Humanism

[janey]

Hello Bruce
I remember reading one of your posts (can't find it again) in which you mentioned how impressed you were by the Humanist (?) funeral of a former resident at Jan's home. Dad and I would like to find out more about humanist funerals. Can you help at all? Many thanks, Jane

 

[Brucie]

Hello Janey

I will try and find a contact that was used for the one I attended - may take a while.

In the meantime this web address seems like it may be helpful:

http://members.lycos.co.uk/funeral/a_humanist_view.htm

and

http://www.humanism.org.uk/site/cms/

Some sites mention that a humanist funeral may be a 'cheap' alternative to a normal one. That it may be, but my point was that the service was so much more meaningful than the host of different CofE ceremonies I have attended - especially since Jan has been so unwell, and the Church has had nothing to offer.

Also see:

http://www.staffspasttrack.org.uk/e...rance/Types of funerals/Humanist Funerals.htm

and the following though it is limited to the SW. It may have info that is helpful.

http://www.ffish.co.uk/

Please note that I am neutral on the subject of religion; the jury is out. It was just that the idea of a humanist funeral initially had me hugely sceptical, but as it progressed it simply seemed so ... right.

Oh, and by the way, it wasn't a funeral of someone at Jan's home - it was the funeral of the sister-in-law of my new partner [who was Jan's best friend when I first met Jan, aeons ago].

 

[Norman]

Like Bruce I am neutral on religion.
We went to a Humanist funeral a little while ago,I was impressed.
He was an old bowling friend,a Welshman from the South Wales valleys.
He loved big bands and jazz,when we entered the church(crem)Joe Loss was playing,no hymns,no preaching.
His son spoke about his father and some one from the undertakes gave his life history,with much detail.
All very nice.
I will try to get more details for you

norman

 

[janey]

Thanks very much both of you - I've looked at humanism.org.uk, and found it very interesting. I can't believe I haven't heard about something this sensible and meaningful before! Dad has become disillusioned with organised religion since mum got dementia - it will be a comfort to him (and to me) to find a way of having a sincere and personal ceremony without the religion. Sorry about the mistake Bruce - I remembered wrongly (that is happening a lot these days!)

 

[Brucie]

While I will most likely opt for a Humanist job for myself, I don't think I can take that decision on behalf of Jan. She played organ at Llandaff Cathedral at one time and loved the traditional hymns. I'd want a couple of them at the service, and they would be a bit weird out of context!

I like the idea of Joe Loss on the way out.

I would most likely select "Bridge over Troubled Water" though, as that was her song. And her role.

 

[Jude]

Dear Brucie,

Bridge Over Trouble Water is one of my favourite songs too. I was only talking to Magic about that a week or so ago on the web here, which is a nice coincidence.

Another wonderful song is 'I'll Find My Way Home' by Jon and Vangelis from their 'Friends of Mr Cairo' album. Might not be so suitable for funerals though. Anyway, it's a beautiful piece of music.

Jude

 

[Norman]

How about "I only called to say I love you"?
Norman

 

[Jude]

Dear Norman,

That's just about perfect too!

I've always felt that songs are a social comment about what's happening within generations. I don't mean the head banging, heavy rock or garden shed variety - but the real stuff. The songs that stand the test of time, such as the ones we fondly remember and can just about quote verbatim.

There are some great songs out there. Music keeps me going.

Jude

 

[janey]

Music

I think music expresses so much that words can't. It had always been a mainstay of my life too, but I didn't realise how deep it went until Mum became ill and the sadness hit me big time. Now I find I can only listen to really upbeat stuff (like Glen Miller!) because anything vaguely poignant or beautiful makes me too emotional. The only way I can cope with 'dementia world' (what a great phrase by Magic!) is to keep my emotions under lock and key. I know some would counsel that its best to 'let it all hang out', but not for me - I'd go to pieces. I think Mum would have liked the idea of a humanist funeral, and she would have wanted Dad to choose whatever he could best cope with - he was, and still is, her world.

 

[Jude]

Dear Janey,

There so much music to choose from isn't there? My parents are really fond of Gilbert and Sullivan. Dad was in the operatic society for over 35 years and it was an exclusively G & S Society. We have a great singalong with the videos.

I am very fond of old soul music and reggae, and much of the 70's era songs. Brings back great memories. I find that I can remember exactly what I was doing and where I was when I hear a particular song. I'm also not adverse to a bit of an old weep over emotional love songs...... in private! They are stuffed full of angst and I do enjoy a bit of angst now and again.....

Jude

 

[janey]

You're right Jude - there's a whole world of music out there, and I do miss exploring it. You've given me a great idea... ok, so I can't listen to sad and beautiful music any more (those love songs full of angst would just finish me off!!) but I could go out and specifically look for HAPPY music. I do need to find some more for my collection, as Glen Miller is getting a little repetitive!

 

[Norman]

My wife did play the piano and had singing lessons for years,thats all gone now I'm afraid.
She loves to hear beautiful singing voices but also some modern stuff.
Lots of music I can only listen to in private some of the memories,Latin dancing,dinner dances,ladies nights crack me up.
I think because they are all gone for ever now.

Morbid Norman

 

[Jude]

Dear Norman,

Janey's got the right idea. Why don't you explore some happy music too. Something new which will lighten your spirit. Better than happy pills any day!

Jude

 

[Jude]

Dear All,

Can somebody explain to me what exactly a Humanist funeral involves? I'm not really au fait with the term.

Jude

 

[Brucie]

Hi Jude
check out my previous message to Janey in this thread - there are some web addresses there that will help.

From my experience of just one Humanist funeral, it ain't a great deal different from a normal one, except it cuts out the [this is a personal view] normal gobbledygook.

At the one I experienced the address by the Humanist person made a great deal of sense in putting people in context in this wacky world without invoking extra-terrestrials.

 

[Jude]

Dear Bruce,

Thanks for the reminder about the websites. Have you posted them on your Resources page yet, so that we can all find them when required?

Many thanks, Jude

 

[Brucie]

Will do later. I'm just off to Farnham to pick up Jan's hairdresser to drive him to style Jan's hair. 50 mile round trip, but he was always her hairdresser and he has been fantastic. I have to force payment on him.

I was with Jan at lunchtime, so I'll be seeing her twice today!

 

[alix]

Janey,
my grandfather (who had Alzheimer's) died recently and though he came from a Jewish family, he wasn't religious at all, and we knew that he wouldn't have wanted a religious ceremony.
We spoke with the funeral director and he suggested a secular jew who often leads non-religious services - he wasn't a humanist, just someone who got into doing funerals etc by accident!
It might sound a bit morbid, but going to talk to a funeral director about it might be a good way to start - it's not that uncommon a request, and they are sure to know someone local.

My granddad's funeral was great, with touching personal tributes, highlights from his (very varied) record collection - and all beautifully pulled together by our master of ceremonies.

Good luck in your searches, and I hope you have as much luck as we did.

 

[janey]

Dear Alix
I'm glad your granddad's funeral was so special. I'd like to think my parents could have such a personal, meaningful and non-religious send-off when the time comes. I hadn't thought of asking a funeral director, although now you mention it, they're the ones most likely to have the experience, contacts and suggestions at their fingertips, so thanks a lot. In case anyone thinks I'm being morbid thinking about this in advance, I'd prefer to have collected the ideas, and details of a possible celebrant so that I'm not trying to arrange such an important occasion at the last minute whilst consumed with grief.

 

[Jude]

Dear Janey,

I don't think you're being morbid at all - just sensible. I'm also trying to arrange prepaid funerals now, even though the oldies are reasonably well still. Can't imagine what would happen if I was o/seas and had to try and deal with arranging a funeral at short notice on top of jet lag, grief and confusion. It would be even more of a total nightmare.

Best wishes, Jude