job (are you sure your husband is taking it? Could he be spitting it out/hiding it?/missing doses?). My husband's consultant did have to try a couple of medications before hitting on a combination that worked for him - risperidone and molipaxin, along with exelon patches. But once he found a successful combination, William had about two calm, happy years at home. He's now in full time care and is still calm and relaxed most of the time.


Registered User
Oct 8, 2009
I will not let him get behind the wheel of the car like you say hide the car keys, I went through so much stress with his family when I was telling them he shouldn't be driving. At least now they understand but they still offer no support. My sons have been brilliant and do support me but I have taken a break in confiding in them as they have both just had a new baby and they are lacking in sleep because of it. In a while once they have settled with there new family's they will be there to support me again.
It is a lot to take on and yes the dvla should be taking hid licence as it expires in a month and he won't get another.
Thanks for your help and I have taken steps to sort matters. I have an appointment with his gp on Wednesday.
I have a small op on Monday at hospital and I think with this and everything else it is getting too much.
I just wish that he would be more understanding and less aggressive but I know won't happen Anymore.
To think that 8 years ago he was running our business and doing all the accounts etc working 60 hours a week and now he won't even answer the phone.

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Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon
Oh your hands are full!

The others have already given you golden information. The only thing I want to say to you is that I would be tormented for all time if I knew my Mum was suffering as you were and she had not told me in order to save me stress. I would be completely crushed and desperately hurt.

I would rather know what was happening any day. Even if it was difficult, even if it caused me stress or a struggle. I LOVE my Mum, and I am sure your sons do too. Allow them to rise to the occasion as the men you raised them to be. You never, ever do anyone a favour by trying to "save" their feelings.

As a daughter and a mother, please allow others to support you.

Quite so Benrese. I hid how bad Pete was from my daughter and she was terribly upset. She accused me of not trusting her and treating her like a child. That wasn't quite the case as I was trying to protect her. She wasn't happy in the slightest.:eek:

As for taking your OH on a plane-please reconsider. September 2011 I took Pete on holiday to France and it was a complete nightmare-we didn't even go by plane but used the Chunnel. A change of environment can be a nightmare. Pete left two different Hotels on his own because he didn't know where he was. It was only by chance that I found him. He was argumentative and drank too much. I had to stay stone cold sober because I had no idea what he would do next! He was terribly nasty to me because of his confusion.
Please do as others have suggested and phone SS's-believe me when I say you are at risk. Even better the next time he shows any violence please dial 999. The Police won't hurt your Husband, but they will send in a report to your OH's GP and SS's, and this could kick start you getting the help you so obviously need.

Take care

Lyn T X


Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
Right, sleeves rolled up, Scarlett is shooting straight from the hip. You won't go in the car with him, but some poor unsuspecting person might be on the other end of the bonnet if he misjudges. You need to "lose" the car keys. And you need to lose them fast.

I'm sorry to heap more problems on your fragile shoulders, but could you live with yourself if he injured someone else, or worse, due to his misjudgements? Everybody, and I mean everybody, will say he's blameless, cos he's ill. All the accusations will fall at your feet.
This driving thing is one of the worst nightmares. Everything Scarlett has written in these first two paragraphs of her message is what I was actually threatened with. Prosecution by the police if he hurt or killed anyone when he was driving. I was another who refused to be a passenger with my hubby, in the end. That made him angry, but I didn't care. He could get angry for all it mattered. I was not about to put my own life in danger.

Angie, you really do have to stamp your own feet and get the authorities to hear you. For your own sake, you must no longer delay insisting on getting this sorted. For me, the angry outbursts finally stopped as they happened right at the very beginning. It is just a phase, and one of thee worst. It does pass, but people must be told. You have to get help for the both of you, or you'll crumble, my love. And that isn't nice.

I hate this loathsome disease.


Registered User
Mar 15, 2012
He is taking respirodol for his hallucinations but I don't think they are really working to there full potential. I know from reading about them they don't like prescribing them and they say you shouldn't be on them for more than 12 weeks but I think he will be on them for ever. Since starting the donepezil as well he says he is feeling a lot better and his head is clearer to be honest I never get more than a couple of good days and I feel ill with the stress. I have asked his children for help but they don't want to know they go along with the idea there is nothing wrong with him. I told them he shouldn't be driving after crashing the car into a traffic island and after a 5 minute drive with him in the car they said he was ok. A week later he drove the car straight through the garage door. Luckily I wasn't there as I refused to go in the car with him. He says he won't drive again. So I want to sell his car before he try's to get in it again but he won't let it go. As you know there's no point pressing it as it will just cause more friction and upset. It's just continuous and I know everyone on here goes through the same but does anyone get a whole week where things
are good. I don't know if I can last the course.

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Angieballs .... speak to your GP re his driving !! he/she will take the responsibility for stopping him!! TBH my OH driving wasnt as bad as yours but with the winter coming and bad roads i was concerned about OH ability to respond quickly enough if something went wrong, after a quick chat with her (alone) she then talked to him and said that she would want him to be re assessed by the DVLA and not to drive until that had been done. He then decided after a few days that he was not gonna have some 'no mark' instructor decide whether or not he should be able to drive after 50 yrs of blame free driving!! so he surrendered his license to the DVLA (his effin decision not theirs!! ) (i may have encouraged this objection a bit if you know what i mean??) I then sold his car within a few days of him making 'his decision' and although for the first 2 days it was my fault as i was obviously in 'cahoots with these people' he now believes it was 'the ***** of a doctor ......or the government because he's old !! (he's 69 btw) that have conspired against him to 'get him off the road'' but heyho i'm off the hook!! :) its been about 3 months now since this all happened and although he still mentions it from time to time it has gone much better than i ever thought it would :)


Registered User
May 18, 2014
Firstly big hugs.....going through this on your own must be so scary. You have had some great advice here.

Disable the car if you can (my FIL was very resourceful) also ask the Doc who prescribed the risperodon if your hubby should be driving .....it is the a medical opinion ....no relative can argue with that.

The other issue regarding the plane ....if he falls asleep and then hallucinates on the plane you could have a major incident on your hands which is horrendous for all concerned.

You need to be honest with the docs about what it is doing to you .....it just isn't fair on you.

Thinking of you.

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