I've been awed by the kindness of strangers on this board so far in helping with queries and responsing to messages. Rather than continuing another thread, as my focus today is more specific, I'm starting this one. And apologies for the length of the posting.
The only diagnoses I have at present for my mother are a) small vessel disease (from a CT scan in March this year) but with no further explanation, and b) short term memory less and possible depression - from a consultant psychiatrist, who has so far seen her twice. (Next appointment is 4 August.)
She lives alone, about 90 miles and three hours travel time away. I'm the only son, and bearing the brunt of phone calls on bad days when she's either down or in a terrible flap because she's lost something (three times in the last week - cheque book, an envelope of cash, and today her pension cheque, although she's had the werewithal to phone up for a replacement).
She's not been told a diagnosis, and while she thinks 'she's not been well' , is trying to convince herself/adamant she's not going 'barmy'. She's coping on her own at present (though variably, I suspect), and scared stiff of being 'put away'.
Having been bounced from GP to psychiatrist to local MHT - with little or no explanation from any of them - during a bewildering 8 day visit recently, she's now receiving 30 min visits from Care Workers each day (7 days a week) to ensure she's up, had breakfast and taken medications for bood pressure and anticlotting. (There has been no additional medication or 'treatment'.)
I pray she doesn't lose the cheque book again before the bill arrives (I got made redundant last week, and can't afford to cover her costs in any shape or form; I'm visiting every weekend, although finances may need to deplete this soon. And I'm worried that I should really declare the need for possible crisis visits to any future employer, but am scared that I'll wind up unemployed longer or redundant again fairly quickly.)
I'm acutely aware that's she's lonely a lot of the time, and being on her own can't be helping. The local Crossroads branch's web page does say all its services are free and that they work closely with statutory services. While she'll be reluctant to accept it (she was reluctant to accept Care Workers, and will probably kick up hell when the bill arrives), can I speak to her GP about him suggesting it to her? A few hours company a week would be very beneficial to her. (She's flatly rejected the idea of day centres several times.) As far as I'm aware, the GP has made no contact with her since I took her to see him in late June., when I realised she'd not been taking the medication for several months.
And what right do I have to contact the MHT, the GP and so on directly - I may be doing them a disservice, but I wonder if I'm being given a full picture?
As Mum was plainly not disclosing much to them during my recent long-ish visit, I provided the GP and consultant with a diary form fax giving fuller details. The consultant appears to have been instrumental in getting Social Services involved. I had one phone call from a CPN, whose number I have, who first met my Mum on one of her worst, most confused days and mentioned that she is on a provisional waiting list for hospital but that aim is to keep her home as long as possible as moving her is unlikely to help.
At various peoples' suggestion, I also got Mum to complete an EPA form recently (we waited for a very lucid day, mentioned the idea, and she thought it was excellent, so we completed the forms, witnessed by a neighbour). Should I make the GP etc. aware of this - the form is with me for safekeeping, and is not registered. (She also completed a General Power of Attorney form, although I understand this might be of limited mileage.)
Essentially ... I'm doing what I can, but distance - and now my own circumstances - make that limited. My priority has to be finding new work (I have debts to clear), and ensuring my own relationship doesn't suffer. As it is, I'm in danger of the anxiety that the situation is creating could swallow my life wholesale.
Where can I take it from here in ways that will help, won't run up bills unduly, and won't antagonise her?
The only diagnoses I have at present for my mother are a) small vessel disease (from a CT scan in March this year) but with no further explanation, and b) short term memory less and possible depression - from a consultant psychiatrist, who has so far seen her twice. (Next appointment is 4 August.)
She lives alone, about 90 miles and three hours travel time away. I'm the only son, and bearing the brunt of phone calls on bad days when she's either down or in a terrible flap because she's lost something (three times in the last week - cheque book, an envelope of cash, and today her pension cheque, although she's had the werewithal to phone up for a replacement).
She's not been told a diagnosis, and while she thinks 'she's not been well' , is trying to convince herself/adamant she's not going 'barmy'. She's coping on her own at present (though variably, I suspect), and scared stiff of being 'put away'.
Having been bounced from GP to psychiatrist to local MHT - with little or no explanation from any of them - during a bewildering 8 day visit recently, she's now receiving 30 min visits from Care Workers each day (7 days a week) to ensure she's up, had breakfast and taken medications for bood pressure and anticlotting. (There has been no additional medication or 'treatment'.)
I pray she doesn't lose the cheque book again before the bill arrives (I got made redundant last week, and can't afford to cover her costs in any shape or form; I'm visiting every weekend, although finances may need to deplete this soon. And I'm worried that I should really declare the need for possible crisis visits to any future employer, but am scared that I'll wind up unemployed longer or redundant again fairly quickly.)
I'm acutely aware that's she's lonely a lot of the time, and being on her own can't be helping. The local Crossroads branch's web page does say all its services are free and that they work closely with statutory services. While she'll be reluctant to accept it (she was reluctant to accept Care Workers, and will probably kick up hell when the bill arrives), can I speak to her GP about him suggesting it to her? A few hours company a week would be very beneficial to her. (She's flatly rejected the idea of day centres several times.) As far as I'm aware, the GP has made no contact with her since I took her to see him in late June., when I realised she'd not been taking the medication for several months.
And what right do I have to contact the MHT, the GP and so on directly - I may be doing them a disservice, but I wonder if I'm being given a full picture?
As Mum was plainly not disclosing much to them during my recent long-ish visit, I provided the GP and consultant with a diary form fax giving fuller details. The consultant appears to have been instrumental in getting Social Services involved. I had one phone call from a CPN, whose number I have, who first met my Mum on one of her worst, most confused days and mentioned that she is on a provisional waiting list for hospital but that aim is to keep her home as long as possible as moving her is unlikely to help.
At various peoples' suggestion, I also got Mum to complete an EPA form recently (we waited for a very lucid day, mentioned the idea, and she thought it was excellent, so we completed the forms, witnessed by a neighbour). Should I make the GP etc. aware of this - the form is with me for safekeeping, and is not registered. (She also completed a General Power of Attorney form, although I understand this might be of limited mileage.)
Essentially ... I'm doing what I can, but distance - and now my own circumstances - make that limited. My priority has to be finding new work (I have debts to clear), and ensuring my own relationship doesn't suffer. As it is, I'm in danger of the anxiety that the situation is creating could swallow my life wholesale.
Where can I take it from here in ways that will help, won't run up bills unduly, and won't antagonise her?
