Hi, I'm panicking quietly. Cried loads as we are in our 60's and now will not do all the 'retirement' things we hoped to do - he doesn't enjoy things anymore. However am now in a place where I can accept it and enjoy the little things that we still can do together - even though it's now me taking the lead role. What I am anxious about is money. Will I have to sell my home if he needs residential care in the future? I don't want to look after him if he becomes incontinent - just couldn't do it. Does anyone else feel the same?
husband recently diagnosed
- Thread starter gina/ginnie
- Start date
So sorry you have to suffer this as you were looking forward to your retirement. I am in a different place as my mother is suffering from AZ which is a lot easier to bear than if it was my OH as that is your future. I am sure you will receive much support from others here on TP they are very helpful.
Jan xxx
Jan xxx
Dear Gina,
welcome to TP. My husband has one of the rarer dementias and was diagnosed finally in January 2008 ( Aged 67) although we first knew there was something awry in 2003.
In the beginning we continued to take holidays abroad although not long haul, then as things progressed we now holiday in UK but we do still do things despite his rare dementia having affected his vision so he is now registered blind.
I think a positive attitude goes a long way. I try not to think we cannot do stuff but we maybe modify the way we do it to make it easier.
With regards to the incontinence we do not yet have this problem although my husband now scores less than 5 on the MMSE test. I still look after my husband at home.
love Tre
welcome to TP. My husband has one of the rarer dementias and was diagnosed finally in January 2008 ( Aged 67) although we first knew there was something awry in 2003.
In the beginning we continued to take holidays abroad although not long haul, then as things progressed we now holiday in UK but we do still do things despite his rare dementia having affected his vision so he is now registered blind.
I think a positive attitude goes a long way. I try not to think we cannot do stuff but we maybe modify the way we do it to make it easier.
With regards to the incontinence we do not yet have this problem although my husband now scores less than 5 on the MMSE test. I still look after my husband at home.
love Tre
Hello Gina,
I am so sorry that you are both so young and will not enjoy the retirement you planned. I am lucky that we had 10 years of retirement, after George had a Stroke in 2001. The Alzheimer's came later. We had lots of holidays abroad but after the stroke we just enjoyed visiting our sons in London and Ireland and travelling around Scotland. Every year brought another stage of the disease and lots of things we loved doing became more and more of a challenge. Sadly my husband is now in a CH mainly because of his behaviour and his wandering away from home. The incontinence I could handle, it did not bother me at all. I would still have him here with me if I could predict his moods. Now I have to make the most of my visits to him daily, and I really look forward to seeing him.
Contact Welfare Rights they are very helpful with financial problems, just ask for their advice.
Take care,
Margaret
I am so sorry that you are both so young and will not enjoy the retirement you planned. I am lucky that we had 10 years of retirement, after George had a Stroke in 2001. The Alzheimer's came later. We had lots of holidays abroad but after the stroke we just enjoyed visiting our sons in London and Ireland and travelling around Scotland. Every year brought another stage of the disease and lots of things we loved doing became more and more of a challenge. Sadly my husband is now in a CH mainly because of his behaviour and his wandering away from home. The incontinence I could handle, it did not bother me at all. I would still have him here with me if I could predict his moods. Now I have to make the most of my visits to him daily, and I really look forward to seeing him.
Contact Welfare Rights they are very helpful with financial problems, just ask for their advice.
Take care,
Margaret
Hello Gina
So sorry to hear about your situation.
Have you contacted your local Alzheimer's Society office? They will have a range of services that can help you and your husband through this time and give information about care home fee arrangements / benefits etc. Many have memory cafes where you can meet others in similar situations face to face,
Best Wishes
H xx
So sorry to hear about your situation.
Have you contacted your local Alzheimer's Society office? They will have a range of services that can help you and your husband through this time and give information about care home fee arrangements / benefits etc. Many have memory cafes where you can meet others in similar situations face to face,
Best Wishes
H xx
Hi Gina
My husband was diagnosed with AD in February this year so I know how frightening it all is. We go to a memory cafe twice a month and also melodies for memories where everyone has a good sing. Try to find things to do together and get in touch with Age UK too as they have memory advisors who have given me a lot of help and advice.
This forum is also a good place to find help and advice and although I do not post very much I have learnt a lot from just reading the posts on here.
There are so many carers here who have so much experience and are so willing to help anyone new to this forum that you will not feel alone.
My thoughts are with you.
Jel
My husband was diagnosed with AD in February this year so I know how frightening it all is. We go to a memory cafe twice a month and also melodies for memories where everyone has a good sing. Try to find things to do together and get in touch with Age UK too as they have memory advisors who have given me a lot of help and advice.
This forum is also a good place to find help and advice and although I do not post very much I have learnt a lot from just reading the posts on here.
There are so many carers here who have so much experience and are so willing to help anyone new to this forum that you will not feel alone.
My thoughts are with you.
Jel
Fact sheets
So sorry Gina to read that your husband's condition means missing things you and he were looking forward to. It's natural that you should feel cheated, as you don't feel ready, at your ages, to slow down.
Worries about finances and being forced to sell your home can't be helping the way you feel, but you might find reassurance if you look at one of the Fact sheets on this website. Scroll to the top, click on Alzheimer's Association Fact Sheets, and look at 468, under finance. The way I read it, it looks as though you can keep your shared house as long as you're living there.
I share your worry, but three years after my husband's diagnosis of Alzheimer's, and six years after he first asked the GP about it, we are still at home, no incontinence yet that I'm aware of! So you might find there are still things you can do. And you might even find that ,come the day, you discover resources you didn't know you had, and cope!
So sorry Gina to read that your husband's condition means missing things you and he were looking forward to. It's natural that you should feel cheated, as you don't feel ready, at your ages, to slow down.
Worries about finances and being forced to sell your home can't be helping the way you feel, but you might find reassurance if you look at one of the Fact sheets on this website. Scroll to the top, click on Alzheimer's Association Fact Sheets, and look at 468, under finance. The way I read it, it looks as though you can keep your shared house as long as you're living there.
I share your worry, but three years after my husband's diagnosis of Alzheimer's, and six years after he first asked the GP about it, we are still at home, no incontinence yet that I'm aware of! So you might find there are still things you can do. And you might even find that ,come the day, you discover resources you didn't know you had, and cope!
Also, have you considered approaching your GP for some counselling? It may help to talk through your feelings with someone who will be non-judgmental.
Please make sure that you look after yourself.
Best wishes xxx
Please make sure that you look after yourself.
Best wishes xxx
Denial
My husband had brain scan which confirmed he had Alzheimer's. I expected it really ,I was glad I in a way to have reasons and a name for his behaviour. But he does not accept it at all, it is a mixup, he's just forgetful ! I have to tell people he has dementia
Such as at the bank or hospital where he goes to eye clinic. He immediately denies it. Is this normal ! He isn't bad yet but is very forgetful has fixations on things at times. And sudden mood changes. I find it best to take one day at a time, try not to get I impatient and walk away from situations. I have only just joined this group.
Lanky lass
My husband had brain scan which confirmed he had Alzheimer's. I expected it really ,I was glad I in a way to have reasons and a name for his behaviour. But he does not accept it at all, it is a mixup, he's just forgetful ! I have to tell people he has dementia
Such as at the bank or hospital where he goes to eye clinic. He immediately denies it. Is this normal ! He isn't bad yet but is very forgetful has fixations on things at times. And sudden mood changes. I find it best to take one day at a time, try not to get I impatient and walk away from situations. I have only just joined this group.
Lanky lass
help
Has anyone with hubby with early stages Alzheimers ever been able to claim a reduction in their community charge. Also, would I be entitled to a disable badge for my car.
On the VERY RARE occasion he agrees to meet up with our brother in law for a drink in the afternoon. This has only happened 3 times and each time hubby either stands in the wrong place or goes walkabout thinking he will meet up with him. On these occasions I get a frantic phone call -have to jump in the car , find hubby and drop him off again. I seem to be travelling at warp 9 and praying no speed cameras! Double yellow lines seem to be everywhere in this city.
I want to encourage him to go out without me but it is getting more and more difficult.
Last week I was in a Metro station waiting for our train when another pulled up and hubby jumped on. I dashed on to get him off and found he had left our shopping on! Luckily a young man had seen this and threw the packages to me on the station. What people must have thought!!
Has anyone with hubby with early stages Alzheimers ever been able to claim a reduction in their community charge. Also, would I be entitled to a disable badge for my car.
On the VERY RARE occasion he agrees to meet up with our brother in law for a drink in the afternoon. This has only happened 3 times and each time hubby either stands in the wrong place or goes walkabout thinking he will meet up with him. On these occasions I get a frantic phone call -have to jump in the car , find hubby and drop him off again. I seem to be travelling at warp 9 and praying no speed cameras! Double yellow lines seem to be everywhere in this city.
I want to encourage him to go out without me but it is getting more and more difficult.
Last week I was in a Metro station waiting for our train when another pulled up and hubby jumped on. I dashed on to get him off and found he had left our shopping on! Luckily a young man had seen this and threw the packages to me on the station. What people must have thought!!
This is almost an exact description of my situation since husband was diagnosed earlier this year. His current obsession is locking and checking and he often does this so much he walks out and leaves the front door unlocked!
It is vitally important that the spouse or carer in this kind of relationship looks after their own health because I sometimes think my head is going to explode! Swimming two or three times a week is my escape. We also go for long walks when possible with perhaps coffee in a classy place at the end of it. I am learning to treat us while we can.
Today we've had a letter from the DVLA to say my Husband has to have a yearly driving license, well hes gone mad , hes not going to see any doctor again, says hes driving is fine , nothing wrong with how he drives,wont except hes in the early stages of Alzheimers, He on the 10mg of Donepezil, ive fill out all the forms but got to get him to get a photo taken , I'm at my wits end,
Hi I'm Chris, and my husband was diagnosed with early dementia three months ago. He had a brain scan but the doctor didn't say what was on it. I haven't told my husband because he's not really bad. I feel the doctor may be wrong. He's not able to drive and it's driving him mad. He's not forgetful but can get mixed up sometimes. He's not really interested in anything I am the driving fours in what we do and what we eat. I feel I have turned into his mother. Is it normal to sit and sit like he does? His hands feel shaky when I touch them, is this normal? He say's his legs can't move as they did. He lags behind me when we're walking is this normal. I have had no advice from anyone. I was told someone would pop to see me, but no back up. Has he really goy it I ask myself. Chris
