Hi, this is my first time on here. my father was diagnosed with vascular dementia 18months ago, we are clearly at the start of this journey, my Mum finds it hard to ask for help and everything I suggest she isn’t interested in. Apart from being there for her I don’t know how best to support her. I live round the corner and work full time, so can’t always be there!
How to support my Mum
- Thread starter driver67
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Hello @Tracygibbo, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.
I think it is only natural to want to care for a spouse by oneself. In my case I care for my wife. At this point being there may be the most important thing as it's easy to reach a point where one feels abandoned. However, there will come a time where more help is required(it took me a couple of years to get there) and it's very useful to get prepared for that time by learning as much as possible about this very difficult condition.
I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
I think it is only natural to want to care for a spouse by oneself. In my case I care for my wife. At this point being there may be the most important thing as it's easy to reach a point where one feels abandoned. However, there will come a time where more help is required(it took me a couple of years to get there) and it's very useful to get prepared for that time by learning as much as possible about this very difficult condition.
I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.
Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
Hi, just take it one day at a time. The fact your being there and offering the support is the main thing and your mum may just need some time. I support my dad caring for my mum and I just always offer to help and just regularly check in with him to see if he’s looking after himself too. Be kind to yourself, your doing the best you can ☺
My dad wouldn’t entertain the idea of antidepressants , day centre , singing for the brain for my mum, think he thought he had to deal with it all alone as was his duty and also a bit of burying head in the sand , I did manage to get mum to mine for a few hours twice a week eventually, started out as taking her to play cards as he didn’t play and then for afternoon tea and it became the norm. Maybe if you get a little free time you could take your dad out for an hour here and there to give mum a break but it sounds like you are doing as much as you can, you are listening and supporting her and she knows you are there If she needs you .
