How to redo a job without upsetting her

[zaygezunt]

Hi everyone, I bet you are familiar with this problem so I thought I'd turn to you for suggestions. Mum has alwas been immaculate but over the last few months I've found I really need to redo the jobs. The washing up is the best example. The plates and bowls will still have food on them. I try to quickly do them again when she is doing her puzzles but often she sees me and gets upset. She's not cross but apologetic and it's clearly bad for her confidence. Any suggestions as to what I can say would be much appreciated. Thanks x

 

[Barnsey]

The same thing happens in our house. Always trying to do things quickly or sneakily so as not to upset. Especially if you live in the same house and are constantly there. Maybe you could wash and mum could dry? My mil always dozes in the afternoon so I have that time to try and re do things. I would love some other ideas as well though if anybody has any!

 

[brambles]

Same problem here. I don't live with mum though.

I try to do as much as I can every time she goes to the toilet.

brambles x

 

[jen54]

it is a nightmare- I try to do things while mum is in the front room with her cuppa, but she will tend to follow me around, I try to say I am putting the rubbish out and sneak a bit of tidying in the garden..but she will suddenly pop out, and it is awful when she looks so dismayed to see me picking up rubbish, or catlitter and putting it in bins, as she says it isn't her who makes this mess etc. it is little and often for me, I say I will get her a cuppa, and quickly do a bit of cleaning or washing up in the kitchen, hoping she doesn't come out and get annoyed-though she is getting better at letting me do some things, before I would get short shrift as she told me she was quite capable and not a child it is what makes the caring so hard, the fact she hasn't a clue she needs care- she will always be "going to do it tomorrow" I have yet to get her to the bank to update her books, as it is always "tomorrow" yet when I say I can do it for her, she says no need, I can just drive her to the bank tomorrow" and as she hides them away I can't just sneak them, she is always close on my heels and it makes me feel so guilty for trying to take over - and the last thing I can do is insist, as she really gets agitated then, as would we all.