Hello everyone, My husband was diagnosed with alzheimers in 2014. I am feeling so low atm my husbands aggression towards me is getting worse and Im finding it very difficult to cope. He physically assaulted me again at the weekend and the emergency social worker called the police who told me they would arrest him again unless I could go to a family member, as you can imagine what a decision. I went to my daughters with the police now she and her partner knows what my husband is really like and I feel guilty. I have been back at home 4 days and my husband says he doesn't remember most of it though swears he has never done anything like that before which is not true. Today my husband started on the same track of verbal abuse as at the weekend only without any alcohol as hes had none since the weekend. He was also rude to a neighbour today whereas he is normally so nice to the outside world. What can I do?
Husband with dementia
- Thread starter oliviajuliette
- Start date
Please ring the police when he kicks off. You need to keep yourself safe.
Have you told the GP what is happening?
Have you told the GP what is happening?
Hi oliviajuliette:
I totally agree with cat27. You must keep yourself safe. Don't know how close you are to the neighbour, but now that they know they might be able to help in an emergency (if it ever comes to that). You might need to alert to them. Keep a phone with you at all times. It's a precaution for both of you, he could injure you and also himself. Does your daughter live close by?
Stay safe. Now that the police are involved it's a serious matter.
Is there a room in your house with a bolt on the inside door? Just in case you need a bolt-hole inside your home. Make sure there's a phone charged and ready to use in the room.
This may all seem awful and shameful now, but in a way it will be better for you and your husband if & when the police do take over, as that will pave the way for your safety, and for the right treatment for him.
Please, keep yourself safe. Don't take unnecessary risks.
This may all seem awful and shameful now, but in a way it will be better for you and your husband if & when the police do take over, as that will pave the way for your safety, and for the right treatment for him.
Please, keep yourself safe. Don't take unnecessary risks.
I have been in contact with our social worker who has arranged an emergency care home if this ever happens again and if our GP hasn't been informed through social services I will be letting him know very soon, thanks for your reply,
Our neighbours on both sides know that my husband has dementia but in the middle of the night it just doesn't seem fair to disturb anyone else, however I will get out of the house immediately if this ever happens again, our daughter does live nearby and within walking distance, thank you for your reply
Thank you for your reply, the relief in knowing that I am not alone is overwhelming. Medication to calm my husband is the next step in trying to control his temper, I will keep myself safer in future. Good luck to you in finding proper care for your husband soon.
It is so distressing when one feels helpless. I am feeling great sympathy for anyone in your situation. My husband is at present in the local hospital Alzheimer secure ward. I hope to have him home again as soon as possible. The medical people there are trying to find medication to deal with sudden unstoppable moods, making him get away, out, anywhere etc. We live in France and I feel very isolated and sad.
Hi Olivia so sorry to read what you are going through however my husband who was diagnosed in 2013 with Alzheimers and mixed dementia was acting virtually the same as your husband until I demanded a scan which was done and I was told that he was ok so I demanded a second opinion as it was out of character for him and I like yourself had left him on several occasions . The second scan showed that he had the Alzheimers and mixed dementia. Unfortunately by 2016 I could not cope even with carers coming in twice a day and my husband is in a care home where he is being cared for by angels. He is well looked after and I know it will be difficult for you to make this final step but you owe it to yourself and your husband as your health would suffer and then He would not have you to be in his life. It isn't easy but you will eventually get your head around it all as you have to change your mind set as such. I wish you well and hope that you can make this transition for your husband and yourself also as you need to look after yourself also. Take care Dodie
Just to say I too am full of sympathy for anyone in this situation. I can't imagine how difficult life must be. For elenabois, isolated and sad in France, I too am in France and contemplating dealing with this dreadful illness in a foreign land and foreign language. My heart goes out to you. This forum will be a great resource. I hope your husband is back with you soon in a stable condition. Bon courage.
Were you on vacation or living in France? I am in Switzerland. My German is passable, but my OH language skills were never great and it is very limiting in the services which are offered to us. He never wished to go to the day care program, as he was so young (49). Now he cannot go to the daycare because it is in German and it would be difficult for him....he has to be a bit further along in the disease and by then the daycare wont take him,
Being in a foreign country can be isolatiing, but luckily for me my children are here...and now my little grandchildren. I work hard to stay involved. And I have a network of paid walkers and volunteers for exercise for OH and a few hours of solitude for me.
Hi PalSal:
Only hope I can be half as strong as you. Sounds like you worked and are continuing to work hard. It's difficult.
All the best always. Many hugs.
