Thank you so much for you replies. The statement 'don' t panic' made me stop and think, yes I was panicking. I've calmed down now and think maybe if he really doesn't want the doctors involved yet then so be it, just for now. I understand things can go on for some time, he still can function well as long as there's no problems to solve or things to organise. The memory problems I have got use to over the last few years. Maybe I just need to adjust to this new stage. It's so wonderful to have other who know what it's like and care. Sending love to all going through this terrible illness.
This is interesting. In the early stages, I knew my mum had dementia because I saw/spoke to her more than the only other family member - my brother. I knew because I'd researched dementia years ago when I went into early meno and thought I had it! I knew because I'd discovered this wonderful site and had been reading the posts for years. I knew because mum could have been a poster girl for Alzheimers, exhibiting all the 'classic' behaviours and problems. But mum was healthy, hadn't seen a doctor for years and was living on her own, independently, many miles away. We were not close and I only saw her for a few hours every couple of months.
I knew there was zero chance of a diagnosis. I struggled over what to do then realised it made little difference to mum at that time. She didn't actually need help and wouldn't have accepted it anyway. She had a little insight at that point and would sometimes say, 'I'm always getting mixed up these days.' I decided just to watch and wait and that did work for a while. I'm certain a diagnosis would not have changed what happened. (There was a fall, hospital then things got really bad and I had to move mum from there to a care home.)
Many people expect action following a diagnosis, whether that is meds, help, support, further appointments, etc. Most people are disappointed! Often the experience of diagnosis is, 'Yes - he/she has dementia.' If you're lucky you get a sympathetic smile and a bunch of leaflets. What you don't get is much in the way of help and your day to day life will not change one iota.
So maybe there would be nothing to gain from a diagnosis for your husband at this point. I do think it's important to keep a record of things though, detailing changes in his behaviour or lapses in thinking that would indicate deterioration. You do have the option of writing to his doctor giving this info and detailing your concerns. They dont have to talk to you directly but they do have to take notice! You might suggest the GP invites your husband in on some other pretext.
Meanwhile, you're doing a sterling job! Make sure you get some time for yourself.