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How to inform someone with Alzheimer’s that they are going into care for respite? How do you tell them and when is it best to tell them?

LoLo1966

Registered User
Apr 18, 2020
10
How to inform someone with Alzheimer’s that they are going into care for respite? How do you tell them and when is it best to tell them?
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,539
Hi @LoLo1966 , my mum went into care permanently, and not just for respite. I'd told her she was staying near me while a flat was sorted out for her near my brother, while being very vague about what the actual place was. She was far from happy at first, but seems to have settled there now.
I know other people tell their loved ones it's because work i being done on their house or the doctor recommended a stay in a convalescent home to build up their strength. Whatever reason you give I'd try not to tell the person until shortly before you go, so they can't brood on the idea.
 

LoLo1966

Registered User
Apr 18, 2020
10
Hi @LoLo1966 , my mum went into care permanently, and not just for respite. I'd told her she was staying near me while a flat was sorted out for her near my brother, while being very vague about what the actual place was. She was far from happy at first, but seems to have settled there now.
I know other people tell their loved ones it's because work i being done on their house or the doctor recommended a stay in a convalescent home to build up their strength. Whatever reason you give I'd try not to tell the person until shortly before you go, so they can't brood on the idea.
Many thanks, that sounds like a good idea, he is going in on Wednesday so assume best to tell him say Monday or Tuesday?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,976
South coast
OH want for a weeks respite last year and I "sold" it to him as a holiday in a hotel with nurses attached. It helped that it had a very hotel sort of feel and the manager was willing to go along with it. We had previously had dinner there and OH had enjoyed it, so I mentioned about going there for a holiday and he agreed. I then didnt mention it again until just before he was going. The staff made a huge fuss of him before he left and I think I will be able to get him back again.
 

LoLo1966

Registered User
Apr 18, 2020
10
OH want for a weeks respite last year and I "sold" it to him as a holiday in a hotel with nurses attached. It helped that it had a very hotel sort of feel and the manager was willing to go along with it. We had previously had dinner there and OH had enjoyed it, so I mentioned about going there for a holiday and he agreed. I then didnt mention it again until just before he was going. The staff made a huge fuss of him before he left and I think I will be able to get him back again.
Thank you very ymuch
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,856
Scotland
My mum went for a weeks respite in January, I took the cowards way out and did not tell her. When we arrived I said that we were going in to meet someone and have a coffee, the nurses distracted mum and smuggled me out.
 

JGDMG

Registered User
May 5, 2020
42
How to inform someone with Alzheimer’s that they are going into care for respite? How do you tell them and when is it best to tell them?
Hi
Whenever I took my mum for respite it wasn't worth it, the effort and painful discussions beforehand got me so worn down that I couldn't enjoy the break. She would ring at night and say Why do I have to go? She always loved it when she was there and always wondered if she should stay there permanently because it was so nice. But when it was time to go in for a week it was hell for us both beforehand. Twice I had to give in and not take her because she looked wretched having been up all night and then said I really don't want to go don't make me. It was an awful ordeal every time. Everyone is so different, and different each day as well so it's almost impossible to advise what's the best approach. Based on my experience I would not mention it til the morning you are going. Prepare clothes etc quietly in advance if possible then just announce it on the day as this is what's happening. A short holiday for you both, you're going to ......... for a week/fortnight/month and your person is going to.......... where the people will look after her and it will be a lovely break for us both and a change of scenery. You will come back on .............. Write it down if necessary and give it to the person. Hopefully your experience will be good and not like mine always was. In my case I at first tried to be reasonable and discussed and prepared in advance, and this was totally wrong approach! I wish you the best of luck and hope your break is lovely and restful for you both. Often of the journey back at the end of the respite mum used to say I wonder if I should stay in there permanently .... She had enjoyed and benefited from it all.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,330
Essex
How to inform someone with Alzheimer’s that they are going into care for respite? How do you tell them and when is it best to tell them?
Dear @Lolo66,

Before dad went into respite the manageress came round for a visit first and then dad and I visited the home. Everyone was introduced as friends and when the time came we were going to see friends. I don't think you should say anything but you may have to spin a love lie.

At the end of respite I had trouble getting dad out and back home he was talking about the big house!

MaNaAk
 

JGDMG

Registered User
May 5, 2020
42
Dear @Lolo66,

Before dad went into respite the manageress came round for a visit first and then dad and I visited the home. Everyone was introduced as friends and when the time came we were going to see friends. I don't think you should say anything but you may have to spin a love lie.

At the end of respite I had trouble getting dad out and back home he was talking about the big house!

MaNaAk
Aw that's lovely. Good to hear of a nice experience!
 

LoLo1966

Registered User
Apr 18, 2020
10
My mum went for a weeks respite in January, I took the cowards way out and did not tell her. When we arrived I said that we were going in to meet someone and have a coffee, the nurses distracted mum and smuggled me out.
Thanks
 

LoLo1966

Registered User
Apr 18, 2020
10
Hi
Whenever I took my mum for respite it wasn't worth it, the effort and painful discussions beforehand got me so worn down that I couldn't enjoy the break. She would ring at night and say Why do I have to go? She always loved it when she was there and always wondered if she should stay there permanently because it was so nice. But when it was time to go in for a week it was hell for us both beforehand. Twice I had to give in and not take her because she looked wretched having been up all night and then said I really don't want to go don't make me. It was an awful ordeal every time. Everyone is so different, and different each day as well so it's almost impossible to advise what's the best approach. Based on my experience I would not mention it til the morning you are going. Prepare clothes etc quietly in advance if possible then just announce it on the day as this is what's happening. A short holiday for you both, you're going to ......... for a week/fortnight/month and your person is going to.......... where the people will look after her and it will be a lovely break for us both and a change of scenery. You will come back on .............. Write it down if necessary and give it to the person. Hopefully your experience will be good and not like mine always was. In my case I at first tried to be reasonable and discussed and prepared in advance, and this was totally wrong approach! I wish you the best of luck and hope your break is lovely and restful for you both. Often of the journey back at the end of the respite mum used to say I wonder if I should stay in there permanently .... She had enjoyed and benefited from it all.
Thanks