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How unfair ....

Olliebeak

Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
150
Buckinghamshire
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 years ago and has deteriorated very slowly. His lack of conversation, obsessional behaviour and constant fiddling with everything drove me mad and I often wished he would just disappear. He was still self caring, rarely incontinent and really needed supervision and managing rather than care.

This week he has had a massive stroke. Cannot speak legibly, paralysed down his right side, drooping mouth the whole deal. very restless and constantly moving. He is alert and understands what is said, recognises me and pictures of family but for now at least totally dependent. Who knows what the future holds - it’s early days but it seems so desperately unfair after slowly losing his cognitions and intellectual ability to now lose everything else. It is so terribly upsetting to see him like this. Plus all the guilt of my wanting to escape 😢
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,131
Kent
What a tragedy for both of you @Olliebeak. Sometimes we think things can`t get much worse only to find they can.

I hope you will be able to get some of the help you will need.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,711
Bedford
So sorry to hear about the massive stroke your husband has suffered. I hope you are able to get some more support but please don’t let that guilt monster consume you.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
760
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 6 years ago and has deteriorated very slowly. His lack of conversation, obsessional behaviour and constant fiddling with everything drove me mad and I often wished he would just disappear. He was still self caring, rarely incontinent and really needed supervision and managing rather than care.

This week he has had a massive stroke. Cannot speak legibly, paralysed down his right side, drooping mouth the whole deal. very restless and constantly moving. He is alert and understands what is said, recognises me and pictures of family but for now at least totally dependent. Who knows what the future holds - it’s early days but it seems so desperately unfair after slowly losing his cognitions and intellectual ability to now lose everything else. It is so terribly upsetting to see him like this. Plus all the guilt of my wanting to escape 😢
I am so sorry to hear your news.
Is there one single carer that has not wanted to escape at sometime?
Mother Teresa was not made a saint for no reason, the rest of us are simply human.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
760
Talking of the guilt.
Lets imagine it was you that had suffered the stroke.
I bet you would be thinking ‘ I haven’t been looking after myself and I have let all that weight put on during lockdown’ It’s my fault I have had the stroke and now my poor husband is vulnerable and alone.
So guilt can be something to which there is no escape.
if I ever feel I am suffering from guilt I will immediately go to the GP and request
counselling . Counselling works.
Such a difficult time but please don’t forget to look after yourself.
 
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anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
596
Sorry to hear the news of your husband's stroke @Olliebeak . Wishing you strength to endure, and remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. We have all had those thoughts, you are not alone.