Any advice on how to get mum with alzhiemers to accept a carer going into her home a couple of times a day. She does not recognise she has alzheimers but she is currently in respite care as she has polymyalgia and was unable to cope at home on her own it was painful to move and only bathroom upstairs. She hates it in care home and wants to go home it is heartbreaking but i work fulltime and live in a small house wirh my husband so cant have her at mine and i cant stay at hers. I just need to get her to accept carers going in first thing in morning and in the evening maybe.
How to get mum to accept carer at home
- Thread starter Flossyp
- Start date
Hi Flossyp,
My mum has had carers since my dad died in 2017 . She insists she can do everything herself and doesn't need carers, but my sister and I just tell her that it is for our peace of mind that on the days family can't be there, we know that she is ok, and hasn't had a fall. To be honest it is a struggle as she tells them she is fine, when really she needs help with working the microwave to heat up a meal. She can be very "off" with them too, but we insist that they do need to go in to help us out, and she reluctantly accepts it. We just hope that she will eventually let them do more .... but it is slow progress. I wish you luck with your mum
My mum has had carers since my dad died in 2017 . She insists she can do everything herself and doesn't need carers, but my sister and I just tell her that it is for our peace of mind that on the days family can't be there, we know that she is ok, and hasn't had a fall. To be honest it is a struggle as she tells them she is fine, when really she needs help with working the microwave to heat up a meal. She can be very "off" with them too, but we insist that they do need to go in to help us out, and she reluctantly accepts it. We just hope that she will eventually let them do more .... but it is slow progress. I wish you luck with your mum
What do you anticipate the problem will be - will she refuse to let them in, or will she just be narky with them when they are there? Or are you just anticipating arguments in advance of it happening?
Firstly, don't say the word 'carer'. Tell her a nice lady is going to come to help her with things she finds difficult - choose whatever it is she struggles with. I told my mother the lady would help with carrying heavy shopping and getting the cat to the vet, as that was what she told me she found difficult. Of course the carer actually did loads more than that.
And don't ask her or discuss it beforehand, just tell her it is happening. People with dementia dislike change or anything 'new'. So you have to present it cheerfully as a good thing and then not engage in arguments about it. It's happening, the nice lady will be really helpful, then change the subject. Once in the new routine she will probably accept it.
Firstly, don't say the word 'carer'. Tell her a nice lady is going to come to help her with things she finds difficult - choose whatever it is she struggles with. I told my mother the lady would help with carrying heavy shopping and getting the cat to the vet, as that was what she told me she found difficult. Of course the carer actually did loads more than that.
And don't ask her or discuss it beforehand, just tell her it is happening. People with dementia dislike change or anything 'new'. So you have to present it cheerfully as a good thing and then not engage in arguments about it. It's happening, the nice lady will be really helpful, then change the subject. Once in the new routine she will probably accept it.
If this is anything like my mother-in-law, she never really accepted carers. She simply didn't think there was anything wrong with her. The reality was that she could not prepare meals and lost the initiative to work out the oven or hob. We didn't discuss carers,we just organized it as she was self funding and we had POA. Of course she was rude and abusive, but we ignored her and said it was happening and was not negotiable. My husband told her it was for his peace of mind, not hers. We introduced them gradually, firstly a short morning visit, to give breakfast then upped to a lunch visit to get a hot meal . Within a few months, she was having 3 visits a day