Husband doesn’t know who I am.

[Bedar15]

This is my first post, I have been getting lots of information from the site over the last few years.
My husband has Vascular Dementia, we have been married for 51 years, two weeks ago he turned to me and asked if I had a car and when was I leaving, he had no idea who I was. I’ve checked for uti and he has had a blood test to check for infection, all clear. I thought I had prepared myself for most things and knew this may happen but I thought it would be in the later stages. He seems to accept me being in the house most of the time but other times he gets so tressed and says I don’t know who you are, and when are you leaving. How do I live as a stranger in my own home for what could be many years?

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome to posting @Bedar15

That's something that can happen at any time as the stages of dementia don't respect clear boundary lines.

My wife doesn't recognise me at times and over the last couple of years has asked if I'm her daddy or her mummy(her words). She has even asked me which Pete I am as she sees a younger version of me around our home from time to time. Indeed, she once asked me how many people were in our home and when I said "just the two of us" she said "is your wife not here"!

Dementia can produce all sorts of weirdness. I just roll with it because my wife can't make new memory so I know she won't recall these events.

I wonder if it would be worth asking for a meds review if your husband is on any medication. My wife's dementia seems biased towards Alzheimer's but she does have significant vascular damage and medication tweaks have sometimes helped a little in her case.

 

[jaymor]

My husband did not recognise me as his wife for the last 5 years if his life, two of them whilst he was still at home. For those two years I became in his head the nice lady who stayed with him whilst he waited for me to come to collect him. He was not in his own home, a home he had lived in for 40 years.

He would ring me on his mobile, always going out of the room to speak to me and I’d answer him. He recognised my voice and would ask me where I was and what time I might be back. Sadly he could not put my face and voice together. Voices don’t change over the years, sadly faces age. He was never overly disturbed by this and when he was I tried very hard to find something for us both to do while we waited for me. I accepted as long as he was content to be with me then it was ok with me. I knew he was my husband so that was fine even if he didn’t know I was his wife. We certainly live a weird life when dementia enters it.

 

[Bedar15]

Thank you both for your replies. Things have improved although he still doesn’t know me he seems happy enough and I‘m trying to be less emotional, as you say it’s a strange world we have to navigate when dementia comes to call.