• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Hubble bubble toilet trouble

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,449
0
Newcastle
My wife's hygiene and toilet habits are getting worse. She is not incontinent but is increasingly confused about how to use the toilet and wash herself, and hostile to the idea that I might assist her in any way. Soiled clothing and frequent changes are becoming more common.

I managed to get her to change into a clean set of clothes this morning (having worn yesterday’s clothes in bed). Her knickers and trousers were soiled but not excessively. Later, after she had been sitting in the kitchen whilst the hairdresser was here, I noticed staining on the (faux leather) chair. Closer inspection and cleaning showed this to be faeces that had come through her trousers. I encouraged her to undress again and to clean herself in the toilet before putting on another clean pair of knickers and trousers. I’m not sure how successful this was.

Dealing with this problem is becoming very difficult for both of us. I don’t want to go down the route of incontinence products yet if this can be avoided. I know that this would be distressing for her and challenging for me. I am rather hoping that by finding her a place in residential care the sensitive task of keeping her clean will stop being my responsibility. I don’t think that I’m being selfish, just acknowledging that I am no longer able to cope on my own. Knowing one's own limits is important and I feel that I am nearing mine ...
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,855
0
South coast
I don’t think that I’m being selfish, just acknowledging that I am no longer able to cope on my own. Knowing one's own limits is important and I feel that I am nearing mine ...
Thats not being selfish - thats being sensible and sensitive to your wifes needs
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,193
0
London
It's not selfish but care homes have staff problems and I would question their ability to keep your wife clean without the use of incontinence products. Usually, that's the first thing most care homes use, I'm afraid. You say your wife is not incontinent but I would describe her behaviour as typical for someone who is. If you don't want to go down the route of inco pads, it's up to you as long as she can be kept clean and her skin damage free, but sooner or later she will probably end up in them, and for me OH's early introduction and reluctant acceptance was vital to tackling the problem.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,340
0
My mother's care home try to keep all the residents continent for as long as possible. They do this by taking each resident to the toilet on a regular rota, rather than waiting for them to ask. A year ago my mother had a couple of 'accidents' and I thought she was on the verge of incontinence, but they have kept her continent by taking her to the toilet every two hours. She does wear an inco pad at night in case they don't get to her at the right time (and there is a plastic mattress cover). So it's possible a care home could help your wife stay continent for longer, if she will accept help from a female carer.

(When my mother broke her hip and was in hospital for ten days last summer, the healthcare assistants told me she was incontinent - but when I suggested they proactively take her to the toilet and not wait for her to ask, she suddenly became continent again.)
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,463
0
Scotland
Yes it does take effort to set up a routine. I Get up twice during the night and take my husband to the toilet but if I get the timing wrong then he is wet. I use large size pads during the day and direct him to the toilet regularly and at night I use the pads plus plastic pants and Kylie sheets. I have never made an issue of all of this or even discussed it much with him but just got on with it in a matter of fact way. It needs to be done and I don't much like doing it but if it has to be done then it has to be done.

If he becomes regularly doubly incontinent then I will think again. I can deal with an occasional accident but .......
 

Lucianne

Registered User
Jun 30, 2017
58
0
I started my husband off in pull-ups which were more acceptable than pads but had to start using pads when he refused to change pull-ups during the day - it meant taking off his shoes and trousers and this he refused. He's still was resistant to lowering his trousers and the pants that were supplied with the pads so sometimes went all day without changing. Made it difficult to go anywhere in the afternoon or evening, or have visitors.
He has now been in residential care for just over a week and I noticed he went off quietly with a carer to be changed. Thank goodness!
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,332
0
N Ireland
I use prompts to keep my wife dry as she has become less able to read the bodily signs or to anticipate need.

Inco products aren't required yet but I talk about them to, hopefully, get my wife used to the idea that she may need them in the future.

I also talk about the fact that it isn't an issue for me and so shouldn't be one for her either as we love each other and each of us would deal with it for the other, in the hope that she won't become so embarrassed that it will lead to agitation in the future.

My plans may not help but we can only try.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,449
0
Newcastle
I acknowledge all you say @Beate and have no issues with the use of incontinence products, it is just my own reluctance to start down that road ... Maybe some advice from a continence specialist would be a good place to start.
 

Willum

New member
Aug 8, 2022
2
0
I have the problems of my wife not realising she has been to the toilet so she is now just sitting in what she does. When I do get her to the toilet I have to clean her bottom as she uses her hands even though I give her a lot of toilet paper. I was beginning to think she would need full time care in a home but some of the posts here seem to think care homes will not be prepared to take her, given her problems. She is also not recognising me more often than not now so I am now at my wits end as to what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,023
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Willum, a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point from me.
Most care homes are well used to people with dementia needing help with toilet needs. It sounds as though your wife would perhaps benefit from now moving into care, or certainly having some care visits every day to help with toileting. @northumbrian_k who originally posted this thread will probably be along in a moment to add his comments, but from what I remember shortly after he posted that, his wife did go into care.
The thought of a move into care is a big step, have you looked at this booklet which may give you some hints and tips.
You may also find it helpful to start your own thread in the I care for a person with dementia forum. Just use the blue button at the top of the page that says Post Thread to start a new discussion. Doing that will mean you'll get a lot more replies.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,449
0
Newcastle
Hi @Willum, you have resurrected an old thread of mine that I had almost forgotten about. The problem for people with dementia and their carers has not got any easier to deal with in the meantime.

Whilst some carers can cope with a broad range of toilet issues - from full blown incontinence to what might be termed accidents - I did find this a particularly challenging part of caring. Cleaning pubic hair matted with faeces whilst being resisted all the while is not something that I will forget.

My wife moved permanently into care in May 2019. Toilet issues were not the main driver of this: it was my inability to give her the 24 hour care that she needs and deserves.

In that time I am aware that her toilet habits have worsened. That has never been an issue and I can't remember it being brought up in any conversation with staff.

Good care homes that specialise in dementia are used to dealing with this issue and much more besides. If you are looking at homes it may be wise to ask but I don't think that this would be a deal breaker.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,855
0
South coast
Hi @Willum
A decent care home for people with dementia should not be fazed by incontinence - my mum was doubly incontinent and it was never a problem. However, there are indeed some care homes (especially ones that say they "accept people with dementia") that only want the early, easy stages of dementia.

The best thing to do when you are considering a care home is to be brutally honest about what your wife is like and ask them how they would deal with it. Also ask them what behaviour they would not be able to cope with. Their answers will tell you whether it would be able to cope with your wife, or whether she would be likely to be asked to move at some stage.
 

Feistyjack

New member
Aug 10, 2022
1
0
I am new to all of this. My husband is having neurological issues. We are not sure if it is MS. He peed his pants at work last month. I suggested pads but he refused. Last night he got out of bed and into the toilet closet. Pulled down his pants and speed all over the tile. He was standing in front of the toilet. He had a look of anger and confusion. When I pointed to the toilet he tried to sit on the floor.
Anyone with suggestions?
 

Valpiana

Registered User
Sep 16, 2019
492
0
My husband became like this. He would just not lift the toilet lid. The only solution was to accompany him to the toilet every time and then we moved on to pull up incontinence pants. I then contacted the Continence Service via GP surgery and he was supplied with 4 free products per day. He is now unfortunately in a care home as sadly I could no longer cope with the multiple issues connected with dementia. I would suggest he speaks to his Doctor to rule out various things and investigate the problem as I sadly don't think the problem will resolve itself. I imagine he might be a little reluctant to do this but perhaps you can persuade him. Good luck.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,642
0
leicester
Hello and welcome to the forum @Feistyjack.

I personally don’t have any experience of that but the care home my husband was in had bright red toilet seats I wonder if something like that would help?

I hope now you have found forum you will continue to post for support and to share your experiences
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,855
0
South coast
Last night he got out of bed and into the toilet closet. Pulled down his pants and speed all over the tile. He was standing in front of the toilet. He had a look of anger and confusion. When I pointed to the toilet he tried to sit on the floor.
This sounds like a special awareness problem. He can see the toilet, but cannot work out where it is in relation to him. A lady in mums care home had this - she would regularly try and sit down on a chair but ended up sitting on the floor as the chair wasnt where she thought it was.

Can you go with your husband and try and position him in the right place?
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,823
0
74
Devon, Totnes
My wife's hygiene and toilet habits are getting worse. She is not incontinent but is increasingly confused about how to use the toilet and wash herself, and hostile to the idea that I might assist her in any way. Soiled clothing and frequent changes are becoming more common.

I managed to get her to change into a clean set of clothes this morning (having worn yesterday’s clothes in bed). Her knickers and trousers were soiled but not excessively. Later, after she had been sitting in the kitchen whilst the hairdresser was here, I noticed staining on the (faux leather) chair. Closer inspection and cleaning showed this to be faeces that had come through her trousers. I encouraged her to undress again and to clean herself in the toilet before putting on another clean pair of knickers and trousers. I’m not sure how successful this was.

Dealing with this problem is becoming very difficult for both of us. I don’t want to go down the route of incontinence products yet if this can be avoided. I know that this would be distressing for her and challenging for me. I am rather hoping that by finding her a place in residential care the sensitive task of keeping her clean will stop being my responsibility. I don’t think that I’m being selfish, just acknowledging that I am no longer able to cope on my own. Knowing one's own limits is important and I feel that I am nearing mine ...
For me the the tipping point was the inability of myself to keep my wife clean. For any reduction in stress over this you really need to consider good pull ups that will contain all the stuff. There are goods ones to be had but aren’t cheap but worth it for a better peace of mind.

To rely on ordinary underwear is hopeless. The escape of faeces is always going to happen and will stress you both. Make life easier all round.
 

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Threads
125,522
Messages
1,838,717
Members
76,457
Latest member
Carol560