Hi,
I’m new here and have already benefitted from the advice on this forum.
My partner and I have tried to get suitable care in place for his cousin - he is not close to her, but is the closest family she has. We have finally got meals on wheels and daily carer visits arranged. She lives in a retirement flat, where there is no support, and she could wander out into the street. She is wandering the corridors at night, is not able to wash, dress, or cook, and has had a few falls. A pressure sore is healing but it is a matter of time before she gets another as she spends most of her time in bed.
At a best interests meeting it was agreed that 24 hour residential care would best meet her needs. She can afford good quality care, and we have found an excellent home - probably in the top 10-20 of care homes in the country. The problem is that we can’t force her into a car or ambulance, we really need to persuade her at some level. Most days she doesn’t answer any questions at all, and when she has a good day and is more alert, the most she puts up with is being brought a meal before telling us to leave her alone.
I’m hoping that carers will have some luck with bathing and getting her dressed, so that we can gently persuade her to take a short walk or take her out for a cup of tea (she likes to eat in private). If we manage to establish this, then maybe the next step would be to go for a meal at the care home, maybe pretend it’s a hotel? and hopefully persuade her to stay (having had an assessment done at her home by the care home first and arranged it in advance with them).
Realistically though, it will be weeks before this happens, if at all. In the mean time, she is getting no exercise, so her balance gets worse, and no mental stimulation. It’s frustrating to know that an excellent care home which would provide a safe, pleasant and therapeutic environment is available to her, while she stays in her flat where she is alone, bored and at risk. And the one bed available in the home we like will be gone. Because she doesn’t have a close relationship with us (although she does recognise my partner still), we don’t know how to build trust, especially given that she probably associates us with the unwanted intrusion of social workers, carers, etc.
Looking forward to visiting when carers have been in so that we have more meaningful time to try to connect with her rather than just to do emergency cleaning and repairs to her flat, meetings with social worker, etc., which have been taking up most of the time we’ve been able to spend with her (we visit about once a week). Next time I will bring old photos, read aloud to her, play some music from her youth - anything to make some kind of connection beyond bringing her meals.
Should say we’re in the process of applying for deputyship.
Thanks in advance for any advice on logistics of getting someone physically to a care home!
Dagne
I’m new here and have already benefitted from the advice on this forum.
My partner and I have tried to get suitable care in place for his cousin - he is not close to her, but is the closest family she has. We have finally got meals on wheels and daily carer visits arranged. She lives in a retirement flat, where there is no support, and she could wander out into the street. She is wandering the corridors at night, is not able to wash, dress, or cook, and has had a few falls. A pressure sore is healing but it is a matter of time before she gets another as she spends most of her time in bed.
At a best interests meeting it was agreed that 24 hour residential care would best meet her needs. She can afford good quality care, and we have found an excellent home - probably in the top 10-20 of care homes in the country. The problem is that we can’t force her into a car or ambulance, we really need to persuade her at some level. Most days she doesn’t answer any questions at all, and when she has a good day and is more alert, the most she puts up with is being brought a meal before telling us to leave her alone.
I’m hoping that carers will have some luck with bathing and getting her dressed, so that we can gently persuade her to take a short walk or take her out for a cup of tea (she likes to eat in private). If we manage to establish this, then maybe the next step would be to go for a meal at the care home, maybe pretend it’s a hotel? and hopefully persuade her to stay (having had an assessment done at her home by the care home first and arranged it in advance with them).
Realistically though, it will be weeks before this happens, if at all. In the mean time, she is getting no exercise, so her balance gets worse, and no mental stimulation. It’s frustrating to know that an excellent care home which would provide a safe, pleasant and therapeutic environment is available to her, while she stays in her flat where she is alone, bored and at risk. And the one bed available in the home we like will be gone. Because she doesn’t have a close relationship with us (although she does recognise my partner still), we don’t know how to build trust, especially given that she probably associates us with the unwanted intrusion of social workers, carers, etc.
Looking forward to visiting when carers have been in so that we have more meaningful time to try to connect with her rather than just to do emergency cleaning and repairs to her flat, meetings with social worker, etc., which have been taking up most of the time we’ve been able to spend with her (we visit about once a week). Next time I will bring old photos, read aloud to her, play some music from her youth - anything to make some kind of connection beyond bringing her meals.
Should say we’re in the process of applying for deputyship.
Thanks in advance for any advice on logistics of getting someone physically to a care home!
Dagne