How to / do you tell someone with worsening dementia that they have cancer?

[Boulderdash]

Sorry, I'm new, so please bump this thread of it's in the wrong place. I can't find a specific topic using search, but I imagine there already is one.

Anyway, my mum is back in hospital after a fall and finally had all the scans we've been pushing for since her last hospitalisation in January.

Sadly though her cancer has spread and the prognosis is not good.

She really doesn't know where she is - saying things as if she's on holiday and will be back soon - so what advice and experience to people have on what to tell her?

She'll be moved from hospital to a care home next week we expect, but depending on how the cancer progresses that could be for months or years...

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Boulderdash

I’m sorry to hear of your mum’s diagnosis on top of her dementia. We have other members on the forum dealing with cancer in their PWD so hopefully one will be along soon to talk to you.

 

[canary]

Im so sorry to hear about your mum - it must have been a shock for you.
I am wondering, though, what you think you or your mum would gain by telling her? She is unlikely to remember and may even deny that there is anything wrong with her. I would be inclined to just move her to the care home and simply not tell her.


BTW, there is a section dealing with dementia and cancer here
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/caring-for-a-person-with-dementia-and-cancer.81/

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to DTP @Boulderdash.
You may find this area of the forum interesting. https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/caring-for-a-person-with-dementia-and-cancer.81/

Edit @canary was quicker than me

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi @Boulderdash we still have dad in his own home with 24 hour cover from family (mostly me) we have done this because he has terminal cancer and he wants to stay at home although we did not expect him to last as long as he has and it looks like he could now last a lot longer and I admit that it is getting me down now.

We don't remind dad anymore, we let him believe whatever he wants to now. There would be no point in reminding him because he would forget instantly. He is happy as he is and if he thinks he is on holiday then I am with him on holiday.

He gets reminded when he has an appointment and he is always surprised but ok about it. I do admit that the future worries me and when dad's symptoms worsen I don't know how we will cope with that. I am hoping that we don't reach that point.

 

[molliep]

Hi @Boulderdash,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnoses.

You can find the dementia and cancer sub-forum >here<. There are lots of dementia and cancer discussions located there that may be helpful to you, and it may be a useful avenue for finding others experiencing a similar situation to you. The sub-forum is located at the top within the forum 'I care for a person with dementia'. You may also wish to >watch the forum< so you will be notified when there are any new posts.

There is a particular discussion thread in the dementia and cancer sub-forum about dealing with your loved one with dementia not remembering or understanding that they have cancer which you may like to read, you can find it >here<.

There have also been two expert Q&A sessions on the dementia and cancer sub-forum with the only Macmillan Dementia Nurse in the country, Lorraine Burgess, which were really informative and supportive. They can be found >here< and >here<. Lorraine's answers begin on page 2. I know she did give some advice to others who were struggling with talking to their loved one about their cancer.

Hope this is helpful,

Best wishes,
Mollie