how to tell mum about her move into care home?

[Mildredmoments]

Hi,

My Mum has been in a General Residential Care home for 16 months.
She was diagnosed with Alzeimers after having Lung Surgery to remove a tumor (3years 5 months ago). I cared for her for the first 25 months but couldn't keep her safe at night due to her wandering.
I have recently been informed by the CH Manager that she needs to move onto Dementia Residential due to her challenging behaviour. I have manged to get her a trial placement in a suitable place and hope she settles and can stay permanently.
I am struggling to envisage the actual moving day (next week) mainly as I am not sure what to say to her on the day. Would appreciate your thought/ideas.

 

[silkiest]

It will only cause her anxiety and stress to discuss it beforehand. If she half remembers you could end up talking about it many times, causing stress to you both. Could her things be packed when she is at lunch etc. Try and find some kind of explanation on the day for a temporary move that she would accept - refurbishment of her room, infections in the home that she needs to be moved from to keep her safe etc. Once she is there if she settles the problem is solved.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Mildredmoments Welcome to Talking Point.

Is there any possibility the care home staff could facilitate this move for you? I moved my mother and the receiving home went to fetch her and transported her to the new home. It made it much easier all round because they knew how to handle the move.

When I went to visit her in her new home she said `You keep finding me don`t you.`

Perhaps you could ask for help in your mother`s best interests.

 

[Witzend]

How about taking her 'out for lunch' at the new place? Followed by the sort of excuse a pp has mentioned.
I agree with others about not discussing it with her first. FWIW, we had to move an aunt from an ordinary residential home to a dementia one, after her behaviour started to bother the other residents. (They had warned us that this could well be the case.). Despite fears, the move went very well and she settled very quickly.

 

[Mildredmoments]

It will only cause her anxiety and stress to discuss it beforehand. If she half remembers you could end up talking about it many times, causing stress to you both. Could her things be packed when she is at lunch etc. Try and find some kind of explanation on the day for a temporary move that she would accept - refurbishment of her room, infections in the home that she needs to be moved from to keep her safe etc. Once she is there if she settles the problem is solved.

 

[Mildredmoments]

Thanks for your reply.
I agree with you comments I will most definately be packing in her absence.

 

[Mildredmoments]

How about taking her 'out for lunch' at the new place? Followed by the sort of excuse a pp has mentioned.
I agree with others about not discussing it with her first. FWIW, we had to move an aunt from an ordinary residential home to a dementia one, after her behaviour started to bother the other residents. (They had warned us that this could well be the case.). Despite fears, the move went very well and she settled very quickly.

 

[Mildredmoments]

I like the Lunch idea.