Hi My 85 year old Dad was diagnosed at the end of last year. Early stages though. I haven't been able to see him as I live 100 miles away, but we speak regularly on the phone. He lives with my Mum who has a heart condition and is in her late 70's. He tells me he knows he is only allowed in the garden but does ride his bike regularly for exercise. But he likes to chat and keeps popping to the shops, even though my sister shops and drops to the gate for them. He chooses what he hears on the news, usually the bit that says he can go out. My mum is terrified he is going to infect them both with the virus as they are both deemed at risk. My sister doesn't have the best relationship with Dad and he ends up telling her where to go if she tells him not to go out. I then get called in to speak to him, but I have tried everything, he usually tells me what he thinks I want to hear, but I don't know if he's being sly or if he really does forget. We are a wedding venue and obviously several weddings have been cancelled, and he asked me why that was last week, so he does forget. Any advise is greatly received.
How to get my Dad to stop popping out to shops
- Thread starter Alpaca Lady
- Start date
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Alpaca Lady
This is a problem lots of members are facing and unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a solution so it's about damage limitation. I myself wouldn't worry about the bike riding too much as that's thought to be safer than shopping in terms of infection risk. Hopefully your dad is washing his hands properly when he gets in. I think this is probably the best you can expect from someone with dementia as even in the early stages it's very difficult to make them understand.
Would distraction work? A cuppa and a biscuit or something like that.
Hopefully someone will have some better ideas than me!
This is a problem lots of members are facing and unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a solution so it's about damage limitation. I myself wouldn't worry about the bike riding too much as that's thought to be safer than shopping in terms of infection risk. Hopefully your dad is washing his hands properly when he gets in. I think this is probably the best you can expect from someone with dementia as even in the early stages it's very difficult to make them understand.
Would distraction work? A cuppa and a biscuit or something like that.
Hopefully someone will have some better ideas than me!
hello @Alpaca Lady
a warm welcome from me too
how is your dad with your mum.... I ask as you say he doesn't listen to your sister and tells you what you want to hear ... as he's still going to the shop I guess he isn't taking into account what your mum says either, so wouldn't respond well to her saying he's been out once and that's enough today or even her being brutally honest and telling him she is frightened and doesn't want him getting the virus or bringing it to her
would a door alarm make him think twice about going out ... and your mum would hear it so be warned
sadly, though, he's unlikely to take any heed .... so, yes, good hygiene is key ... might your mum leave a bowl of water, soap and a towel near the door so the first thing he does is wash his hands, and have him leave coat, shoes etc plus whatever he bought at the door ... then your mum could insist he stays in the garden or one room by himself (for as long as possible) so he doesn't go near her (might make him think, probably won't) ... she could leave a treat and a flask of drink for him so he can't complain about lack of comfort
a warm welcome from me too
how is your dad with your mum.... I ask as you say he doesn't listen to your sister and tells you what you want to hear ... as he's still going to the shop I guess he isn't taking into account what your mum says either, so wouldn't respond well to her saying he's been out once and that's enough today or even her being brutally honest and telling him she is frightened and doesn't want him getting the virus or bringing it to her
would a door alarm make him think twice about going out ... and your mum would hear it so be warned
sadly, though, he's unlikely to take any heed .... so, yes, good hygiene is key ... might your mum leave a bowl of water, soap and a towel near the door so the first thing he does is wash his hands, and have him leave coat, shoes etc plus whatever he bought at the door ... then your mum could insist he stays in the garden or one room by himself (for as long as possible) so he doesn't go near her (might make him think, probably won't) ... she could leave a treat and a flask of drink for him so he can't complain about lack of comfort
