1. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    So sorry to post in this state but have just been to visit my mam and I can hardly write I am so distraught. She looks like someone from a Belsen concentration camp. But she is so all there and still begs us to take her home.it is a living death.Please God let her die. Is that awful.
     
  2. Charlyparly

    Charlyparly Registered User

    Nov 26, 2006
    221
    Lancashire
    Oh Nancy, I could cry for you...
     
  3. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    I cant stop crying for my poor mam. It hurts so much
     
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Dear Nancy - my heart is breaking with you ..... and yes, I have had the same thoughts this week ... I can't bear to see my mum stripped of her dignity - taken out of her home ....... looking so frail ...

    She has a simple faith like mine - and while I am battling to secure the best for her I can - my prayers too, are for mercy .....

    You are not alone, Love, Karen, x
     
  5. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Oh Nancy, how dreadful for you. Of course it isnt awful to think about your dear mum being released from the claws of this disease. In my opinion death in this circumstance is more distressing for loved ones than for the person dying. All you are wishing for is for her suffering to end. That is a loving and tender wish and I certainly will feel that way when dad is at that stage, I know I will. Take comfort in the knowledge that your love and tenderness will be obvious to your mum and will give her strength to cope. She knows she isnt alone, that she has you. Deep inside it will give her courage to face this. Cry and let your tears soothe your broken heart. You too are not alone. xxx
     
  6. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    Thank you Karen and Charlyparly I know there are lots of people out there going through the same as us I just dont feel as though i am coping with it as well as others. I am off work with depression although it is not just about my mam I have also lost my stillborn grandson and my husband has just had a heart operation.
     
  7. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    The trouble is she hasnt got the courage. She tells us constantly she is frightened. I think she knows she is near her end and she is terrified. And I cant help her that is the worst thing. I cant help her in her worst hour
     
  8. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Nancy, worst moment of my week was when mum whispered 'but it doesn't matter anymore' .... and all I could do was tell her it DOES matter .... even if we are facing the end ... (I am still hoping my mum might come through this period but I'm not hopeful) .... I'm off work too just now ... I can't cope with anything else other than trying to do my best by mum .... and even my not-usually-very-understanding GP recognises that .... what help have you got besides TP? You really have got multiple losses/stresses to deal with now .......

    Keep talking ....... love, Karen, x
     
  9. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    I have found some alchohol my husband has hidden and I am drinking it to deaden my thoughts.He is out at a meeting and doesnt know what i am going through at the moment.
     
  10. Charlyparly

    Charlyparly Registered User

    Nov 26, 2006
    221
    Lancashire
    Nancy,

    I can’t begin to imagine how you or your Mum must feel right now.

    I wish there was something I could say to try and help or make you feel that bit better, but there just isn’t. I don’t doubt that many forum users have viewed your posts but not replied - simply because there are no words of comfort we can offer.

    You’ve had a hell of a time of it by the sounds of things.

    I just hope you keep posting and letting off steam when you feel like you do at the moment.

    Whatever you do and whatever happens, please don’t suffer in silence and go easy on yourself.

    Take care,

    Charlyparly
     
  11. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    I have been waiting for counelling since February 2008 I am actually stressed waiting for the councelling as I now have concerns about my work too.
     
  12. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    Thanks so much for all your replies. It really helps.
     
  13. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Ok - alcohol is OK as an occassional temporary solace - but it is not a long term answer .... (I'm not trying to patronize you - I just know it's a temptation for me at times) ..... and no doubt you are scared to talk to your husband because of his health concerns? .... but you can't carry on like this ... Is your employer understanding? Do you have anything like an 'Employee Assistance Programme' which could give you more immediate access to counselling? Failing that, perhaps some telephone counselling you can access immediately ......? What support have you had with your husband's health? Sorry not meaning to barrage you with questions but I am concerned there may well be help out there for you just now ... but I know what it's like when you don't know which way to turn and how to find help for yourself ......

    Love, Karen,x

    (PS: Long on the mixer and short on the shorts, OK? :) and I'll have a small one with you if you've got ice and a slice going;))
     
  14. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    60
    Essex
    I cant help her in her worst hour

    But Nancy you are helping her - you are obviously a loving, kind hearted daughter and your mum will know that. Please don't despair - we are all sending you our most loving thoughts and support.

    BettyL xxx
     
  15. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Dear Nancy..not awful at all.

    Perfectly natural.

    I looked after my dad when he had cancer..until he died..the last 10 days of his life he was in a coma..and also looked like your mam..

    My heart goes out to you..this is an emotional time..

    But you are loving and caring..and, I suspect, stronger than you are thinking.
    You will come through this...

    Love gigi xx
     

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