1. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Ideas welcome please on how to "sell" day care to PWD?

    The overwhelming consensus of opinion seems to be to utilise Day Care, both to benefit the PWD and to give the carer a break. As we still have so much work to do on the house and there's going to be a heck of a lot of admin to be sorted out here for Mum, I'm going to need time to deal with all this. I'm fortunate in that there's a dementia specialising day care centre about half an hour away by car, open Mon-Fri. The plan is to have Mum go there maybe 2 or 3 days a week.
    So, what do you call it?!

    Also, I've been advised that establishing a routine is important, as far as possible.
    Mum arrives to live with us on a Thursday. Should I try to start the day care visits say the following Tuesday? Probably impossible to plan that as I've no idea how unsettled she's going to be at first...

    Anyway, ideas and thoughts please and thank you.
  2. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    I told my husband it was a lunch club, and that because he was retired it was free, I hope you find a way to 'sell' the idea
  3. 1954

    1954 Registered User

    Jan 3, 2013
    We also call it the luncheon club and we don't ask if MIL or mum wants to go. We view it a bit like going to school it's not negotiable

  4. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    Ditto selling it as a lunch club. Also told Mum it was a chance to socialize and make new friends.
  5. mancmum

    mancmum Registered User

    Feb 6, 2012
    when my Dad came to live with us took about 6 months to establish routines

    Just to let you know that while my Dad has virtually no functional memory - but is happy. It took six months or so to establish routines. I went to 'coffee morning' and stayed with him for quite a long time before I left him. I needed to establish that I would come back and that he wasn't being left.
  6. irismary

    irismary Registered User

    Feb 7, 2015
    West Midlands
    I told OH it was a club and how much the others would like to have such a happy pleasant person there to talk to as he is very smiley most of the time. He took to it better than I expected and I may extend to 2 days whilst he is enjoying it
  7. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Yes, wise advice. I intend to stay with Mum at first, to make sure she's OK.
  8. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    Middle England
    In short I'd suggest ASAP - perhaps the 1st Tuesday could be a short cup-of-tea visit with you. Try to treat it as part of your mum's new routine not as "an optional extra". A small white love lie along the lines of doctor's plans for her well being would work. Don't fall into the trap of being defensive about it, say things like "it's good here, I like the ladies they are nice". Good luck - affordable day care is disappearing fast around where I live so get it whilst you can!
  9. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    We also used the term 'Club' which made dad a lot more comfortable.
    Also made dad feel he was doing it for mum so she could have time to herself to rest.

    Amazing how perception can completely change an experience.

    Good luck
  10. Jadie

    Jadie Registered User

    May 19, 2016
    #10 Jadie, Jul 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2016

    Hi, I called it 'the club' because I knew mum would prefer that name. At first my mum was not at all sure about going. I think she was very nervous about meeting new people. So, we went together for a short visit at first and she liked it there. However, on the first 'proper' day when I turned up with the car mum hesitated at her door and said "Im not going!" I felt she was still very nervous about it and I had to really stand my ground by saying they were expecting her, and not taking no for an answer plus persuading mum I would stay at first and that if she wanted to come home they could ring me. I took her in the car and stayed with her for the first quarter hour then left in a no nonsense kind of way stating Id be back to collect her at 2.30. I felt guilty and worried. As it turned out I had left her stick in the car and had to go back in with it and saw mum laughing and chatting with the people on her table so, I knew then we had done the right thing. For the first few weeks mum could not remember going before but now she does remember and it has become part of her routine and she looks forward to going. She now goes twice a week. I do need to just quickly get everything together when I arrive at her house to take her. Pen, glasses, money, tissues in handbag....brush hair, lipstick on, shoes on, coat on and out the door. So its an efficient exit and she isn't having to look round for things or worry about where she's put everything. Mum still prefers me to take her in the car and pick her up but she has been in the minibus twice. She is OK with it except mum might not be ready to go out of the door unless I chivvy her along and quickly get all her things together. Mum enjoys dressing up a bit and putting on makeup too to go to the club. She is 91. I hope it works out for you as we have both benefited x
  11. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    Going 2 or 3 times a week would visit me £80 or £120 per week and I couldn't call it a lunch club because he'd have to take a packed lunch.
  12. Mop

    Mop Registered User

    Feb 28, 2016
    Day care

    Hi all
    Yes we too had to sell it to dad as a club - made worse by the fact that until just pre- diagnosis he was actually a volunteer art tutor at a care home. In a moment of lucidity he asked ' So is this it? Am I in the other category now?' - heartbreaking. His start at the 'club' coincided with his award of Attendance Allowance so he also concluded that his attendance was just to tide him over till he got a job! However we do see a huge difference in him after day centre - much more orientated and settled even if they 'just sit around blethering' as he puts it ! Hoping to get 2 days soon ! xx :)
  13. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Thank you all for your input.
    We must be really lucky here - the day centre is open Mon - Fri, 9.30am to 5pm, provides a full activities programme, a three course hot lunch, tea & cake etc - all for €15 per day!
  14. Boronia

    Boronia Registered User

    Apr 25, 2016
    Day care

    Hello HillyBilly,
    Only you know your loved one, and then you may still be surprised. Be ready to stay, but also be ready to just drop your loved one off - or maybe the organisation can call by to collect.

    In our situation, I told Mum that her Doctor (geriatric specialist) wanted her to get out and meet new people at a Friendship Club. Up until 4 months ago I would have said she would not go. My "new extroverted version of mother" thought it sounded interesting but would not commit, and would not agree to go unless I went too.

    I was prepared to go with her. The group (an Alzheimers community group) turned up. There was enough room in the car for Mum, and I could have squashed in or followed in my car. Mum toddled down the path with the lady who had come to pick her up, and got into the car. I saw her six hours later with a big smile on her face. I, on the other hand, had spent the time, worrying myself silly about her - and it was my first decent respite in ages, too.

    She has refused once, but she was unwell at the time. She doesn't really have a clue who these people are, but reacts to their friendship.

    She loves it, but I don't make the mistake of talking too much about going there (I can remind her about Friendship Club tomorrow for instance, but cannot make a fuss about it) because she can often turn herself off things she enjoys.

    For me, I cannot assume that I know my mother's reactions. Never into club activities, would never go to a hotel - no matter how upmarket, would not mix with strangers unless it was work related (bit introverted).

    Now, on Tuesdays (and starting this week Fridays as well) she is really having a lovely time and for a few hours I am surplus to requirements.
  15. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Loved your post relating your experiences, Boronia!
    New version of mother indeed. I have one of them.
    My mother is (was?) also on the introverted end of the social spectrum.
    I have decided to call it "The Craic Club".
    Because we still have building work etc going on during the day.

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