Hi everyone
I was hoping you might be able to give me some advice with regards to my mother's situation.
She's 83 and was diagnosed with dementia back in 2015. My father, also age 83 is her carer. They live up north and I live down south and I try to visit every month. My mother is at the stage where she doesn't always recognise Dad as being Dad. There are multiple versions of him. I helped my dad arrange for carers to come in in the mornings and evenings to get her dressed, clean and ready for bed. He also pays for 3 hours one afternoon, and receives 1hr 50mins for free on another afternoon each week. My mother now wakes up every 2 or 3 hours during the night, and my dad's exhausted. But he says that he doesn't see the point of getting someone in to look after mum at night when she starts packing to move out at 3am, as he says that he would be awake anyway. I go there once a month to give my dad a break and am exhausted just after a weekend and I'm half the age of my dad.
My mother had been going to a day care centre once a week, which seemed to be going OK and gave my dad almost a full day off. After an episode with her getting away from the house, going missing for 3 hours, and then being brought back by the police I had said to dad that things couldn't carry on the way that they are, and that we either needed to pay for more care or that we consider moving mum into a home. We're both really reluctant to do this (I am dreading it!!!!), but otherwise I know that things will come to a head and one of them will get hurt, or something bad happen.
My dad's just told me that the care home where she had been going for day care has expelled my mother, due to her behaviour. She's a bit deaf, won't wear her hearing aid and gets frustrated when she can't follow conversations. I also think that my dad losing patience with her because he's so tired, and raising his voice or telling her off is not having a good impact on her behaviour and is making her unhappy.
I've been looking at care homes but there are so many of them that all seem to be rated "good" with many of them saying that they can care for people with dementia, but I get the feeling that they may not specialise in this, or only take on the easier to care for. How can I find out if they can cope with my mother if she has an episode of bad behaviour? Or will they just expel her as the day care centre did? Will they just dose her up on drugs to control her behaviour? SS have offered a re-assessment of mum's needs and I am looking to get them to assess my dad's needs too as a carer. I don't know how to find a home that will give my mother some stimulation, look after her with care and will also be able to cope if she becomes angry or frustrated. Has anyone been through the process of finding a care home when their loved one can become aggressive?
Thanks for any help you can provide
I was hoping you might be able to give me some advice with regards to my mother's situation.
She's 83 and was diagnosed with dementia back in 2015. My father, also age 83 is her carer. They live up north and I live down south and I try to visit every month. My mother is at the stage where she doesn't always recognise Dad as being Dad. There are multiple versions of him. I helped my dad arrange for carers to come in in the mornings and evenings to get her dressed, clean and ready for bed. He also pays for 3 hours one afternoon, and receives 1hr 50mins for free on another afternoon each week. My mother now wakes up every 2 or 3 hours during the night, and my dad's exhausted. But he says that he doesn't see the point of getting someone in to look after mum at night when she starts packing to move out at 3am, as he says that he would be awake anyway. I go there once a month to give my dad a break and am exhausted just after a weekend and I'm half the age of my dad.
My mother had been going to a day care centre once a week, which seemed to be going OK and gave my dad almost a full day off. After an episode with her getting away from the house, going missing for 3 hours, and then being brought back by the police I had said to dad that things couldn't carry on the way that they are, and that we either needed to pay for more care or that we consider moving mum into a home. We're both really reluctant to do this (I am dreading it!!!!), but otherwise I know that things will come to a head and one of them will get hurt, or something bad happen.
My dad's just told me that the care home where she had been going for day care has expelled my mother, due to her behaviour. She's a bit deaf, won't wear her hearing aid and gets frustrated when she can't follow conversations. I also think that my dad losing patience with her because he's so tired, and raising his voice or telling her off is not having a good impact on her behaviour and is making her unhappy.
I've been looking at care homes but there are so many of them that all seem to be rated "good" with many of them saying that they can care for people with dementia, but I get the feeling that they may not specialise in this, or only take on the easier to care for. How can I find out if they can cope with my mother if she has an episode of bad behaviour? Or will they just expel her as the day care centre did? Will they just dose her up on drugs to control her behaviour? SS have offered a re-assessment of mum's needs and I am looking to get them to assess my dad's needs too as a carer. I don't know how to find a home that will give my mother some stimulation, look after her with care and will also be able to cope if she becomes angry or frustrated. Has anyone been through the process of finding a care home when their loved one can become aggressive?
Thanks for any help you can provide