When will I stop crying for the mum I had, and still have, but she's not there. I can kiss her, touch her hand, cuddle her, but she's not really there. A week ago she had to be moved from residential dementia home to a nursing dementia home, and the difference in the dementia levels is very clear to see. She only has two residents who I would say are at the same level as mum, the other residents seem far worse. My mum is not settling and says no-one talks to her, that she is lonely and frightened. She calls us terrible things. The last few days she has been holding her hands in the air asking the Lord to come and take her, or give me a knife and I will kill myself. Does she really want to die? Is she really so unhappy? How do I know what she is feeling. My sister took her to the GP yesterday and back to her house for lunch. On returning to the nursing home my mom (who is 90) started to run off down the drive and wanting to get home! She became nasty, sulking and shrugged off any attempts by my sister to comfort her. Last night I cried for hours non stop, I could not stop the floodgates. I feel so guilty that we have to leave her there to the point of despairing over what we have done to her. Is it wise to stay away for a while? but then my heart aches thinking if she is sitting there alone. I know the carers talk to her but they are busy people looking after others too. Why oh why do I feel so bad. My sister stopped her car last week and just sat and screamed as she felt like she was cracking up. Sorry for going on, but does anyone else feel like we do? We are empty and lost.