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Husband age 49 just diagnosed

Annier68

Registered User
Oct 9, 2021
21
0
Sarakb and angel4 I wonder if we could catch up or chat together. I’m not sure of best way to do it. I tried to send a private message to you both but can only send to one at a time. Any ideas?
 

Xhanlbxx

Registered User
Aug 31, 2019
13
0
Hi there ,

I am so sorry you are having to go through this with your kids at such a young age also .

My advice would be to seek support through a admiral nurse , they are an absolute god send and most of them are also trained in mental health nursing so they support you through this journey.

I would like to say social services are helpful but it may cause you more stress than it’s worth because they will put you through financial assessments to see what help you are entitled to funded etc and they have a habit of going round in circles ( my family have been in this circle twice - currently again) .

The admiral nurse will be able to steer you in the right direction and support you with an additional support you and your family will need so I would definitely say go down that route first
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,213
0
High Peak
That would be lovely. I am clueless! I dot ern know how to private message!
Private messages: Hover over the blob or name to the left of someone's post to bring up a box - click on Start Conversation.

To see if you've received a message, look for the little envelope icon next to your name at the top right of the page. The red number shows the number of messages you have and you can click to go to them.

I'm on a PC - I'm afraid I have no idea how it all looks on a phone but imagine it will be similar...
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
Private messages: Hover over the blob or name to the left of someone's post to bring up a box - click on Start Conversation.

To see if you've received a message, look for the little envelope icon next to your name at the top right of the page. The red number shows the number of messages you have and you can click to go to them.

I'm on a PC - I'm afraid I have no idea how it all looks on a phone but imagine it will be similar...
On a phone it’s the same - just click on the name of the person and then click on ‘start conversation’.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,196
0
Yorkshire
hi @Annier68 @Sarahkb @Angel 4

of course members may PM each other
though for online safety and anonymity we do suggest keeping to posting on the open forums, and then others ( especially new members as they join, and visitors who only read) can benefit from the support, suggestions and experiences you share

maybe start a separate thread in this forum largely for the 3 of you to support each other and then other members can read and join in
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
Maybe the most important point here is that Social Services and their support are very variable both depending on your postcode and on the variables of your precise situation. I often read people posting on here as if SS was the only solution. But they aren’t and you may have to track alternatives down which they quite probably won’t tell you about - whether it’s via an Admiral nurse, a charity, a company or a carers’ or community centre.

We were self-funding so got no SS support at the start (indeed almost the opposite of support), but many years later we did get support, (even though we were still self-funding), when we reached a real crisis point and had moved house and much more. Before we got to that point I organised our own support from various different sources. It was like a job of work to get it all in place but it was worth it.
 

Sarahkb

Registered User
Apr 3, 2022
12
0
Maybe the most important point here is that Social Services and their support are very variable both depending on your postcode and on the variables of your precise situation. I often read people posting on here as if SS was the only solution. But they aren’t and you may have to track alternatives down which they quite probably won’t tell you about - whether it’s via an Admiral nurse, a charity, a company or a carers’ or community centre.

We were self-funding so got no SS support at the start (indeed almost the opposite of support), but many years later we did get support, (even though we were still self-funding), when we reached a real crisis point and had moved house and much more. Before we got to that point I organised our own support from various different sources. It was like a job of work to get it all in place but it was worth it.
So far the social worker has been great so fingers crossed. I am filling in the financial assessment form etc. does anyone know if claims for critical illness etc count as your assets? I’m relying on this to pay our mortgage and keep the home it seems really unfair if this is counted.
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
K
So far the social worker has been great so fingers crossed. I am filling in the financial assessment form etc. does anyone know if claims for critical illness etc count as your assets? I’m relying on this to pay our mortgage and keep the home it seems really unfair if this is counted.
are you asking whether the value of the house counts towards your husband’s assets for assessment for care costs? In which case the answer is no, I think, since you are all living in it. It may also be that the value of the house is divided between you depending on your own title. Being a tenant in common with your husband is the best arrangement usually.

If you are asking whether you can claim benefits to cover the cost of your mortgage, the answer is that I don’t know, I’m afraid. Hopefully someone else will.
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
K
So far the social worker has been great so fingers crossed. I am filling in the financial assessment form etc. does anyone know if claims for critical illness etc count as your assets? I’m relying on this to pay our mortgage and keep the home it seems really unfair if this is counted.
are you asking whether the value of the house counts towards your husband’s assets for assessment for care costs? In which case the answer is no, I think, since you are all living in it. It may also be that the value of the house is divided between you depending on your own title. Being a tenant in common with your husband is the best arrangement usually.

If you are asking whether you can claim benefits to cover the cost of your mortgage, the answer is that I don’t know, I’m afraid. Hopefully someone else will
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
854
0
@Sarahkb, I assume that you are talking about a critical illness insurance policy which provides an income if someone is unable to work due to a long term serious illness. I don't know the answer to your question but I assume that the income is treated like any other income. However, you should look into this as I understand that only half of a person's private pension is taken into account and so this is an exceptional to the general rule. Could it be argued that the critical illness insurance is like a pension in the case of someone who is clearly never going to be able to work again?

Everything about dementia is unfair but it is many times more so when the PWD is so young like your husband.
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
You’ve just had a great answer from @Violet Jane .

Just to add that in our case my husband left his work involuntarily with a compromise agreement negotiated with help from his union who consulted specialist lawyers. This was much much better (financially) than quitting voluntarily and we used his lump sum towards paying off our mortgage. Although he was only about 50 we’d started our mortgage relatively young and it was nearly paid off (which helped). Does your husband have someone who can help him negotiate the terms on which he leaves work?

I then worked my socks off to support the family and see the kids through school and college.
 

Sarahkb

Registered User
Apr 3, 2022
12
0
Thank you.
He is no longer working so I am supporting us all now increasing my hours and also applying for benefits we are entitled to. We have used all our savings the last couple of years to keep our house and keep afloat (he got us into debt which we are appealing with support of our GP) so we will not be self funding. However I am worried if we Claim his critical illness payment this will be counted as savings when in fact it will be used to towards our mortgage to enable the children and myself to keep our home. I will struggle by myself otherwise.
It’s all so difficult navigating the financial issues.
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
Thank you.
He is no longer working so I am supporting us all now increasing my hours and also applying for benefits we are entitled to. We have used all our savings the last couple of years to keep our house and keep afloat (he got us into debt which we are appealing with support of our GP) so we will not be self funding. However I am worried if we Claim his critical illness payment this will be counted as savings when in fact it will be used to towards our mortgage to enable the children and myself to keep our home. I will struggle by myself otherwise.
It’s all so difficult navigating the financial issues.
That’s such a difficult position. It sounds like the kind of time where you need proper professional advice. I wonder if Citizens Advice Bureau or your local carers centre or even your local bank branch can put you in touch with a solicitor or financial advisor who can help?

There seem to be a few people on here who have that experience but I certainly don’t. I did find detailed advice specific to our circumstances invaluable though. I think the first person I spoke to was a bank manager and a solicitor (for wills). They then passed me onto others.

His trade union also told me that I could challenge his redundancy settlement retrospectively but I never did do that.

I really feel for you. It is such a lot to cope with while you are also caring for him and your children and working too.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,501
0
South coast
When OH had a financial assessment before we got carers coming in I asked the assessor what we could use OHs savings for and when would it be considered Deprivation of Assets? He was very helpful and said that the main rule of thumb was that it should go towards things that were for his benefit. An example he gave was that we could change our car (we had a very old car that was beginning to get temperamental) as a new(er) car would benefit him in getting to places. He also mentioned that we could change the bathroom to a wet room.

My personal opinion is that keeping a roof over your head is very much in his best interests and would be to his benefit. In fact, when OH was medically retired he received a lump sum which we put used to pay off a large proportion of the mortgage (leaving us with a much more manageable monthly payment) without thinking things further. I confess though, that it did not occur to either of us that this may cause problems and we did not even consider future care, let alone know about the rules, so it may have all backfired, but no-one questioned this at the assessment.
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
207
0
When OH had a financial assessment before we got carers coming in I asked the assessor what we could use OHs savings for and when would it be considered Deprivation of Assets? He was very helpful and said that the main rule of thumb was that it should go towards things that were for his benefit. An example he gave was that we could change our car (we had a very old car that was beginning to get temperamental) as a new(er) car would benefit him in getting to places. He also mentioned that we could change the bathroom to a wet room.

My personal opinion is that keeping a roof over your head is very much in his best interests and would be to his benefit. In fact, when OH was medically retired he received a lump sum which we put used to pay off a large proportion of the mortgage (leaving us with a much more manageable monthly payment) without thinking things further. I confess though, that it did not occur to either of us that this may cause problems and we did not even consider future care, let alone know about the rules, so it may have all backfired, but no-one questioned this at the assessment.
Excellent reply from @canary (as always). Keeping his home is very much in his best interest plus looking into the retirement deal that he got from his employer (as I said I was told we could do this even though he retired before formal diagnosis). Getting legal/financial advice seems worth it.
 
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