I am new and a very confussed and concern care giver


Registered User
Mar 2, 2005
Dear all,

This is my first posting on this wonderful forum for the support of AD.

It is my mum that is diagnosed of having Alzheimer's and I am now the care giver until a further discussion with my family members. I am the only son in the family and mother is so attached to me and so am I to her.

It is a great impact to me and I am trying to get the best medicine for her.

I am new and not knowing which threat to start with, so I am choosing this thread as my starting point. Would hope to get more help from everyone out there.

Robert W :confused:


Registered User
Jul 4, 2004
Hi Robertw

Welcome to TP, you will find this a very useful site for support and help with most things, if you have a specific question to ask, just click on New Thread on the home page and you will soon find help from other members.



Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
Dear Robert, Welcome to T/P i hope you find this site as helpful as i have it as been my lifeline at times because i know that everyone here is in the same position as myself a carer.We also have our lighter moments laughter as well as tears!I am sure you will find someone here who as a answer for any problems you may have or if you just want a good rant thats fine as well. storm


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
Hi Robert
Welcome to TP.
Give us a rundown where you are at presrnt with caring for Mum.
I f you can give a picture of you life as it is we can try to give you some advice and help from our own experiences,and we have plenty.
Post as often as you wish
best wishes
Norman :confused: me too


Registered User
Mar 13, 2005
Help available

Robert - It is awful when U get the diagnosis - my mother-law-has just been diagnosed at 94 - although all our family knew 3 years ago what was wrong. Family have been coping for this time, but once diagnosis is made, Social Services and charities will offer lots of help (check out your local charities and services) although it's difficult 2 sort this unless everyone agrees (often those affected and other family members are in denial - so it's very hard to get help unless everyone concerned agrees). We were lucky: our sister-in-law went on holiday for a month (having refused help for 3 years) and so we attended the meeting to discuss Mum's care after diagnosis; because we are moving 200 miles away, we were insistent that proper care should be arranged; suddenly, everything was dealt with and we are now sure that Mum will be taken care of, except for the fact that it was planned that she would receive drugs which NICE have now decided are not cost-effective - so since there is a long waiting list, she will probably not get. However, she is getting day-care, help from a local charity, etc., - we could not hope for better care!
From experience, best hints are: don't worry the person with questions or decisions (they do get very fretful if changes are made or sudden decisions are required). Don't give too many choices - eg ask "cold drink or hot drink" when taking for meal out - & "fish & chips or burger" - treat as you would a small child. People with Alzheimers get agitated if they are given too many choices because they find it hard to think & make decisions; if they get aggressive, it is usually because they have been faced with a decision or a new situation they cannot deal with - so avoid these; the familiar is always preferable.


Registered User
Aug 22, 2006
hallo i just right

hi this is my first time in tp and i have just read this note and i think it is just right in what you say i was told i have a/d last friday and it has not sank in yet i dont think the problem is what should i be thinking because my head is going round and round and i am just starting with it if there is help out ther it would be helpfull reading some of these tp tells me it is not just a hand full of people out there that has ad thanks for listerning


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
welcome grass!

hello grass ..... welcome to TP. i'm not at all surprised that your head is going round and round ........ i guess most any of us who were given any diagnosis would have their heads going round and round this soon after the event. it's always frightening to know that we're not well in some way ..... there's no getting away from that ........ but there's lots of info around this site ..... and a good bunch of people to offer support and point you in the right direction.



Registered User
Aug 14, 2006
Goulburn Australia
A New Novice Member.

Hello All,
My mother also has A D I have been careing for her for about four year while she lived at her home by her self,During the early part of last year she stated to have falls and became difficult to handle due to her fragility and not eating the meals that I prepared for here.
During March last year she had another fall and was taken to our local hospital ans over a two week period she was told that she could not live on her own any more.
My brother and I then had to have the heart breaking task of putting her into a hostel care,And also trying to find $120.000 dollars for the bond to allow her to remain there.
We had to sell her house for the bond,She liked the hostel but we found there was at some times only two staff on duty including the cook with thirty resident,This resulted in my mum having numerous falls and after a few more trips to hospital,The hostel said that she would have to be transfered to the nusing home,This happened in Feb this year my mum shares a four bed room with two ladies who have A D but with more staff she is happy and tell us wonderfull stories of things that have happened to her at the home luckily in her mind,I visited her today and she told me of the train trip she had been on,And asked me why I had not picked her up from the station,I made a excuse that I arranged a friend to pick her up.
I am sure most of the members will know of this,I see some sad sights in the home as some of the residents are in vegetive states and also some have no visits from there family.I guess some just put them in the home and forget about them.
My mum will be 90 in November and she is still much loved by the family,Although we have a slightly different mum these days.Thanks for letting me ramble on.
Best wishes to you all.


Registered User
Jan 24, 2007
my mom has dementia

I am a new user to this site, my mom has dementia, the problem me and my 2 brothers have is that she has recently (1 week) been moved from residential to nursing home, my dad is visiting mom up to 8 hours a day and not letting her settle, he will not let her mix with other residents, so she does not like being in any lounges with them, does anyone have any advice?

best wishes


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Shandy, Welcome to TP.
Bear with your Dad, he is clinging to what he had. He might also be afraid your Mother will forget him if he doesn`t go often.
If he`s been a carer for years and spent a lot of time putting mum first he might have lost sight of past hobbies and interests. If he did have hobbies, perhaps you could re-introduce them.
It will be exhausting for him to continue visiting 8 hours a day, so he may wind down naturally. A week is a very short time to get used to newness, I`d see how he goes.
Take care, Sylvia


Registered User
Jan 24, 2007

thanks for the advice grannie g , we are concerned for his health too, he should be on oxygen machine 15 hours per day, he has emphasemia, but you are right, time time will tell.