I am exhausted

[Helen33]

I haven't been around much just lately because I am really exhausted. This is partly from gardening on top of the usual everyday events. I have posted some pictures of Alan up to some antics on Sticky Pics and it is evident how fit he is and how happy he seems. It is hard to believe that sometimes I don't believe Alan is going to recover from what seems like approaching near end stages I look at these pictures and wonder what people must think when I have said that I don't know how much more I can carry on like this?!! That narrowboat holiday has really done him good but I am shattered. I have worked all day today (which I don't usually do any more) but today I had no choice.

Just needed to talk to you all.

Love

 

[living in hope]

Hi Helen
Glad your hubby enjoyed holiday, mine didn't know where we were and just wanted the dog! I am feeling very low at the moment just put him to bed then sat and cried, must be the lack of sun!!
best wishes
Lorraine

 

[BeckyJan]

Helen:

I am glad you can talk to us and 'let go' your feelings.

Is Alan nearing 'end stage'??? - that is hard to believe having seen your pics of the narrowboat excursion.

When exhausted it is hard to keep upbeat - but please try. We need you here on TP and you owe it to yourself.


Love Jan

 

[Helen33]

Hello Lorraine

Thank you It is so sad at times Lorraine it's not because of the lack of sun You must have missed your hubby not knowing where he was on holiday and wanting the dog I love your title 'Living in Hope' and I hope for you that the sun will shine for you tomorrow. A big ((((hug)))).

Love

 

[BeckyJan]

then sat and cried

Hello Lorraine: yes I do understand - like the saying 'been there, done it and worn the tee shirt'.

Not much help really but having been there my heart goes out to you. Love Jan

 

[sad nell]

Helen and Lorraine this desease just messes with us carers dosnt it, cannot believe i am saying this but sometimes just sometimes i wish it was me that had AD not Trev, and i did not have to be responsible for everything, but , that is not how i really feel. just gratfull how well and strong and pain free iam in saner momentsLOve Pam

 

[Helen33]

Hi Jan

Our posts must have crossed. Thank you for the encouragement - I need it at times. I back off sometimes of sharing my difficult feelings because I have sometimes been attacked and I can't take the risk of that when I feel very vulnerable.

Regarding nearing end stages. There was a time late last summer when I thought Alan was entering late middle - early late stage. Not that I really know what these stages mean because it is clear that it is different for different people but it was when Alan was practically unable to do anything and very confused. It was after a virus. I hardly remember the events now but I remember how worried I was for a long time. It was you and some others on TP that explained how long it can take to recover from infections and viruses.

I am making sure that Alan gets a good rest during the day and that seems to help him a lot. I, however, do not get much rest (day or night) and thus I am exhausted.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

You are putting so much energy into making life as good as it can be for Alan, and working too, so I`m not surprised you are exhausted.

Dhiren has become an old, old man, so when he sits I sit with him. The only time he is active is during sundowning and that`s just about as much as I can take.

But if we have a bad night I can sleep late. I do not have clients to consider. I have someone else to do our gardening.

I do hope you can find a way round this Helen. I doubt very much Alan is end stage yet. He is so fit.

I will send you the photo of Dhiren. The photo I took today but don`t feel I should post. I do not consider Dhiren is end stage.

Love xx

 

[Helen33]

Hello Pam

I've had the same thought myself sometimes

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

When you make sure Alan has a good rest, please try to have a good rest yourself at the same time.
The jobs can wait.
Love xx

 

[Bookworm]

While recognising you are threadbare today I also think looking to another brighter day might help - so what good things have you done to the garden? Have you some flowers & shoots beginning - I always feel spring is such a help with yellow flowers of various kinds.

Returned to say what absolutely fantastic photos you posted of your husband. What a character!!! Not many people half his age could do those movements!!

 

[gigi]

Hello Helen...

There are days when the going gets tough...

And contrary to the popular song....the tough just don't/can't get going. The future seems to fall in on you and at that time it's impossible to contemplate a future....

And you're also trying to keep all the plates spinning and hoping they don't fall off and break....and worrying about how you'll do it all again tomorrow....

I look at these pictures and wonder what people must think when I have said that I don't know how much more I can carry on like this?!!

Helen...people can look at a photo and see what they see. You don't have to justify how YOU feel..

Perhaps this is one of those times in life when you have to "take stock"...re-evaluate...or just take it easy for a day or two and contemplate.

You try so hard to make things good for both of you...don't be too hard on yourself....nothing is ever perfect in life...especially with dementia thrown in.

It's so hard to know what to expect...but Alan is still physically well and can enjoy life ...make the most of those times together...and try to forget the hassles of mundanity...

Love gigi xx

love gigi xx

 

[Helen33]

Hi Gigi

Thank you You are right about me worrying how I will do it all again tomorrow/next week. BUT I will just like everyone else on here!

I do need a break - a proper break. I can't remember the last time that I had a break. Our holiday to Greece was harder work than it is here and although the narrowboat holiday was very therapeutic for Alan it was still not a break for me. My mind is seriously thinking of ways to achieve this and when I set my mind to something it usually comes about one way or another

Love

 

[sad nell]

Helen what where you doing up at that ungodly hour, are you not getting any sleep. Re getting away my family are pushing me to take a break without Trev, i contemplted a nile cruise because Trev and i love Egypt and feel very at home and relaxed there, but realised i said trev and i and there would not be Trev there enjoying the sun and smiles which would make me even sadder.. than I am at present.sometimes iwish for things but if it happenend would it make me happy . when all i want is my husband backand that just aint going to happen, sorry Helen inyended to cheer you but endedop whining again , you are on strick orders to get some rest amd do not go near a garden fork
unledd you really must,just had another peak at Alans gymnastics ohotos i love them Pam

 

[Helen33]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and gentle nudges

I went to bed about 10.30 and was awake again an hour later and couldn't get back to sleep again. This happens when I am over-tired. However, I'm up today and have only had a supervision but no clients and already feel more relaxed. I treated myself to 2 lemon and 3 orange treelets which are already re-potted and sitting in the sun room waiting for global warming

Neil (Dearth) posted a picture of a blue tit on Sticky Pics and all I need now is for mine to come back to the garden because I haven't seen them for ages and I have got used to watching their babies grow up.

Love

 

[gigi]

Glad to hear you sounding brighter ,Helen..

It sounds as though you're transforming your garden into a Mediterranean paradise....

I love the pics of Alan..by the way....he looks as though he was having a great time.

Love gigi xx

 

[Sam Iam]

Hi Helen,
hope you are feeling a wee bit better today.

SENDING YOU A HUG XX

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen.

What a kind thought from Sam to cheer you up.
View attachment 4525
I hope these flowers cheer you up too.
Love xx

 

[Helen33]

LOL LOL LOL LOL

Thank you

 

[Sam Iam]

Grannie you always grow the nicest flowers, can I come pick some please xx