I’m new to this group and trying to care for my mum and struggling

[Sanhet]

Hi my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in March this year. I think she’s changed quite quickly she has Carers twice a day and I go everyday. She gets quite aggravated at times and very mixed up when she’s talking.her she gets very confused .
She keeps asking to go home and doesn’t think the house she in is where she lives she does still live alone.
She wanders around the house looking for me my dad and her sister.....I tell her I don’t live at her house and try to explain that she is at home my dad died 9 years ago and her sister is 89 and lives in Australia.
She thinks someone comes in her house at night and cleans the rooms and moves things.
She says my dad comes to see her at night and they have a cup of tea and a couple of times she’s said they’ve been out for ride in the car she also sees other people in the house.
She walked with her walker to my house last week and she was walking again this weekend luckilyi was going to fetch her and she was half way to my house when I found her it was pouring with rain and she was wet through
I’m also trying to look after my husband who has got cancer and hopefully is starting treatment any time now I am at my wits end and really don’t where to turn

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Sanhet and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll find this to be a friendly and supportive community of people who really understand the challenges of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your mum and your husband too. Her behaviour sounds typical - my wife went through a similar phase - but that doesn't make it easier to deal with. It may be time to review the level of care, perhaps considering more visits or respite stays. Ultimately, as her needs grow you may need to think about care homes. My wife has been in a home for 3 years and is now much more settled and content. Whatever you do, try to make time for your husband and yourself too. Come back here whenever you have questions or just to let off steam. You'll always find someone to listen.

 

[Sanhet]

Thankyou for your reply I think I just needed to let of steam a bit it’s all happened so fast. I’m sure I’ll be back to vent again but your response has helped

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Sanhet.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. It must be extremely hard for you trying to care for both your mum and your husband.

As has already been said it sounds as if your mum’s care needs need to be reviewed. You need to make it clear to the Social Work Department that you are struggling and that you are heading for carer burnout.

Lots of what your describe sounds typical of dementia. I wondered if this link would be of any help to you -

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

I’m glad you’ve found the forum and I know you will get lots of understanding and help here. It’s certainly a good place for you to vent!

Now you’ve introduced yourself you might like to consider opening a thread of your own in the I Care For A Person With Dementia area of the forum. Lots of people do that so that they keep their questions and concerns and responses all in one place.

I care for a person with dementia

This forum is for people who are involved in the care of a person with dementia.

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Whatever you decide - keep posting!