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I am mad.

Feeling unsupported

Registered User
Jul 9, 2021
94
0
Dad has been gone for over two years now and I still can't get my head around it and I think I only cried once when he died but we went to a concert a couple of weeks ago and when the band came on and started the first song I burst into uncontrollable tears. I felt really silly but I couldn't stop and I spent the whole concert in a state of high emotion, crying and then not crying and then crying again. My husband did not know what to do with me. I even cried on the train on the way home. I think it just caught up with me.

@SorchaC there is no right or wrong way to grieve and it may creep up on you at really unexpected moments. I think you may just have to go with the flow of tears at the time. I am sorry that this happened to your mum, it is a horrible illness. She is at peace now and I hope that you can find some peace of mind and acceptance.
I had a similar experience, music is such a powerful thing. I was sat on the promenade in Tenerife some 5 years after my father had passed. A fabulous singer was basically busking, the music was beautiful and I knew this was a place my father had visited. I suddenly felt very close to him and the emotion just came flooding out. ❤️
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
1,068
0
Dad has been gone for over two years now and I still can't get my head around it and I think I only cried once when he died but we went to a concert a couple of weeks ago and when the band came on and started the first song I burst into uncontrollable tears. I felt really silly but I couldn't stop and I spent the whole concert in a state of high emotion, crying and then not crying and then crying again. My husband did not know what to do with me. I even cried on the train on the way home. I think it just caught up with me.
it was the key that unlocked the door to your heart. Still happens to me too, over 20 years since dads sudden death & 2 since mums from Alzheimer’s.
Sending my condolences @SorchaC just let it all out, it will be better for you than trying to hold your grief in.
 

Sheelagh7

Registered User
Feb 25, 2022
56
0
@SorchaC condolences for your loss. Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way to respond to this momentous event. My mum died last month and I oscillate between grief and relief that she is no longer suffering. Try to think of the good times and in time the recent horror of the way this wretched disease treated her will mellow.
Thinking of you xxx
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,735
0
So sorry to hear of your loss. You need time to grieve, then eventually you will remember the good times and be able to smile at the good life you had with your Mum.

Take care x
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
1,014
0
Condolences Sorcha, your feelings are perfectly normal. In some ways I wish I could show my feelings for my mums death.

My mother died on the 31st April this year and I don’t think I’ve started the grieving process yet, I certainly haven’t cried. Mum did not live well with dementia, she fought it every step of the way! In the last year of her life she changed into a nasty, aggressive, rude, angry person who bit, kicked, scratched, spat at her carers and any medical staff who tried to help her. It did not stop me loving her as I knew it was the dementia that made her this way but it was challenging to watch.

I never wanted to watch anyone die and wasn’t sure I could do it but did make the decision to be with mum at the end although I’m still not sure if it was right for me. I was with my sister and brother for her last few hours, it was a very quick and peaceful death, she was already dozing when we got to her room after being phoned by the doctor, not on any medication, not moving, just breathing quietly until after 90 minutes, the breathing just stopped. But I hated seeing her look so defenceless in bed, a tiny figure compared to how she used to be, barely making an imprint under the covers.

I didn’t cry at her funeral either, it was a celebration of her life not a religious service, surrounded by family and friends who knew her before the dementia and at the pub afterwards the alcohol flowed as we reminisced and shared happy memories. I thought I might cry afterwards after every one left or in the weeks to follow but I just feel cold and numb.

I was relieved that she did not linger for days without food or fluids like so many do, although she had been reluctant to eat or drink for a few weeks, she only became noticeably poorly the night before which is why the care home called the GP in the morning when she was hard to arouse. Just a week before she had tried to bite the doctor as he tried to take her blood pressure!

In many ways, tears and feelings of sadness would probably be better as I think I am just burying my head in the sand and ignoring her death.
 

blueorchid

Registered User
Feb 18, 2016
86
0
@SorchaC I'm so sorry for your loss.
Two years on from my Dad's death and I still haven't cried. I pushed the negative thoughts away everytime I felt them coming. I don't get that awful stab to the chest as much now - I presume this is what they mean by heartache. I think when my Mum, who is the one with dementia, dies it will all catch up with me then.

Such an insightful thread. It's all rather rubbish isn't it. Helps to know others understand.