husband behaving badly

beffy

Registered User
Jun 23, 2016
12
0
does anyone else have a badly behaving husband with ftd? This week he has been banging on our garden fence with a brick whilst my poor neighbours were trying to enjoy the lovely weather in their garden, then he got my washing line prop and attacked theyre plants against our fence and then after that thought hed bang the garden chair on the decking all to annoy them, the whole time hes in the garden he is plotting how he can build a massive wall and block them out! this is the man who was their best friend 5 years ago and now detests them and calls them whores and prostitutes which they are not, so thanks to him I cant even enjoy my garden this year,who ever knew this was going to be so hard?

beffy
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hi beffy
how tough on you - a day you might have been relaxing and neither of you are able to
I hope the neighbours are understanding
it's so sad how this condition can be so negative at times
maybe the current rainy weather will chase away this particular worry of his, and then he might instead take out his angst on the weeds the rain is encouraging to grow
best wishes
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,110
0
south-east London
That is such a difficult situation to find yourself in.

I do hope your neighbours, having known your husband in better times, are able to see the situation for what it is and it hasn't damaged your own friendship with them.

I am at a loss at what to suggest. Is the boundary fence yours or the neighbours? I am wondering, if it is yours, you might be able to replace it with something that provides more privacy and would benefit both sides?

I haven't experienced the kind of behaviour you have described but, as my husband is spending more time in the garden I am considering putting in a higher fence on one side (the other side already has a high fence). This is because I am worried about him climbing over the smaller fence - or, as time goes on, acting inappropriately in the back garden.

One lady I know is mortified that her husband, who has Alzheimer's, often exposes himself to wee in the back garden and she is worried someone will report him for indecency.

If you already have a high fence would it be possible to grow foliage which will grow dense enough to keep your husband from getting right up to the fence so that he can't hit it with bricks or anything else? A bit late this year, I know, but maybe something that will take by next year?

We get on very well with our neighbours, they have also had experience of dementia in the family. It's nice to say hello to them over the low fence from time to time but in the long run, I think a higher fence and some nice foliage would be beneficial to both sides, especially as they have a small child to think about too.
 

ridunian

Registered User
Aug 27, 2014
11
0
I know this will not seem to be a problem with most folk with a partner suffering with dementia but I am finding it more and more of a problem , My husband wants to be friendly to everyone , people at bus stops, on a bus infact wherever we are everyone is a friend. He wants to kiss everyone , men and women. He will touch a face if it has a mole or spot , adjust a scarf etc. sometimes scaring little old ladies ! Friends say "Oh thats sweet " but after a while it is embarrassing. He does not now make sense with his speech so will go up to someone and make an inappropriate remark .I am thankful he is not violent, but please does anyone have any ideas and has anyone been through this , before i tear all my hair out
 

Zana

Registered User
May 12, 2016
185
0
My husband has FTD too the social barriers are gone he mocks the people at the new sports school across the road and calls them beached whales or blubber guts who block out his sunlight.

He is rude at times to the point we are worried someone will hit him.
At other times he gets very explicit and almost blue in the things he says.. He invites neighbours in for drinks or offers to do things for people then he forgets he has offered and complains that people bug him.

He doesnt want people to pity him so he wont tell anyone exactly whats wrong but I have started to gently tell people that he has a neurological problem and its affecting his behaviour...
 

ridunian

Registered User
Aug 27, 2014
11
0
I usually say to the person being bothered "dementia is a terrible thing " very quietly and 95% of the time they accept it and smile ,still embarrassing though
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,804
0
Ireland
I usually say to the person being bothered "dementia is a terrible thing " very quietly and 95% of the time they accept it and smile ,still embarrassing though

Beefy, I think Ridunian's approach is excellent. Please don't be embarrassed. Your husband is not behaving badly. Behaviour is caused by this awful disease, not him. I wish there was more information available in the public forum like other diseases/ conditions. With hindsight I believe carers should tell professionals exactly what is happening. The stress of caring is horrendous. In my opinion, health departments will leave carers with this kind of stress forever if they can get away with it.

Sending you lots of support,

Aisling xx
 

MarHef48

Registered User
Jun 30, 2017
15
0
County Cork
Badly behaving husband

does anyone else have a badly behaving husband with ftd? This week he has been banging on our garden fence with a brick whilst my poor neighbours were trying to enjoy the lovely weather in their garden, then he got my washing line prop and attacked theyre plants against our fence and then after that thought hed bang the garden chair on the decking all to annoy them, the whole time hes in the garden he is plotting how he can build a massive wall and block them out! this is the man who was their best friend 5 years ago and now detests them and calls them whores and prostitutes which they are not, so thanks to him I cant even enjoy my garden this year,who ever knew this was going to be so hard?

beffy

Hi Beffy, my husband doesn't behave too badly in public but since the advent of this condition he has become a demanding bully in the home. He is insulting, degrading and pits his entire anger against me and my family. Of course there is no real answer - but what I did was to open up a file on the computer and type in all that was happening - sometimes just getting it down in black and white helps - I have even been able at times to laugh at situations which previously I had found upsetting. I now 'talk to the computer' and write everything down. I personally find this activity very cathartic - but appreciate it is not for everyone. I suppose what we take from all the threads is that this terrible condition is as individual as each sufferer, As carers we suddenly find that we are living with a near total stranger. On the odd occasion that his 'bad behaviour' has spilled out involving neighbours - I have rung them up and just explained very simply that he is not fully responsible for his actions and words. Once people understand that there 'is a reason' - I have found that they are or try to be understanding. xxx Marhef
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,054
0
77
Colchester
Hi there. Most of the things you have all written about I had in one way or another, with my husband. But luckily all of it was phases that changed to something else. The only thing that went on and on were the voices in his head and the (other people) he could see. These voices used to say awful things to him and make him act badly and shout. When it got worse sometimes I used to tell him that there was no one there. It was the weekend and there was no work today. This could mostly work for a while. I could see him relax when he was told no work today. If you think this might be something to explain your partners behaviour try asking. "Do you have people telling you what to do." My husband always used to say Yes. There is also medication to help if you ask the doctor. My husband is now in a nursing home. Only for 7 weeks but he is more calm now after a period to settle in. Good luck.xx
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
853
0
Kent
My wife has FTD and I am finding it more and more challenging when taking her out.

She's always jolly and laughing, not always at appropriate moments - funerals have been a no-no for quite some time now.:) When out in the car, she will often wave at people and I dread pulling up next to another car in a traffic queue.

Our weekly shop is the worst, as she too, goes up to strangers and greets them like long-lost relatives. I am usually standing behind her mouthing "sorry, she thinks she knows you". Most people are understanding (I guess there's more awareness of dementia now?) though young mums can get a bit defensive if my wife makes a fuss of little children.

Because her speech is also affected, she will often start talking to people and it comes out gibberish. Luckily, she doesn't act aggressively (as I said, she's always happy) or say anything that's inappropriate but she does have a habit of pointing.

All part of the challenge!

Regards
Phil