I am lucky.........

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Maywalk, Sep 20, 2015.

  1. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35
    to have been married to my hubby for 66 years last Thursday 17/9/2015. He is 87 and I am 85 and his carer.

    He now has Short Term Memory Dementia and to witness how he has changed over the past two years is both very sad and frustrating. He can get verbally aggressive at times but never offered to raise his hands to me so far although he has been very abrasive with his nasty remarks. I know he does not realise what he is doing so I try to reason with him and get him to do something that I know he likes.

    We both have a computer because I have a big WW2 website because I was an evacuee from the London Blitz and hubby had one to play his Solitaire on and to send an e-mail to our son and lovely granddaughter.

    He has always been a fan of the big bands and about a year ago I found quite a few U-tubes out for him to watch on his computer of Glen Miller and all the other big band names. Its wonderful to SEE him come back to his old self and able to tell me the life stories of each band leader and of many who played in the bands as he is watching them.
    I also encourage him each evening to send an e-mail to our son and lovely d-i-l and our super granddaughter and her hubby and to put his music tapes on that hold hundreds of recordings from days gone by.
    Music seems to break through a barrier in the patients brain and it certainly has helped in my own circumstances.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,397
    Female
    South coast
    Congratulations on 66 years Maywalk :)

    I think lots of people find music helpful - Im glad it works for you.
     
  3. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Glad you've found such a good thing to help your husband Maywalk. I hope you have a lot of happy times to come.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  4. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35
    Many thanks Canary and Esmeralda.
    Unfortunately hubby has got an argumentative mood on him and has just gone to bed.

    I have to admit to it getting me down at times but having said that I am still luckier than many, even though I am not in good health myself.

    He hates me to be on the computer and wants me with him all the time and its making me feel as though I am being smothered because I dont get any ME time.
    My computer helps me to keep in contact wth the outside world because I started with Epilepsy when I got to the age of 80 and my family dont like me going out anywhere on my own just in case I have any more seizures although I am on medication for it now and had a pacemaker put in.
     
  5. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    That sounds pretty tough Maywalk, and very isolating. Glad you have found this place, hope you will keep posting.
    Your WW2 website sounds interesting. It's good that your childhood experiences are preserved for history.
    Hope you have a good night.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  6. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35
    Thanks Esmeralda.
    Yes it is tough going at times but as I said my computer helps me to keep in contact with those from around the world, this is mainly through my website and the books I have written. Plus I have a good family who help when they can because they all work.
    I belong to many forums through folks who have invited me to join because they want to read tales from the past but I dont like bringing up the fact about hubby on them. I would rather talk to others who have a loved one with this rotten ailment.
     
  7. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,535
    North East England
    #7 CollegeGirl, Sep 20, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2015
    I think it's fabulous that you both have computers, your own website (wow) and get so much enjoyment from using them. I do hope that doesn't sound patronising because I don't mean it to. I think it's great and hope I can follow in your footsteps. You sound very interesting, if I may say so!

    I'm sorry, though, that your hubby has gone to bed in a huff, and hope that tomorrow he will have forgotten all about it and will start afresh for a new day.

    Meanwhile you can continue to chat to us :)!

    xx

    Oh - and a belated Happy Anniversary! 66 years is wonderful.
     
  8. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35





    Many thanks for the good wishes College Girl.
    Hubby has been up since 4-45am and won't let me rest. He still washes himself so he is already for the day even though it's only just coming up to 6-30am. He will keep harassing me now until I too have done my ablutions. I would love an extra hour in bed but he won't let me rest.
    I hope to call back later when I have got things sorted out and hopefully hubby has dozed off to sleep.
    Thanks for putting up with my moaning.
    Cheers.
     
  9. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    981
    Colchester
    Maywalk

    Hi there. You sound amasing with all your interests and even your husband is showing an interest in music and his computor. Do you have any medication to help your husband to sleep. My husband has a small tablet that melts in his mouth and he is asleep very quickly. It took a while for him to wake up enough in the night to use the loo, so we had a few accidents, but fingers crossed it has settled now and he gets up for the loo. He is still in bed asleep at the moment. I always have to encourage him to get up. Sad part is I wake about 4.30 and cannot go back to sleep.!!! Good luck.
     
  10. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    Hi Maywalk. Much of what you say resonates with me although we are only in our 60s and have only been married 45 years. I also count myself lucky most of the time but husband's need to be with me constantly is very wearing. I sometimes think prisoners get more freedom. I use my IPad a lot for company and, of course, there are all my 'friends' on TP who understand because their experiences are similar.
    It sounds as if your very active brain has some outlets. Look after yourself as well as husband. It's good to meet you. X


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  11. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35
    Many thanks Casbow.
    My hubby is dropping off to sleep nearly all day and is ready for bed at 9pm. He has been put on tablets for the Dementia but they brought on violent headaches so he was taken off them. It takes me all my time to get him to take any pain killers if his deformed foot is playing him up so I can't see him taking sleeping pills. He gets quite cantankerous if I insist on anything so I just to him get on with it. He is sound asleep as I type this on my I-pad
     
  12. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35
    Hi Trisha. Great to meet you too and you have my lovely d-i-ls name.
    Yes it can make a person feel smothered at times and I too use my I-pad a lot because if I do go on the computer he won't let me rest and keeps asking me to go and sit with him in the lounge whereby he instantly falls asleep. If I do manage to get up and go on the computer without waking him when he does wake up he tells me I don't want him and then I get a load of abuse. I just can't win.
     
  13. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Maywalk, you are a wonderful example of the saying "they don't make 'em like that any more"! What a girl! Married 66 years, using the computer like a youngster, and being a carer as well.

    One of my biggest and most gorgeous cyber bouquets is on its way to you! xxx :):):)
     
  14. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35

    Aww Bless you Scarlett.....
    That has helped to make my day because its been a rotten one so far with hubby as he has been today.

    Thankyou again. God Bless xxxxxxxx
     
  15. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    981
    Colchester
    Maywalk

    My husbands tablet is mirtazipane 15mg. It is described as an anti depressant. Took 5-6 weeks to work, by which time I was pulling my hair out and phoning the GP and Mental health helpline. Perhaps you could inquire about that.My husband used to fall asleep after breakfast for 2 hours. then sleep most of the evening. plus naps in between. That has changed and he doesn't sleep much during the day. Having said that he paces about for hours,!!! well we can't have everything.xxxxxxxx
     
  16. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    981
    Colchester
    Maywalk

    My husbands tablet is mirtazipane 15mg. It is described as an anti depressant. Took 5-6 weeks to work, by which time I was pulling my hair out and phoning the GP and Mental health helpline. Perhaps you could inquire about that.My husband used to fall asleep after breakfast for 2 hours. then sleep most of the evening. plus naps in between. That has changed and he doesn't sleep much during the day. Having said that he paces about for hours,!!! well we can't have everything.xxxxxxxx Also it melts in the mouth so could be a sweetie.
     
  17. Maywalk

    Maywalk Registered User

    Apr 16, 2014
    35
    What colour was the tablet Casbow? I cant remember what it was they gave hubby.
    It was a pink one but with the violent headaches he got from them they decided NOT to put him on anything else saying that they dont suit everyone.
     
  18. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    981
    Colchester
    Maywalk

    Sorry only just found your reply. His tablet is small and white. It melts on his toungue and he says it tastes of orange, After nearly 6 weeks it finally worked without the original side effects. So going well at the moment especially at night.
     
  19. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I've seen some stunning films of how music can affect a loved one with dementia, even when it's at a much later stage. Those of us who grew up with the radio probably have that little seed buried somewhere. It just takes a loving person to bring it to the fore in these instances. The results can make you well up, just watching what it does to someone whose only need is comfort.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.