My Mum is 82 and she has had dementia for about 4 years, she had a full time carer who decided to leave, at that time she was only 30 minutes from where I live and I was ale to see her about 2/3 times per week. As she was getting progressively worse my two sisters and I decided it was time to put her into a care home near one of my sisters - about 105 miles from where I live. Mummy went downhill dramatically in the care home and was getting disruptive to the other patients. The GP put her on haloperidol which made matters worse. After 6 weeks she refused to drink and get out of bed. My sister who was visiting her regularly called in the GP who immediately said she was dehydrating and had her sent straight to hospital. I have spent the last 8 weeks driving at every possible moment to go and see her thinking it would be the last time. Then after 7 weeks the consultant said there was nothing more they could and suggested we move her to a nursing home with EMI faciilities. We found one where she has been there for now just over 3 weeks. From being a fit and active person, she is now virtually bedridden, she will never walk again, canot feed herself but yet she still knows us which is lovely! Yesterday I went to visit her and asked the staff if they could get her into a wheelchair so I could take her outside and sit in the sunshine which she loves. It nearly broke my heart to see my lovely Mum so helpless and frightened being lifted from the chair to the wheelchair - she cant bend her knees and her feet kept falling off the wheelchair foot support. It was the first time she had gone outside for over 12 weeks. She sat there and smiled and was happy to have the warmth of the sun on her. It just made me cry and I feel so sad and emotional all the time. I feel so helpless and so sad, I just wished she lived nearer me. The journey is so horrendous, I work, I have a family and just feel so torn. We have always been a close family and this has brought us all closer. I dont want to keep crying but as the Nurse at the home said to me I am grieving for my Mum - even though she's still alive and that I should seek support so I did a search for this site today. You wouldnt let an animal suffer like that - I just think it is such a cruel and horrendous illness. She could go on for years and I just dont know how I am going to cope, I just cant seem to concentrate on anything and feel constantly guilty about putting her in the care home in the first place! I dont want my husband and sons to see me keep crying even though they have been a tremendous support. I'm sure there are hundreds of people like me who are going through this?