Husband won't get any help

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by jane tompkins, Oct 2, 2015.

  1. jane tompkins

    jane tompkins Registered User

    Sep 24, 2014
    1
    i live in Corfu Greece
    My husband will not even go to have any tests done,to confirm what I already know ( have mother with Alzheimer's ) that he is in early stages of Alzheimer's . We live in a small Vilage in Corfu Greece , and there is no one I can turn to for advice or support. I am frightened for both of us .
     
  2. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Well, you've made a great start by joining Talking Point, and a warm welcome from me. :) You can talk about anything on here, and you'll find friendly people who have either been through the same things, or are going through them, and everyone is so helpful. If there's anything that you're ever worried about, you'll find that others have similar worries, and are happy to share, and perhaps, provide solutions.

    It must be scary for you. :( I know you'll find lots of help on here. xxx
     
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,776
    Salford
    Like Scarlett says you've made a start by joining us us on here, how much advise you'll get that's Greek specific is hard to say, I think you're the first person on here I've seen who's posted from there.
    Two friends of mine have a house the other side of Greece from you near Volos and I can only say their medical experiences are nothing like an NHS one. When he fell and badly broke his leg (not that there's a good broken leg, I mean in several places) his partner was expected to bring in food and do all his physical care the staff only attend to medical needs.
    In truth the NHS in the UK do little or nothing for people with AZ, OK you can get some benefits but unless you're in a serious situation you don't get any form of help just the memory clinic.
    If getting a diagnosis in Greece gets you anything then it's worth pushing for one, but if it gets you nothing then is it important, sometimes getting a diagnosis can be more of a handicap than a help, other than it could get him on medication to slow it down.
    I think the only line to take is to try (and I've done it so I know how hard it can be) is to try to persuade him to go to eliminate all the other possibilities, get the doctor's to check for all the other possible causes like a dodgy thyroid, vitamin or mineral deficiencies even a brain tumour. All of these could be possible and can be treated so for his own good I'd suggest to him he get's tested and if it turns out to be AZ then at least the other possibilities have been ruled out.
    Would I rather be dealing with a partner with AZ in Salford or a small village in Corfu?
    Well from experience there's no help here from anyone, I've always found the Greeks to be very respectful and helpful towards the elderly unlike the UK.
    I appreciate how isolated you may feel but I do too, I get all my support and advise on here, sometime just reading the tales others tell makes me realise how lucky I am (for now at least). Keep posting.
    Καληνύχτα
    K
     
  4. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    I have to agree with both Scarlett and Kevin.

    This is the place to be if you want to chat , ask questions or support. There's usually someone around most of the time and there's a lot of experience too.

    What Kevin says is completely true....there is very little help over here. The memory clinic my husband was diagnosed at, told us 12 months ago that there wasn't anything else that they could help him with. We were sent off with a list of phone numbers !

    If you're on good terms with your doctor you could speak to them and ask them to call your OH in under some other pretence. Perhaps just a general check up and then take it from there. I had a bit of a battle with my OH and in the end I just made an appointment for him to go. He refused to go at first but I told him he either went or I'd leave so did go in the end.
     
  5. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,427
    Male
    Cornwall
    Hi Jane if your husband is in the early stage of dementia personally I wouldn't worry to much it best he keep his brain active , if he does have a diagnoses he may be prescribed medication and at the later stages get help from careers ect , I myself have dementia diagnosed 16 years ago and apart from medication I haven't had any benefits or careers help because I'm still as active now as I was 16 years ago Ok I'm that much older and may have a few more aches and pains but that old age yes you will get a t of information here on TP but like me it will be about their experiences of dementia and they may not all have the illness and could be careers were all different ,
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,901
    Female
    Scotland
    I feel duty bound to defend the NHS as I think we have been well supported by NHS Scotland through John's team at the Memory clinic. It is not just a tick box series of questions. The first year after diagnosis we had a Link worker once a month for a year who called at the house by appointment to see how we were doing and what help they could offer. This system was initiated several years ago by Nicola Sturgeon when she was Health Minister.

    By the second and third year John was on medication so we switched to a CPN who has been most supportive and often phones me just to ask how things are and to see if she can help. She has made a number of enquiries on my behalf and is certainly part of why we now get three days at the day centre.

    It may well be that different areas are less well served but credit where it is due.
     
  7. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,912
    Female
    Dundee
    I feel very well supported by NHS Scotland too Marion. Bill's diagnosis was well before the new system of post diagnosis support but I can't fault the support we did get from CPN etc at the time. Now I have nothing but praise for the care and attention he gets from our GPs when he needs it.
     
  8. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    I would at least find out what if any social care support would be available if and when you needed it. My parents-in-law lived in Cyprus for ten years after retirement. They loved it but decided to come back to the UK after my FIL was treated for badder cancer. The acute medical care (paid for by their compulsory private medical insurance) was excellent but they were concerned about how they would manage if they needed social or personal care support as it was assumed that family members would do all of this.

    I am also a defender of the NHS as everyone involved in both FIL's care and MIL's (when she developed dementia) were excellent. Not quite so good an experience with my own mother in a different area, but still a lot better than she would have got in (for example) the USA without laying out a fortune for private social care.
     
  9. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,427
    Male
    Cornwall
    #9 Countryboy, Oct 3, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2015
    Yes I agree that the all the medical Staff at the NHS and Memory Clinics G.P’s ect are brilliant and give a great services I have been using them for 16 years for dementia and before that with a Mum & Dan and YES the give good advice and prescribe medications I have been taking Aricept for 16 years all great , { I have been a T.P member since March 2005 and allways Praised my O.T's Doctors Consultant ect }

    So I think NHS do an excellent Job

    but in the end it’s me thats got take control of how move on with the way I want live my life 24/7 365 days a year , fight DVLA ect to I maintain Driving my licence for Car and My motorcycle , going on Holidays , all the DIY work ect all this is down to you the person with Dementia ( medical staff family and friends my support you up to a point but its Not them that its effecting is it )

    Please remember it could be another 20 to 25 years before he needs real help
     
  10. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,402
    Beg to differ Tony, no we don't have dementia but all of us have loved ones who can't do the things you can.
    Yes it is family it affects. I and many like me have our lives totally controlled by dementia but we are not the direct sufferers. We are the collateral damage of a devastating illness and a failing system
     
  11. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,427
    Male
    Cornwall
    #11 Countryboy, Oct 3, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2015
    I’m only telling how I myself have dealt with my diagnoses of dementia for past 16 years I also both my Mum & Dad had dementia Mum’s Sister & Brother had Dementia a Cousin 75 being buried this week who had dementia / brain tumour and a nephew 50 years old he has a Brain Tumour and he wants to work but can’t because he has convulsions and cant get employment ,
    So yes I know how effect other people’s lives but to me it’s just one of those unfortunate things in life
    not much point in worrying abut it all

    just to add I have an older brother who I think has dementia but won’ t accept it that’s fine so long as he is happy he live on his own
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I don't know how to quote more than one post at a time, but first, in response to our friends, north of the border, you are very fortunate in the help that you have. Living in Greater London, we don't get a slice of the NHS, as the cake just isn't big enough, but are lucky to get some crumbs. I felt John was not given anywhere near sufficient support, and what he did get, was mostly due to my persistence, which I don't regret for a second. It is very much a postcode lottery, I fear.

    And to answer bemused1, I wholeheartedly agree. As I've said before, Tony, you write with eloquence and clarity - John couldn't write his own name, and didn't know it. And though you are happy to drive, you obviously still have the co-ordination that existed prior to you being diagnosed, and the ability to be aware of pedestrians and other drivers, something which John, like many others, completely lost.
     
  13. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,440
    Yorkshire
    Hi Jane. I am sorry to read your post. Does your husband know that he could have medication if he was diagnosed? I hope you get something sorted. You are certainly in the right place at TP.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  14. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,427
    Male
    Cornwall
     
  15. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,402
    No one's upset Tony, we all appreciate that you tell us how it is for you. Sadly it isn't the same for everybody.
     

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