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i am really depressed at the moment

mani

Registered User
Jan 14, 2016
5
bunny nottingham
:( i have been with my husband all my life .i am 51 he is 72...and still ok ..12 points on the test ..but i have been on this road so long 11years that i am at rock bottom.i read a book called the yellow door and that lovely lady in the book is me ...even down to my hubby saying what are we doing to day ?is anybody else suffering like me ..i go swimming in the mornings ..hubby is ok to leave at the moment .but this morning i just stated crying and could not stop thankfully ..there were some girls there who put me back together ..i know im suffering bereavement and the loss of my soul mate and i wish always to do my very best for him ..but i need to live too and am suffering with guilt as well ...i have not taken a lover yet ..even thats too painful at the moment but i know i need some one ...it goes against all my beliefs....i have always thought i would cope but the loss is so great and i never thought it would be like this.i lost my mum in august due to alzheimer's as well and i know this has made all this worse . a friend asked me if losing my mum had made life abit easier ..and i told her no as i just have tony now .... am i aloan in being like this ? sometimes i just want to fly away ...
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,707
North West
Welcome to TP mani. Many members will be able to understand your feelings. All of us probably have such feelings at some stage of the journey. Now you have explained your situation on here I know you will get support and understanding.

Do you know about the Admiral Nurses? Here's a link:

https://www.dementiauk.org/how-we-help/find-local-admiral-nurse-team/

There's also the AS helpline:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=409

Do you have any help at all at the moment?
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,768
Yorkshire
Hello mani

so sorry to read that life is tough for you right now - you have a lot on your plate

a warm welcome to TP - there are lots of partners here caring for their OHs so there will be many here who empathise with your experiences

I'm glad you have friends to talk to and your swimming to go to - please consider having a chat with your GP about you, how you feel and how you are; we carers often forget to look out for ourselves

do you get support with caring for your husband? maybe it's time to consider it, if not, so contact Adult Services - and ask about a Carer's Assessment for yourself, it may help and can do no harm

I hope it's helped to make contact with us all - please do keep chatting - TP is a safe and supportive place to let off steam and ask anything that concerns you

best wishes
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,054
68
Dundee
Hello and welcome to TP. I can totally understand how you feel. My husband is 21 years older than me and he was diagnosed 14 years ago. He is 85 and I am 64. I had just turned 50 when he was diagnosed. He has Alzheimer's and my mum has vascular dementia. I'm so glad you found this site. You will find lots of people here to 'talk' to. Come here when you need advice, want to ask a question or just want to let off steam. I hope that will help you. It certainly helps me.

I think my husband us further down the road than yours and we have carers who share the load with me. I have developed a life for myself. I do some stuff by myself and also share some activities with Bill. It's not the life I would have wanted but I've come to accept it.

Crying is ok. You need to sometimes, I know I do.

I look forward to seeing you around the forum.

Take care.
 

mani

Registered User
Jan 14, 2016
5
bunny nottingham
feeling abit better

thankyou all for your support....i was beginning to feel it was just me that felt this way so wretched... so lost your all right of course . i have a social worker coming next week , and i have just in nov got the attendance allowance..so i am trying to sort out things ...to help me i just never thought i would feel like this i am a very strong woman... and it is taking some time to get my head round it all..if i can? i will look at the limks when i have more time and thanks for the hugs ...its good to know i am not a freak or something ! i have been to my gp and am going to counseling at the moment ...and i swim ,gym listen to music walk the dog ..take time for myself ..use the app headspace...i do all the things you are supposed to do to look after yourself and really tony is still ok? so i feel only despair for the future ... but i know where to come now!
so thankyou again for listening...or is it reading?
 

CJinUSA

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
1,121
eastern USA
thankyou all for your support....i was beginning to feel it was just me that felt this way so wretched... so lost your all right of course . i have a social worker coming next week , and i have just in nov got the attendance allowance..so i am trying to sort out things ...to help me i just never thought i would feel like this i am a very strong woman... and it is taking some time to get my head round it all..if i can? i will look at the limks when i have more time and thanks for the hugs ...its good to know i am not a freak or something ! i have been to my gp and am going to counseling at the moment ...and i swim ,gym listen to music walk the dog ..take time for myself ..use the app headspace...i do all the things you are supposed to do to look after yourself and really tony is still ok? so i feel only despair for the future ... but i know where to come now!
so thankyou again for listening...or is it reading?
I just found your thread. I have a second link to information about compassion fatigue to offer, this one from a nursing group in the U.S. Such feelings of being overwhelmed are common, and it occurs with staff in nursing homes as well as those of us private carers, as these boards attest. I liked this article and thought I'd share it.

http://nursesusa.org/safety_compassion_fatigue.asp
 

keegan2

Registered User
Jan 11, 2015
190
Hi, my partner is 63 and I turn 52 next week. I am not ashamed to say I hope this journey I am on at the moment does not last to long, I am young still I have a young son and I need to live for him and myself, I need to do all the things I had envisaged doing with my partner on my own, I need to get out and be free again I need to be me, I am a happy soul and I don't want to watch my partner suffer anymore than he needs to. When he was first diagnosed we managed to do many things party, holiday and spend quality time with the family I realise now those days again and there is no hope of getting those days back, his smile is no longer there, the glint in his eyes has disappeared, he is fit and healthy but his soul is lost..............sorry