I have booked respite for my husband, (74 5yrs into diagnosis of Alzheimers) at the end of August. The home looks excellent and the staff were great when I visited. I think he will be well looked after and they are clear they can manage his difficult and challenging behaviour (I spared them nothing in describing it!). My problem is how do I get him there (with the case, labelled clothes etc) and leave him there. He has no recent recall at all so there is little point in discussing it with him and it would probably provoke one of his tantrums but I can't imagine how I'm going to get away without him following him - he is very fit and active but follows me everywhere - unless he goes on one of his prowls. Any suggestions would be welcome.
How to introduce respite?
- Thread starter Yanni
- Start date
You're absolutely right not to discuss the plans with him, so just try to be as upbeat and normal as you can manage on the day, act as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening, take him and leave when you get even the slightest opportunity. Say you're going to the loo and have a member of staff briefed and ready to distract him as you go. It's a difficult situation but one the care home will have seen many times over so they should be able to deal with it for you.
Good luck.
Good luck.
If possible I would take his things ahead of time and ask if you can put some familiar things in his room for him so that it feels a bit like 'home' and so that on the day you are not shifting all this things and alerting him to major change. Stay a bit, have a cup of tea and then leave quietly as 'just popping to speak to x for 5 minutes'. It might be worth asking the home if they could buddy him up with a couple of other gents during that time. You can always phone as much as you want to to reassure yourself afterwards.
You could leave him a couple of notes with the carers so that they can read them to him if he gets distressed (if you think that might help) - just saying, i'll be back soon, visiting mum as she's not too well or something similar, maybe with an old photo or two, might be just enough to reassure him.
You could leave him a couple of notes with the carers so that they can read them to him if he gets distressed (if you think that might help) - just saying, i'll be back soon, visiting mum as she's not too well or something similar, maybe with an old photo or two, might be just enough to reassure him.
When I took my husband for two weeks respite in June the carers had tea and shortbread at his side within five minutes. They unpacked everything and entered it into a sheet, number of items, colour etc. They had him laughing and at ease by the time I was leaving. I had sellotaped an A 4 sheet into the lid of his case showing when I would return to take him home. They thought this was a good idea and made a copy to go on his wardrobe door.
I Sold it to him as a break for both of us and a chance to get physiotherapy for his bad knee.
I believe he asked about going home from time to time and they just showed him his poster as if it were an appointment to be kept. I needed that break and he is none the worse. I would do it again.
I Sold it to him as a break for both of us and a chance to get physiotherapy for his bad knee.
I believe he asked about going home from time to time and they just showed him his poster as if it were an appointment to be kept. I needed that break and he is none the worse. I would do it again.
When John had respite, whilst I had a much-postponed knee operation, I took his clothes the day before, and unpacked everything, and put up photos etc, whilst he was at his Day Centre. Then the following day, he attended his 4 hours at the Day Centre, and I took him directly from there to the Care Home.
We had absolutely no discussion about this in advance. When we arrived, I said "you know I have to have an operation on my knee", and though he nodded, I don't think he actually remembered. But I continued "so, whilst I'm in hospital, I've arranged for you to stay in this lovely, special hotel, where they will look after you".
They were waiting for us, so I took him in, kissed him, they produced coffee and cake and led him into one of the lounges, and I scuttled out.
We had absolutely no discussion about this in advance. When we arrived, I said "you know I have to have an operation on my knee", and though he nodded, I don't think he actually remembered. But I continued "so, whilst I'm in hospital, I've arranged for you to stay in this lovely, special hotel, where they will look after you".
They were waiting for us, so I took him in, kissed him, they produced coffee and cake and led him into one of the lounges, and I scuttled out.
Thank you all for your suggestions. I feel more confident with these ideas to go ahead with respite. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
