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How to introduce a live-in Carer to hostile patient


Registered User
Feb 21, 2015
West London
My friend looks after her neighbour who has Alzheimers and/or dementia. It has now come to the point that this lady needs more care than my friend, 80+, is strong enough to provide - currently she is looking after her full time part from the few hours when the neighbour is taken back to her adjacent home for the night - anytime after 5.30 am the neighbour is back. My friend feeds her and looks after her all day and is really exhausted but can't bring herself to contemplate putting the neighbour into a home. There is a room at the Alzheimer's home ready for a live-in carer but my friend is extremely doubtful that the carer would be permitted to even cross the threashold, let alone live-in and be obeyed when it comes to washing and dressing etc. How have other people managed this type of situation? Help thank you.


Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
I have had friends who have had live in carers. It is very tricky because most of us would not want a stranger in our houses so it is understandable that even under 'nomal' circusmstances this is difficult.

Most agency carers are trained to deal with this - it is worth having a very detailed conversation with the Agency first so that they can match a carer who might work but it may well take several attempts - so patience will be key!!! Also my advice would be that someone needs to keep a close eye over the first few weeks.

Does your friends lady get Attendance Allowance (not means tested) and are they in touch with a local carers organisation - if your friend went to the local carers organisation carers cafe she would be able to get a lot of local information and help.

Good luck with this - no wonder your friend is exhausted!! How wonderful she has been to her friend xx