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    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

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How will you spend christmas?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kayze, Nov 12, 2014.

  1. kayze

    kayze Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    166
    Jeany123, I have never heard of those peas either. Maybe they are Northern traditions.
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    My Husband was born and bred in the Midlands. He loves/loved mushy peas. Me-well just looking at them makes me feel queasy:(
     
  3. kayze

    kayze Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    166
    Ah LYN T, finally one I've heard of, my mum eats pease pudding just the smell of it puts me off. Yuck
     
  4. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    Oh yes Kayze I just found this in the link that Peggy put on, thank you,
    Passion Sunday is also known as Carlin or Carling Sunday in the north-east of England, when carlin peas are eaten,

    So it is a NE thing,
     
  5. kayze

    kayze Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    166
    Thanks for that Jeany123, I love to hear of family and regional traditions.

    My husband is from Nothern Ireland, he always loved something called Champ, mashed potatoes with spring onions, even had it on christmas day, I will make him some this christmas too.

    When I was a child I remember bell ringers used to walk around playing carols, us kids loved it, really made it feel like christmas.
     
  6. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    773
    Having a BBQ with Prawns and Sausages :).
    Cold drinks.
     
  7. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I'm having dinner with John at the Care Home. It's his birthday on Christmas Day. I shall eat a modest lunch, and stay a couple of hours. Then I'll come home, take Billy for a walk, and then visit my daughter's for a few hours, and have Christmas Dinner there too.

    Then I shall come home, and watch the TV, with my Baileys, Silk Cut, chocolate truffles, and other little delights, that Billy will help me eat. I'll carve the whole turkey at my daughter's, and bring home the carcass, which I'll use on Boxing Day to make turkey stew.

    As there'll only be me to eat it, and it usually makes about 12 portions, I'll be freezing a lot of dinners. ;)
     
  8. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Lol - only just seen this - come and welcome :D x
     
  9. WILLIAMR

    WILLIAMR Account Closed

    Apr 12, 2014
    1,079
    After all the presents are unwrapped we will be having a smallish breakfast and no doubt my granddaughters will be playing with their presents for an hour or so and with the dogs new toys.
    We will then be going to a local hotel for Christmas dinner and we will then take the dogs for a Christmas walk hopefully in the local park.
    After we come back there will probably be a bit more play and a bit of food,

    We tend to take boxing day as it comes.
    If possible we may go for a ride somewhere in the cars and some more dog walking.
    We have not booked anywhere for lunch.
    If we can not find anywhere we will get some food from a shop and cook something when we get home or I know the local fish and chip shop is an option as well.

    William
     
  10. disi

    disi Registered User

    Robert and I will go to our son, his wife and 2 daughters. Robert will not take much in, but unfortunately he has never been a big Christmas fan. He would take ages to unwrap presents and when the granddaughters were little they couldn't understand why Grandad was so slow they would be bursting with excitment. They still are one is 21 and the other is 16!

    Boxing Day we will go out for a short walk and then they will come to our house. It seems to be a tradition we do this. I love it and have always done. Luckily our son is just like me (a big kid at times!).
     
  11. piph

    piph Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    1,530
    Northamptonshire
    #31 piph, Nov 13, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2014
    Very quietly at Mum's this year. Last year we took her down to stay with our son and DIL, and then we all went and spent the day with our daughter and SIL and our 3 granddaughters. We had a lovely time, but it was all a bit much for Mum - too much noise from the girls (and some of the 'adults' after several bottles of wine and a very raucous game of Trivial Pursuit!). I'm glad we did it though, it was the first time we'd spent Christmas with both our children (and grandchildren) since they got married, and probably the last 'family' Christmas that Mum will be able to manage. It does mean, however, that until this horrible disease has finished with Mum, we will probably be spending all our Christmases quietly for the foreseeable future, which is a bit sad. Hopefully, when the inevitable entry into a CH happens, we will be able to have a few more 'riotous' family Christmases.
     
  12. Miss Merlot

    Miss Merlot Registered User

    Oct 15, 2012
    3,262
    Normally my mum does Christmas for the entire family - step-siblings, spouses, significant others, mum-in-law and all! She even for two years prior to my step-siblings' mother's sad early death from breast cancer (an illness my mum herself has fought and won - albeit at a quite heavy cost...) included her too, and that was a big thing considering relations weren't exactly chummy before...

    My mum does the most amazing Christmas dinner ever - every year she says she is going to stop making her own cranberry sauce, two different types of stuffing, bread sauce, Christmas pudding, Christmas cake, chocolate yule log, homemade gravy (veggie and meat) and just buy it in, but every year she does the home-made stuff! :D She has managed to outsource the last couple of years so that I bring the stuffings, step-sis the vegetarian option, sister-in-law the pud (notice a female influence here...??), but still does the turkey and all the trimmings!

    This year, my mum is still recovering from her operation, so we are going to my step-brother's and his wife's house which is about 90 minutes from us (as opposed to my mum's 50 minutes - an important distinction when driving with dementia!). They have kindly extended the invitation to MIL, who has no recollection of having spent the last several Christmases with my family but is generally happy as long as her wine's topped up and there's someone she can talk at (deliberate use of preposition there), until later in the day when she'll start fretting about when we're leaving / where are we staying overnight etc, and everything falls apart a bit...

    Last Christmas was the first she didn't do the tree or decorations in her house, and the first she forgot to buy presents for everyone - even her son. I am guessing that we have one or two Christmases left where spending it with the family is any kind of option.

    So the plan is to pick MIL up, drive to step-brother's, stay for Christmas Dinner and then head home mid-afternoonish to save on strain on her and us. I am most worried about the drive, but once there she'll be happy enough - I hope!!!
     
  13. withy

    withy Registered User

    Feb 23, 2013
    95
    Lancashire
    They sound like the Black peas we had on bonfire night (Lancashire) in a cup with salt and vinegar. brings back lots of happy memories.
     
  14. Eleonora

    Eleonora Registered User

    Dec 21, 2012
    171
    Abingdon Oxfordshire
    I think I'm going to ignore Christmas this year.
    Of course I'll buy prezzies for our daughter, her husband and their two girls. They look in on us once a month.

    But as I haven't heard from our two sons this year, I think I'll give them a miss. I'm just fed up with posting off generous presents on their birthdays and Christmas, but just getting a card in return. (If they remember)
    Our oldest son is now forty nine, and the younger one is forty four - it's time to say, 'Enough's enough.'
    My dear husband is in the later stages of dementia; is doubly incontinent, blind, epileptic and unable to walk. He spends most of his day asleep - so there's not a lot of point in me trying to be festive.
    So this year, it's no tree, no tinsel. Just we two and a nice meal.
     
  15. malc

    malc Registered User

    all 3 trees are up along with the rest of the decs,wife scored 13 on memory test,life's rubbish but we'll have a christmas to remember even if it kills me,up yours alzheimer's!!!!
     
  16. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    Ann Mac, your dog sounds like our friends' old dogs. At one point they had 3 and they used to get SO excited over presents. They often stayed with us at Christmas and the dogs would be very interested in everyone else's presents, too - would watch avidly when anything was being opened. By contrast our own dog never showed any interest at all - I don't think she was especially thick, bless her, but she never seemed to connect those wrapped up things with the treats that later came out of them.

    My sister's dog must have been able to smell his own presents, since he would sit by the Christmas tree, 'guarding' his own, but never tried to open them until he was allowed.

    I don't know what we'll be doing for Christmas, except visiting my mother in the CH in the morning. Both daughters are now 'partnered' and living with said partners, and I am bending over backwards NOT to make them feel obliged to come to us, or for them to feel bad or guilty if they don't. If they would like to, fine, otherwise it could well just be me and OH, but there will still be a small turkey to pick at afterwards and make lots of stews/curries etc. out of. Plus the statutory piece of lovely glazed gammon.

    In the past we have often had a houseful - once it was 9 humans and the 3 above dogs, all staying over, which was lovely albeit a bit of a squash, but I won't altogether mind if it's quiet this year. I know daughters will be over at some point before N Year to help to eat up all the leftovers! (If OH has left any, that is...)
     
  17. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701

    He's always been the same - and in fact, I think he gets worse as he gets older! We HAVE to make sure we have at least 12 - 14 small pressies for him, and we have to give them out at suitable intervals, or he will get stuck into someone/anyone else's! And he makes more mess than all our kids put together !

    I actually filmed him, a couple of Christmasses ago :)

    http://youtu.be/xRmpR21VRtM

    Not sure how I will handle it when the kids have their own homes and we don't have them for Christmas. The cooking, to cover all the 'family food' traditions alone keeps me busy for 3 days before the 25th, and I know I will end Xmas day absolutely shattered, and thinking I'd love it all to be a bit quieter - I suspect in reality, I wont like it when they are all grown up, and it actually is a bit less hectic :)
     
  18. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    497
    Lytham St Annes
    That brought back lovely memories for me - doggie presents.

    My previous dog (as does this dog too)..... Had to have his own presents from all the family, he loved the soft latex type toys.

    Anyways, all presents wrapped up and around tree, and when we came home one day, Benjie has searched through, found and opened all of his own presents.... Bits of Christmas paper all over lounge, and all we heard on opening front door was squeak squeek squeek....so funny.

    I wouldn't mind there were chocolates and sweets wrapped under tree too..... But no all Benjie wanted was his own squeekies - bless him.
     
  19. AnoviceinN1

    AnoviceinN1 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2014
    55
    @ AnnMac: your Christmas sounds wonderful and I loved your video!
    :) at DianeW and Benjie, too!

    Confession time: I used to buy a present for my guinea-pig :eek:, who sadly passed away two Christmasses ago. His favourite was one of those living herb pots you can buy in the supermarkets, ideally parsley or basil. Except that, being an indoor guinea-pig, he couldn't understand why the parsley or basil was stuck in the soil!

    This is all getting away from the subject of this forum, but I just wanted to say that I did enjoy your Christmas tales!
     

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