Hurrah!!! Good news

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by tryingmybest, Oct 3, 2015.

  1. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Hi TMB

    You surely deserve this achievement after all you have been through. I am so thrilled that almost everything worked out well in the end and you and your Mum can now continue to live your happy and full life, apart from one day a fortnight, which I think will stop soon. As others have said, I would certainly be leaving a recording device around!

    It does seem that the Court had your Mum's best interest at heart following the judgement and I am so pleased that the Judge acknowledged your courage especially as you were fighting your corner without legal advice.

    I think this is a well deserved victory for common sense! Your worked hard and achieved your aim of allowing your Mum to live where she wanted to be. xx
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,442
    I don't know about ask - I would insist that the SW stays if that's what the court order requires. You can't just pick and choose which parts of a court order to follow, and neither can a social worker.
     
  3. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Just what I was thinking Jennifer. A supervised visit means exactly that. Apart from your mum, in the circumstances you would surely not wish your sister to have unsupervised access to your home.
     
  4. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,995
    UK
    If the SW left she is ignoring the court order and would be in very hot water. I really hope that she knew better than Mum if she is happy to be left alone with sister.

    I would be fuming and put in a complaint.
     
  5. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    2,839
    England
    Agree with everyone else, but just wondered how you know who left when?

    I would have expected the SW to stay with your mum until after your sister had left. Certainly this needs clarification for next time, in case the SW 'misunderstood' the terms of the court order, which required you to be absent during the visit. You didn't choose to leave your mum alone with your sister. It's not your fault.

    You have had this access arrangement forced on you at short notice and didn't know what to expect. Let's hope SS has shot themselves in the foot by failing to maintain appropriate supervision. Would they walk out on a child during a court authorised supervised visit? Of course not.

    I am so sorry that you and your mum are continuing to have a rocky time. I think you will win through. The judge won't accept either your sister or SS playing fast and loose with a court order that is only intended to give your mum a final chance to rebuild her relationship with her other daughter, with extra impartial support. It's not there to give your sister a right of access. It's there for your mum, though goodness knows why they can't just listen to her and drop the whole painful issue so that you and she can live in peace and security.
     
  6. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    625
    Female
    I know when both the SW left and also my sister because my fiancé stayed outside working in the front garden to be on the safe side. I took the dogs out for a walk and he texted me after my sister left early saying to him on her way out that Mum wanted a nap. I was back home within 10 minutes to find Mum in a terrible state. X
     
  7. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,475
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Complain in writing, quoting the relevant part of the court order, and ask for written confirmation that this will not happen again at the next visit. Your fiancé remaining outside at least gives you a witness, and I think it's important not to delay so they know you're on to them.
     
  8. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    625
    Female
    I will write an email to the SW today as she's not in until Wednesday and copy the other parties and the court into it. The trouble is they never believe that my mum really doesn't want to see her.

    At the previous hearing, I had a court order to get me to take mum twice a week for contact and in the weeks up until the last hearing, she refused to go everytime. What was I supposed to do. SS even came here to try and get Mum to go in a car with them in order to force contact to happen. That is why they made me agree at the final hearing to my leaving my home once a fortnight, in order for my sister to visit Mum here, again in order to force the issue as the Judge said Mum must see my sister regularly. If she doesn't want to bearing in mind all that's happened and their past estrangements then why should she?

    I don't think this will ever be resolved and poor Mum has to comply against her wishes because they believe its in her "best interests". If they saw the state she was in when I got home they would certainly see that wasn't the case! Its just so upsetting and unfair. X
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,075
    Female
    South coast
    Thats just not on that the SW left early. Good job your fiance was outside to witness it.
    I would be very tempted by a recording device and if it happens again perhaps it would be a good idea to contact someone straight away while she is still upset.
     
  10. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    I also find it amazing that the Court can order that you leave your home, so another person can come in to see your Mum. I'm not sure I would be happy to leave my home in the hands of another person without my presence, especially as the social worker seems to find it OK to leave early!
     
  11. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,223
    Female
    The Sweet North
    It is odd how on the one hand if a person with dementia says no to a wash or a bath, that's often regarded as ok, yet here is a woman who has said she does not want contact with her daughter (and this is not unusual after all, we read of it so often on here) yet is being forced to see her.
    I hope you can get this dreadful situation resolved soon.
     
  12. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,995
    UK
    Just to clarify who logged the times they left? If it was your Mum is there a chance she made a mistake or mis remembered it?
     
  13. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,223
    Female
    The Sweet North
    See post #27 above.
     
  14. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    625
    Female
    Onlyme....my fiance remained in the front garden throughout the time I was out. X
     

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