How To Talk To Care Home

[monkeygirl15]

Hi

My mum’s been in a Care Home for the last year due to her Dementia. I’m down as Next of Kin etc and I am very happy with how she is being looked after.

However, last week I got a copy of the DOL’s Report and in this were several things that I wasn’t aware of. These include that she’d had a fall, a change of medication and that she’d been smearing excrement on her bedroom walls. Also, last week when I visited the Podiatrist was in. It turned out that my mum hadn’t allowed anyone to cut her nails since May.

I always ask how she has been but I didn’t know about these things. I want to say to the Care Home that I want to be informed about things like this rather than find out from a report. Clearly me asking how she is isn’t getting the right info.

I struggle to be assertive with things like this and wondered what the normal process is? For example is it normal to have say a monthly review meeting with the Care Home staff for any updates? Also, I don’t want to make a formal complaint or blow things up as I do think they do an amazing job. Would it be best to just ring and say my concerns or should I ask for a brief meeting?

I’d appreciate any advice- I really don’t like to do this sort of thing so any help is appreciated

Thanks

 

[love.dad.but..]

I had a monthly review meeting at dad's NH but inbetween could look at his care plan and daily notes at any time and raise any concerns or discuss different approaches needed for dad...and did...plus the home were generally proactive in telling me how dad had been inbetween my alternate days visits...often before I asked. However it was also clear that some relatives did not want or need that much information or interaction so I would imagine homes try to strike a balance but should encourage good approachable communication.

I would probably ask for a brief meeting with the manager on the back of the report and ask as a way forward that you are kept informed of any issues your mum is having such as a fall which could lead to a health complication...I was always contacted immediately... and changes in behaviour such as refusing nailcare or smearing excrement..as being informed gi es you an opportunity for discussion and will also help you to come to terms with her decline gradually rather than many things reported at the same time coming as a shock.

 

[Toony Oony]

This is a subject I have just raised at Mum's CH.
Care plans are always available for viewing and I get on well with all the care staff, but they are always run off their feet. I occasionally give them info about Mum and ask questions, but I'm not 100% sure a passing conversation in the corridor always sinks in and gets actioned.

In the 18 months Mum has been there I have found that some Carers are very proactive in telling me what she has been up to (you are not the only one with the poo issue), whereas others have said that it is all part of their job to deal with things and as such they do not want to concern me. I have made it quite clear that I would sooner know, please or offend, warts and all! Only be being fully informed can I make any potential future decisions about Mum and her care.

I have suggested a brief pre-booked 10 mins every other month, one to one with a Senior, so that we can discuss Mum and swap info and this is going to be trialed with a few families. Additionally the manager is setting aside time each week where relatives can book in for a quick chat about any matter relating to residents. The advice to contact your manager and work out a plan following recent actions is an excellent one.

I have spent time building good relationships with many of the key staff there. They know I care and am approachable, so being friendly, helpful and understanding has stood me in good stead to get a good flow of info, I am just trying to get something a little more formalised.

 

[Sirena]

That must have been a shock for you. You shouldn't find these things out 'by accident'. My mother's care home have called me every time she's had a fall, also if there is a change of medication or any dietary problems. One of the office staff rings me to update me. As others have said I'd request a meeting with a senior member of staff for a full update, and then ask them to keep you informed of changes in future.

 

[monkeygirl15]

Thank you all for your replies - I really appreciate it and the helpful advice. I'm going to ring the Care Home tomorrow and ask for a short meeting with the manager. I have got copies of the Care Plan but it doesn't show the day to day detail. I do think that the lack of communication isn't intentional and may well be an attempt to protect me from how difficult things are.

I just hope the Home respond in a good way as I want to maintain the good relationship I have with them.

Thank you all again. Good to know I'm not alone..

 

[Amy in the US]

I'm also chiming in to say you are not alone on the poo issue!

I am sure the care home staff will understand that you want to be informed and it won't be an issue. I do a combination of phone calls, email, and in person conversations. I also do an occasional "official" meeting. Whatever works for you is fine.

I hope you will let us know how things go and best wishes.

 

[70smand]

Sadly I think this happens a lot in care homes, where the staff just don’t think to tell the relatives what is going on. My dad has been in his care home for 2 years and my mum visits every single day from 2.30 until he is settled into bed at 7.45 and has only missed one day, but still she has found out about things a week after they have occurred from reading his care plan. And that he used to get aggressive with the staff during care in the morning but was always lovely with us so we had no idea. My biggest complaint is when they change drugs without discussing them first, which is always down to the Gp, and then having to wait a week for them to be stopped or reviewed when he makes his next weekly visit, despite it being in his care plan to discuss meds with the family first. One day my mum arrived to find my dad being loaded into an ambulance as he was a bit drowsy and they suspected a stroke. Had they asked us first we would have asked them not to move him. After a night spent in a&e he was sent back with no investigations except a blood test and no treatment but we did find out he was being given medication that should have been stopped months before and as soon as it was stopped he brightened up. The home also did not send him with a DNAR. My mum has a good rapport with most of the care home staff so it has improved but it is good to have a catch up every now and then just to make sure you are in the loop with everything that is going on.
A fall should always be reported to next of kin though as the home has a duty of candour to the family. Best wishes .