how to tell mum about care home.

[mumof2]

Mum is only 67 we have cared for her for 4 years and since October paid a care agency as it got too much for me as I also have 3 & 7 year old to care for.
We knew money would run short by April so have looked at over 25 care homes and chosen one, mum should move next week.
Apart from the obvious guilt, nerves, etc we are not sure how to go about it, mum doesn't think she is at home now and we have said we will try a new home with lots more people to help her, is this the best approach???
We are taking pictures, duvet cover, clothing that she does recognise but I am so worried and want any advice for a smooth move.

 

[marionq]

I think you just have to introduce the idea of a little holiday or convalescence advised by the doctor - whatever seems kindest and most likely to appeal to her. Don't give along build up to it so as not to worry her - just a casual and relaxed approach. If you are nervous she will pick this up.

Good luck.

 

[Mouse2014]

I can't advise but just want to send lots of love, it's such a hard time for you.

Hope she settles Okay

X

 

[canary]

Mum is only 67 we have cared for her for 4 years and since October paid a care agency as it got too much for me as I also have 3 & 7 year old to care for.
We knew money would run short by April so have looked at over 25 care homes and chosen one, mum should move next week.
Apart from the obvious guilt, nerves, etc we are not sure how to go about it, mum doesn't think she is at home now and we have said we will try a new home with lots more people to help her, is this the best approach???
We are taking pictures, duvet cover, clothing that she does recognise but I am so worried and want any advice for a smooth move.

That (in bold) sounds a good approach. Just go with whatever works

 

[Kevinl]

Sorry mumof2 but why "the obvious guilt" if you're doing what's best for everyone why are you feeling guilty? You've done so much as a Mother of 2 young children for over 4 years, the money is running short in April what more can you do?
There are threads on here about this issue, say the house has to be fixed and she has to stay in an hotel, tell her she's going on holiday (what's called on here a love lie). Once she's in there you may well find she fits in and is perfectly happy it may be the stimulation she needs to kick start her back into action.
Whatever you do don't feel guilty it's the ones who do nothing and jut turn up when the will gets read are the only ones who need to feel guilt.
Well done you Mumof 2
K

 

[mumof2]

thank you

Thanks to people that responded.
I am feeling positive and yes I know we are doing the right thing, we have constantly tried our best for mum through out this horrible illness and will carry on doing what is best...and be proud we are not just there for the reading of the Will!

 

[Chemmy]

Good luck from me too.

I am a little younger than your mum but I know that if I were in her shoes, I'd say you were making the right decision. Most mothers do not want to be a negative influence in their children and grandchildren's lives

I've already told my two that should the unthinkable happen, then they are to ensure I'm well provided for, and I'd like them to keep an eye on the standard of care, but they are NOT to ruin their own lives or be wracked by guilt. I hope in your heart of hearts you know that your mother would probably be saying the same.

 

[jules60]

Thanks to people that responded.
I am feeling positive and yes I know we are doing the right thing, we have constantly tried our best for mum through out this horrible illness and will carry on doing what is best...and be proud we are not just there for the reading of the Will!

Hi mumof2, just read your post and the replies you've had. I used to work in a care home as an activity co-ordinator and we always found that the transition was easier for families who were able to join in activities with their relatives. This meant that the bond of doing things together is still there. Also suggestions from family members as to what activities might engage their loved one were very useful. Communication is the key word. Good luck