Hunt The 'Thimble' In The Care Home

[MaNaAk]

Dear Blondee and Roly you might want to read this and also anyone else familiar with things disappearing in the care home!

What an afternoon I've had with dad in the care home! Dad was talking and repeating himself at the top of his voice when I decided to see to his hearing aids only to find that he wasn't wearing them! I looked in his room and told three carers to look out for his hearing aids and no one could find them. The other residents tried to help by pointing out where he usually sits so I tried looking under the cushions but to no avail. Anyway I had a second look in his room but found nothing. Now dad should have spare batteries, a log book, spare hearing aids and spare glasses all these should be put in a safe place so if someone hasn't helped dad take his hearing aids out I have to assume that these are altogether. Therefore I will contact the manageress and let her know why she has to shout at dad! I can only guess what has happened to his hearing aids but meanwhile another argument erupted between one of the gents and one of the ladies and what with dad talking in his loud voice it was like a playground!

It has to be noted that dad seemed very pleased to see me and he had no idea what was going on and why I had to disappear twice but then on the other hand he could be enjoying knowing everyone was involved in 'hunt the hearing aids'.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

I hope they turn up otherwise they will have to be replaced but I don't know whether the care home will phone the audiology department in the hospital? If not I am willing to do so myself as I certainly can't rely on my brothers!

MaNaAk

 

[Kevinl]

Either the PWD can hide them or they fall out in bed and end up in the home's washing machine. The last time they serviced the ones in the home they found several hearing aids and a few wedding rings in the filters (they are big industrial machines).
Sometimes I've seen people take their hearing aids out and put them in their pocket...asking for it!
K

 

[canary]

Most things of mums did eventually turn up again (even her teeth which she had put in her bin), so dont give up hope yet.

 

[Blondee]

Oh MaNaAk how familiar that sounds!
The carers managed to intercept my mum’s wedding, engagement and eternity rings and gave them to me to bring home. We still haven’t been able to track down a golden topaz ring though. I had no idea that taking rings off like that was a thing as I had never seen mum do it. Here’s hoping all things turn up!
And as for the audiology appointment, I know that mum’s home would do anything like that.

 

[Toony Oony]

Loads of Mum's stuff has gone missing. She wraps everything in tissue or magazine pages and hides it. Many items I am sure have been accidentally thrown away. She likes to move her things about and leaves them in communal areas, or gives them to other residents. Currently her reading glasses have gone AWOL - last seen wrapped in a sock and 'hidden' in her silk flowers. Other items have been appropriated by other 'magpie' residents and have disappeared. It's not such a problem when it's a low value item, but hearing aids are another story ...
This doesn't help your dilemma @MaNaAk, but it may make you smile. One gentleman at Mum's CH also lost his hearing aids. After a full scale search to no avail, his relatives resigned themselves to paying for new ones. They were unable to organise things immediately, so there was a brief period with no hearing aids. The Carers were amazed to find that the gentleman heard them perfectly well, watched TV, took part in activities and seemed not to miss the hearing aids at all. The replacement appointment was cancelled and to this day the gentleman lives his life without them!

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou for your replies but to Denise and Toony, I suspect I know what happened because if they had fallen when dad was getting out of bed they would have been on his bedroom floor. However before dad went into the home he used to put them in his pocket or leave them in the bathroom, lounge or front room. He is not bothered about his hearing aids but everyone else is having to listen to his loud voice or shout at him! Roly dad is happily playing 'hunt the hearing aids'!

MaNaAk

 

[Rolypoly]

Bless him. He obviously wants the role of entertainment officer! He might have to think of a few more games though.

 

[MaNaAk]

Bless him. He obviously wants the role of entertainment officer! He might have to think of a few more games though.

He is also trying to be the leader of the pack because when tea was ready he was telling everyone to go to the dining room. Also I have noticed him and one of the other residents (who is at the same stage as him) trying to help another resident who is at an even later stage!

MaNaAk

 

[Elle3]

Oh dear that so brings back memories of my dad hiding things. Not so much now as he has very few possessions to hide, although he does like pocketing/taking other residents items, but nothing valuable.

I was never very good at finding the hidden items when dad was at home, dad always seemed to find new hiding places, under the carpet and behind drawers became a favourite, but I usually found once I stopped looking for them, they would just turn up. I spent 6 months looking for dad’s tv remote, only to find it by accident behind a display cabinet after he’d moved into the care home. I’m currently selling and clearing dad’s house and I am still finding disposable razors and umbrellas in places you just couldn’t imagine. Just when I think that’s it, I find more, lol.

I understand though, you can’t just hope it turns up as you really need to find it or get it replaced. Have the staff checked all the other residents rooms? At my dads care home, when something valuable or important goes missing, they do a room to room search and usually find it. But like others have said items do tend to go in the wash a lot, my dad’s wallet had several dunkings until the staff decided not to give it him back and eventually he forgot about it.

It sounds like your dad is settling in well though, which is good news.

Take care.
Elle x

 

[MaNaAk]

Oh dear that so brings back memories of my dad hiding things. Not so much now as he has very few possessions to hide, although he does like pocketing/taking other residents items, but nothing valuable.

I was never very good at finding the hidden items when dad was at home, dad always seemed to find new hiding places, under the carpet and behind drawers became a favourite, but I usually found once I stopped looking for them, they would just turn up. I spent 6 months looking for dad’s tv remote, only to find it by accident behind a display cabinet after he’d moved into the care home. I’m currently selling and clearing dad’s house and I am still finding disposable razors and umbrellas in places you just couldn’t imagine. Just when I think that’s it, I find more, lol.

I understand though, you can’t just hope it turns up as you really need to find it or get it replaced. Have the staff checked all the other residents rooms? At my dads care home, when something valuable or important goes missing, they do a room to room search and usually find it. But like others have said items do tend to go in the wash a lot, my dad’s wallet had several dunkings until the staff decided not to give it him back and eventually he forgot about it.

It sounds like your dad is settling in well though, which is good news.

Take care.
Elle x

Dear Elle,

I think that the home have a safe place for glasses and spare hearing aids but having said this I think that when they find things they put them in their office before reuniting them with their owners. This is a help if one hearing aid turns up before the other that said please let me know how you are getting on with clearing your dad's house as my brother is obsessed with clearing certain rooms in this house. We are still thinking of renting out dad's room but my brother doesn't realise that any proceeds would go towards dad's care. This is all going to take time with looking into council tax and how much to charge never mind doing it up!

MaNaAk

 

[Elle3]

Dear Elle,

I think that the home have a safe place for glasses and spare hearing aids but having said this I think that when they find things they put them in their office before reuniting them with their owners. This is a help if one hearing aid turns up before the other that said please let me know how you are getting on with clearing your dad's house as my brother is obsessed with clearing certain rooms in this house. We are still thinking of renting out dad's room but my brother doesn't realise that any proceeds would go towards dad's care. This is all going to take time with looking into council tax and how much to charge never mind doing it up!

MaNaAk

Hi MaNaAk, we are almost there with clearing out dad’s house. It’s been hard as there was very little I wanted to keep, but some things were just too good to give away or skip. So our garage has been filled up with a lot. But saying that we did get up at 4 this morning and do a car boot sale, we managed to sell quite a few things but nowhere near their true worth and our garage still seems full!

I was also lucky enough to find a local charity who do house clearances and were prepared to take the big furniture items and the white goods, so that was good. The buyers didn’t want any of it and none of it was what we could have sold and it was too big for us to fit in a car. So without them, we would have had to pay the council and book several very inconvenient appointments for them to do some bulky item collections. So that has saved my dad money.

I think we also underestimated how long it would take just clearing out everything. We’ve been doing it bit by bit for at least a couple of months (we had to try and get it as presentable as possible in the first place just to be able to put it on the market) so we are thankful we started it early enough, it would have been really hard if we’d left it until a couple of weeks before the sale went through

I have no idea of the rules with you becoming a landlady but I agree your brother definitely needs to be aware that any costs involved in renting out a room and any income from it are still technically your dad’s and will have to go towards his care. There also might not be any cost benefit to renting a room out. Like you say it is going to be a lot of work probably for you, unless you tell your brother to get on with it and make enquiries. I wish you luck and let us know how you get on.

Elle x

 

[MaNaAk]

Hi MaNaAk, we are almost there with clearing out dad’s house. It’s been hard as there was very little I wanted to keep, but some things were just too good to give away or skip. So our garage has been filled up with a lot. But saying that we did get up at 4 this morning and do a car boot sale, we managed to sell quite a few things but nowhere near their true worth and our garage still seems full!

I was also lucky enough to find a local charity who do house clearances and were prepared to take the big furniture items and the white goods, so that was good. The buyers didn’t want any of it and none of it was what we could have sold and it was too big for us to fit in a car. So without them, we would have had to pay the council and book several very inconvenient appointments for them to do some bulky item collections. So that has saved my dad money.

I think we also underestimated how long it would take just clearing out everything. We’ve been doing it bit by bit for at least a couple of months (we had to try and get it as presentable as possible in the first place just to be able to put it on the market) so we are thankful we started it early enough, it would have been really hard if we’d left it until a couple of weeks before the sale went through

I have no idea of the rules with you becoming a landlady but I agree your brother definitely needs to be aware that any costs involved in renting out a room and any income from it are still technically your dad’s and will have to go towards his care. There also might not be any cost benefit to renting a room out. Like you say it is going to be a lot of work probably for you, unless you tell your brother to get on with it and make enquiries. I wish you luck and let us know how you get on.

Elle x

Thankyou Elle!

There are a lot of good ideas for me here when it comes to getting rid of some of dad's stuff. I bet it also took along time because you would have found a lot of items with sentimental value as well. Dad is well settled in the care home now and looking through some of dad's papers today I have found one or two that are particularly interesting. I will be asking my brother to help out but he is not terribly reliable and says that he is very busy with work (infact so busy that the last time he saw dad was a fortnight ago which in my opinion is too long).

Good luck to you too

MaNaAk

 

[Elle3]

Thankyou Elle!

There are a lot of good ideas for me here when it comes to getting rid of some of dad's stuff. I bet it also took along time because you would have found a lot of items with sentimental value as well. Dad is well settled in the care home now and looking through some of dad's papers today I have found one or two that are particularly interesting. I will be asking my brother to help out but he is not terribly reliable and says that he is very busy with work (infact so busy that the last time he saw dad was a fortnight ago which in my opinion is too long).

Good luck to you too

MaNaAk

It’s good your dad is well settled. For you who probably see’s your dad on a very regular basis, it must seem too long for your brother not to visit, but probably for your dad it’s probably not long at all. I know with my dad he has no concept of time and whether I visit him every day or only once a week he doesn’t seem to know the difference. It’s only me that feels guilty if I haven’t visited him at least every other day, I felt awful going away on holiday for a week a couple of months ago, but when we got back and visited dad he just reacted no difference to how he normally does, as though I’m always there somewhere.

The difference between you and your brothers is that they haven’t got into a routine/habit of visiting your dad and helping you and it’s very easy to be too busy and find the time to fit it in and change this. My husband and I are in the habit of visiting his parents every Sunday morning, but my husband also has 2 brothers and a sister, his elder brother lives close and just pops in a couple of times a week, but his younger brother and sister (who actually lives the closest) is so busy with their own lives and family, probably only visit once every couple of months. But if you say anything to them they get so defensive but they are just unwilling to change and make any sacrifices. All I say is that I hope this selfishness pays them back when they get old.

Saying that, I hope you can get help from them, sounds like you need it.

Elle x

 

[MaNaAk]

It’s good your dad is well settled. For you who probably see’s your dad on a very regular basis, it must seem too long for your brother not to visit, but probably for your dad it’s probably not long at all. I know with my dad he has no concept of time and whether I visit him every day or only once a week he doesn’t seem to know the difference. It’s only me that feels guilty if I haven’t visited him at least every other day, I felt awful going away on holiday for a week a couple of months ago, but when we got back and visited dad he just reacted no difference to how he normally does, as though I’m always there somewhere.

The difference between you and your brothers is that they haven’t got into a routine/habit of visiting your dad and helping you and it’s very easy to be too busy and find the time to fit it in and change this. My husband and I are in the habit of visiting his parents every Sunday morning, but my husband also has 2 brothers and a sister, his elder brother lives close and just pops in a couple of times a week, but his younger brother and sister (who actually lives the closest) is so busy with their own lives and family, probably only visit once every couple of months. But if you say anything to them they get so defensive but they are just unwilling to change and make any sacrifices. All I say is that I hope this selfishness pays them back when they get old.

Saying that, I hope you can get help from them, sounds like you need it.

Elle x

Dear Elle,

I hope you enjoyed your week away and your right when invisibles get older they will realise that they should have done more for their PWD when they are carers or need care themselves. That said I saw dad this morning when I bought him some curry and he was so pleased to see me and the other residents said that he asks other me not my brothers. My brothers have also noticed that he tends to ask after me (this was last year when he was moderate) and my youngest brother says that he does not have the same relationship with dad!

I also think that your dad and your in-laws are very lucky to have such a wonderful daughter, son-in-law and grand children.

MaNaAk

PS: Please read 'Hunt The Thimble: Conclusion'!