Husband in Care Home so what about Christmas?

[Lilac Blossom]

Not looking forward to Christmas this year - hubby in care home so I am alone at home.

I expect there will be lots of visits by residents' families and anyone able to go out can spend Christmas Day with family. It's a nice care home so I'm sure they will make Christmas as jolly as possible and of course I'll keep a "happy face" when I go to see him but for the first time in 58 years married we'll be apart at Christmas. I am thinking of inventing a story as I do not want them to pity me

Family do not bother to visit and many years caring for hubby at home have resulted in friends drifting away, so there will be no company for me when I get back home.

 

[canary]

Why not spend Christmas with him in the care home?
When mum was in her care home I used to visit just before Christmas and then just after as I had OH and family for Christmas day, but I know that spouses especially used to spend Christmas there. They had to book and pay for their Christmas lunch, but there were lots of other things happening to make Christmas special for the residents that they joined in.

 

[jaymor]

In my husband's nursing home you could spend the day. Just had to book your meals so the chef knew how man extra he was catering for. Lots of things going on and the staff were wonderful.

 

[Grannie G]

I agree.
Rather than spend Christmas alone, spend it with your husband. It might be the best Christmas you have had for a long time.

 

[lemonjuice]

Another one here, suggesting you spend it together at the Home. Most are well used to this and as stated, as long as you book in advance, are usually more than happy to accomodate you.

 

[Baker17]

Not looking forward to Christmas this year - hubby in care home so I am alone at home.

I expect there will be lots of visits by residents' families and anyone able to go out can spend Christmas Day with family. It's a nice care home so I'm sure they will make Christmas as jolly as possible and of course I'll keep a "happy face" when I go to see him but for the first time in 58 years married we'll be apart at Christmas. I am thinking of inventing a story as I do not want them to pity me

Family do not bother to visit and many years caring for hubby at home have resulted in friends drifting away, so there will be no company for me when I get back home.

I’ve been reading the other posts in reply to yours and it will be my first Christmas alone and I was thinking of asking if I could spend the day with him, I’m going to ask when I visit next week

 

[Kevinl]

I spent last Christmas day in the care home so did about 4 more people, it was good the staff laid a few things on we had quite a great time.
I don't see why people seem to think you need to ask permission to be there, I visit my wife when I like for as long as I like and whatever time of the day or night I like, there are no visiting hours.
I don't get the " I am thinking of inventing a story as I do not want them to pity me" bit, the staff will have worked the situation out by now, they'll know who the "home aloners" are by now.
I go every day so the staff are well used to me by now, I go out on smoke breaks with them, I've over time met some of their families, we've spent hours talking usually over meals when we're feeding people.
It may be advisable to tell them if you want Christmas dinner but I eat at the home some days, I could everyday as there's always too much food for the residents.
K

 

[love.dad.but..]

Christmas won't be the same for you but you can substitute with another kind of Christmas at his home. Have a chat with the staff and to find out what the arrangements are for partners wanting to spend the day. When dad was in a NH partners and or children could book Christmas lunch and tea for a nominal rate...quite a few residents were bedridden so dining room space 2as plentiful ... possibly in a care home where most residents eat in the dining room space may be limited but I can't imagine any home not making you feel welcome for the day

 

[lemonjuice]

I don't see why people seem to think you need to ask permission to be there,

Because of this

It may be advisable to tell them if you want Christmas dinner but I eat at the home some days,

I know many spouses/ relatives do eat with the residents,. but usually the kitchen and chef do like to know if there are extras and certainly at my mother's NH they did charge for any meals. May have been also because so many of the residents did not eat 'normal meals' but had to have them pureed and ate smaller portions.

 

[Scouts girl]

This will be my first Christmas in 69 years of not sharing it with my mum at home. The family and I will divide the day between visiting mum in her care home and time with the family at home. It will be very strange but we will make it as happy as we can for mum and hope that she may be able to understand to a certain extent that it is Christmas. I will decorate her room and take time to join in with the festivities that the care home provide. I just feel that this will probably be her last Christmas with us so have to celebrate part of the day with her. We have to make the most of each day now whether it is Christmas or any other day.

 

[Beate]

Unless I find someone to drive me, I won't be able to visit OH on Christmas Day as all the public transport will stop...

 

[lemonjuice]

Unless I find someone to drive me, I won't be able to visit OH on Christmas Day as all the public transport will stop...

I know it would be expensive, but if booked in advance would a taxi service do it?

 

[Beate]

I guess so but can you imagine the prices at Christmas?

 

[SnowWhite]

When Mum was in Care last Xmas I brought her back to my house for the day and we had a lovely time. I realise not all people can do this but it worked for us.

 

[Rosnpton]

Hi
My mum went into care April last year. We usually had a big family Xmas at my house but I only have an upstairs loo and apart from dementia she is now unable to walk any distance even with a frame.
Last year I booked for my dad and brother to have Xmas lunch with her at the care home, then my daughter,husband and me joined them for the afternoon .we were given the use of a quiet lounge and did the normal presents and scrabble we would have done at home. We joined everyone else for the afternoon tea and entertainment,leaving her around 6pm.
It went well,they made a fuss on her at lunch with her "guests" and we were included in everything going on.
I've already booked the same again this year.
Ros

 

[Casbow]

Unless I find someone to drive me, I won't be able to visit OH on Christmas Day as all the public transport will stop...

I do hope you can visit and enjoy the day. Luckily I have a car I can drive. So I will go about 12.00 and stay for lunch (feeding my husband whilst I eat mine). I will play it by ear what time I leave. He is not very aware that I am there. Don't think he knows who I am. Just want to spend time with him. Sit and hold his hand as I know he likes that. Hope you are able to visit. But if not another day when there is transport. Its so difficult. Good luck.

 

[Beate]

Yeah, I'll play it by ear. I can always go the day before or after. The 24th is more important to me personally anyway. It will feel weird though because I always used to cook something nice for us both and then we sat and watched Christmas TV together. Not sure whether I want to share this with an entire nursing home floor to be honest. It won't feel the same.

 

[Kevinl]

I've just checked and in Manchester there are no busses on Christmas Day (Sunday) and on the Monday and Tuesday it's only a Sunday service so there won't be many busses around on those 2 days too.
There is a lady who visits daily by taxi and lives near me, maybe I should see if she wants a lift as the taxies charge double, if you can get one that is
On the bank holidays the care home pays for the staffs taxis to and from work.
K

 

[Beate]

Hey, that's a thought - I could try to carpool with that guy whose mother is on the same floor. He lives only a street or two away.

 

[lemonjuice]

Yeah, I'll play it by ear. I can always go the day before or after. The 24th is more important to me personally anyway. It will feel weird though because I always used to cook something nice for us both and then we sat and watched Christmas TV together. Not sure whether I want to share this with an entire nursing home floor to be honest. It won't feel the same.

We always celebrated the 24th because of Mum being German and it always provided the perfect solution Christmas Eve with her and then Christmas Day with the in-laws.

I understand your feelings about possibly not wanting to spend the whole day with 'an entire nursing floor' though.

Hey, that's a thought - I could try to carpool with that guy whose mother is on the same floor. He lives only a street or two away.

Apart from it limiting you timewise this could be a good solution.