How to help

[Vegpatch]

Hi there. I'm new to TP...so hello !
My dad has Alzheimer's which has been made worse recently by a stroke. He is back at home now being cared for by my mum. Both are very elderly.
My question to those of you who are careers is...how can I best help my parents ?

Dad recognises me, but doesn't know where he is or what he's doing a lot of the time. Toileting is becoming a problem. He won't go to local respite or ageuk days & becomes distressed if not with mum. He is cold all the time and hates going out...spending many days in bed.
Mum is a 'doer' and just gets on with things. But I'm really concerned about her health mentally and physically. She isn't able to get out of the house much at all...which will only get worse over winter. I'm visiting each week (I Iive 90 mins away and have 3 young children) & try to do all the admin jobs.

What would help you ?...time out ? Jobs being done ? Treats ?

I so want to understand and help them both....

Thank you in advance

 

[Pinkys]

i have not been in the position of being a live in carer, so do not know what to suggest that would be helpful to your mother. Maybe give her a chance to just talk, when you visit. Is she open to saying when she needs things? She may have a wish list. It might be fun to make a book of 'coupons'... for a lunchtime 'dad sitting'.... a load of washing done, dried and ironed.... online shopping... Then see which ones she 'cashes' in. Does she have a support network of friends locally?

Meanwhile, I think you could do worse than becoming a bit of an expert. That way you can be a sensible and speedy source of information and advice to your mother, and not shocked by any eventuality. Search this forum for threads that seem relevant, and get familiar with the problems and some of the solutions that seem to work for some people...source of equipment, useful ways to communicate, how to handle guilt, when to consider a care home.

Personally I found the book 'contented dementia' very thoughtful and interesting, but it is not for everyone and in fact offers very few ideas for how to help my Mil! each person with Dementia is different, but lots of the ideas are transferable.


Very best of luck, and welcome.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Vegpatch
and welcome to TP - there's certainly a lot of info on the site so do have a mooch around

you don't mention whether your parents have any home care visits - these would take some of the strain off your mum eg get your dad up and about in the morning so she can concentrate on herself - I guess they are in contact with their Local authority's Adult Services if day care etc have been offered and refused - is there any way your dad can be persuaded/tricked into going to day care; I appreciate this sounds underhand but your mum needs some time for herself
it may be that a sitter could be organised to be with your dad in his home while your mum has a few hours to go out for a coffee with a friend or whatever she wants to do - is there a Crossroads service in their area
you can look here for local services
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200121&_ga=1.60882287.213745934.1462100281#!/search

to help with finances, has Attendance Allowance been applied for, and a reduction to their Council Tax - if not, you could fill in the forms for them - and Powers of Attorney

would your mum accept a cleaner and gardener to take away those chores from her - she may be a doer, but no-one can do everything when caring for another adult - maybe tell her you feel bad that you can't be there to help yourself and if she will have a cleaner each week you will feel better (my parents would do things for me that they wouldn't otherwise)

best wishes

 

[dora]

Hi there. I'm new to TP...so hello !
My dad has Alzheimer's which has been made worse recently by a stroke. He is back at home now being cared for by my mum. Both are very elderly.
My question to those of you who are careers is...how can I best help my parents ?

Dad recognises me, but doesn't know where he is or what he's doing a lot of the time. Toileting is becoming a problem.



Has your mum / you got LPA, or is this still possible to get?

Regarding incontinence, ask the GP for a referral to the incontinence service - the sooner they are involved the better.

Has your mum had a carer's assessment from SS?

I would second the suggestion of Crossroads - we found them really helpful for regular respite.

 

[Vegpatch]

Thank you for your replies - really helpful.

I'm currently going through financial stuff & have enacted the EPA. Have also got AA for dad. They have carers in twice a day, although inevitably they're not there when dad needs cleaning or redressing !
Will take a look into crossroads, and am wondering whether I can trick dad into an ageuk day to give mum a break ! Love the voucher book idea too....possible Xmas pressie idea there !

Am trying to bring my knowledge up so that I can support mum there - think I'll be spending a lot of time on these forums !!

Thanks again

 

[Jessbow]

Getting Mum a break , some time to herself would probably be appreciated.

Maybe you, or someone he trusts could take him out for a while and drop into ''this nice place'' ( Day centre) for a coffee. Next time, repeat, the Pop off for an hour... build from there.