Hurt

[taylorcat]

As you know Mum is in hospital. Infection is clearing up but they are still trying to get to the root of the cause of diarrhoae. Anyway, I've been doing the afternoon visit and my Dad has been going at night. I went up yesterday as usual and when Dad came home at night he phoned to tell me that was him home. I asked him how Mum had been and he said "fine but she says when you were up this afternoon you didn't speak to her". I told him I didn't believe he was saying this and he told me well that's what she says, why would she say that. I ended up screaming at him because she has Alzheimers that's why.

Can anybody tell me if this would indicate he is not accepting the situation, as I thought he had.

 

[Margarita]

Can anybody tell me if this would indicate he is not accepting the situation, as I thought he had.

Could be and also could be because he dose not believe that can happen with AZ , has he ever had experience of AZ in his family before ?

when he said it was he saying it in a critical way , or just telling you thats what your mother said , & wanted to understand just still can't take it in

Have you both sat down together spoken together before about the systems ? if you have then maybe his just not taking it in , yes not accepting the situation , but why you could ask him, because why does he not believe it can happen ?

you got to try and talk to him on a level, can you talk to your dad like that ?

 

[Skye]

Hi Taylorcat

Glad your mum is a bit better, let's hope they get her sorted out soon.

Try not to be hurt by what your dad said. Your mum's memory of your visit is obviously distorted -- but at least she remembered you'd been!

I don't think your dad is not accepting, I think he probably doesn't understand as well as you do how your mum's memory is unreliable.

It could be that he asked your mum what you had talked about. Because she could not remember, she may have replied that you didn't talk at all. This would be normal, as she wouldn't want to admit that she couldn't remember.

It might be a good idea to go and see your dad and have a quiet talk with him, and explain how this sort of thing can happen. Don't be cross with him, your mum is his wife, and she has probably never given him cause to disbelieve him. (Not saying you have!)

Love,

 

[taylorcat]

Margarita, we have not had AD in our family before but we have spoken about mum before. He has been through her telling the CPN that he was trying to kill her etc. etc. so is fully aware of what she says sometimes.

I don't know where this came from.

He said it as though he wanted me to explain to him why I hadn't spoken to her.

After screaming at him I then told him that she told me that for the 2 weeks since she has been in hospital he hasn't been to see her once.

It's hard enough dealing with Mum but now I've got Dad to contend with also.

 

[Skye]

Taylorcat, please don't quarrel with your dad over this,

You know it's AD talking. You and your dad are going to need each other's support through this. Please talk to him.

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Taylorcat,

It sounds as if Alzheimers is getting the better of you and your dad, as well as your mum.

You both sound so stressed out that you are beginning to turn on each other.

I don`t know how good your relationship was with your dad before your mother developed Alzheimers, but if it was good, it can be mended.

It isn`t only the sufferers who are affected, is it? It scores a direct hit with the immediate family too.

I hope you manage to clear the air and make up.

Love xx

 

[taylorcat]

Thanks. All is resolved now with Dad. I just couldn't believe that he was taking my mum's word over mine. He knows the terrible things she says and which I thought he understood was down to the AD. Anyway, I was just worried this meant he was not accepting things.


Mum still has diarrhoea, however, and we still don't know the cause.

 

[Skye]

So glad you've managed to sort things out with your dad. Just the diarrhoea now.

Well done!

 

[Margarita]

He knows the terrible things she says and which I thought he understood was down to the AD

So then

Anyway, I was just worried this meant he was not accepting things.

His just taking his stress out on you , I would not say intentionally

Sylvia
You both sound so stressed out that you are beginning to turn on each other.

`that is so true as that what use to happen in my family .

It must be worry for both of you as they still don't know the cause

Mum still has diarrhea, however, and we still don't know the cause.

Hope they get to the root of it soon

Infection is clearing up but they are still trying to get to the root of the cause of diarrhoae.

Can your father cope when your mother gets back , do you think that what is worrying him now , as you said

He has been through her telling the CPN that he was trying to kill her etc. etc

What does CPN say about your mother going home , while your father feel like that , if you don't mind me asking are they offering your father support when your mother go home ? what kind of care packet has he got ?

 

[Lila13]

Hope you can ask him if he is accepting the situation. Would he read some of the fact sheets and would they help?

Lila

As you know Mum is in hospital. Infection is clearing up but they are still trying to get to the root of the cause of diarrhoae. Anyway, I've been doing the afternoon visit and my Dad has been going at night. I went up yesterday as usual and when Dad came home at night he phoned to tell me that was him home. I asked him how Mum had been and he said "fine but she says when you were up this afternoon you didn't speak to her". I told him I didn't believe he was saying this and he told me well that's what she says, why would she say that. I ended up screaming at him because she has Alzheimers that's why.

Can anybody tell me if this would indicate he is not accepting the situation, as I thought he had.

 

[taylorcat]

Margarit, I don't mind you asking at all. Some input and opinions would be great.

Dad says he'll be able to cope if the diarrhoea is cleared up. I have told the hospital this and that we will say she cannot come home if they try to discharge her and she still has it.

He has someone who comes in around 12 noon to get Mum up and dressed (shower every second day or so) but recently he has been sending them away because she was still asleep. He then has someone who comes in at around 8pm to get Mum changed for bed. But because she has had diarrhoea which happens at any time, he has had to get her from the living room upstairs (on a chair lift) showered and cleaned and back down again and then it can happen all over again. He does have an alarm button which he could press but can't do that all the time.

He also has someone who comes in 2 days a week for a couple of hours to let him go out.

 

[taylorcat]

Lila, I think he is accepting what is happening really I was just very shocked and hurt by his attitude last night, as though he really thought Mum was telling him the truth. We do have a good relationship so it's not that. He can just sometimes be very, very stubborn.

He has a few books I got him to read about AD.

 

[chip]

While i was in to see my husband today. A nurse passed he pointed to her and said " thats my wife" She said your wife is next to you. I said ok when did this happen ? We all laughed. Think of a young child pointing to a man and saying daddy thats the way i look at it.

 

[taylorcat]

Just got back from today's visit. Hospital are saying Mum can probably come home on Friday (with diarrhoea although it's down to once a day now.

They are giving her Fibogel and have suggested Imodium and an enema once a week when she comes home.

Don't really know what else we can do.

They have a dietician coming to the ward today although I don't know what help she will be as Mum has been eating hospital food for 3 weeks now and it's still there.