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I'm new to this forum but looking for help. My Sister and I are at our wits end as my Dad (who has been diagnosed with very early stages of dementia/altzheimers) is totally refusing to go to respite whilst we go on holiday in September. He has been going on respite breaks for the past 5 years and has always been a bit reticent about it, but accepting. This time he is adamant that he simply will not go and that we cant make him. We thought we had struck gold recently in finding the most wonderful, brand new care home locally and when he went in June he said he "couldn't fault it" and that the food "was superb" yet today he says he hates the place and would rather die than go there again. We have three ladies who come and take him out during the week to give us some time to ourselves and he's decided they can all care for him at home (despite them having their own jobs!). He forgets about all the times he has fallen over, had blackouts etc etc and we've been the ones to sort it all out. As responsible daughters, we could not possibly go away and leave him in his own home. He never cooks, cleans or shops for himself as he's 93 and not really capable. This refusal is all quite out of character as he's usually very genial. Any help or suggestions from people who've "been there" would be gratefully appreciated.
I am so sorry for your family's problems at this time.
At first I had all sorts of trouble getting Mum to go to respite. She flatly refused, and said really hurtful things to make me feel guilty.
Then a (knowing) friend whom she knew and admired offered to help. This friend asked Mum if she would go with her to visit 'a centre' where she (the friend) was going to stay, and give her opinion. They went on a visit first, and then I took Mum the next day. The staff at the home were brilliant as we'd explained the situation.
It was alway difficult, but in the circumstances 'telling porkies' is excusable (although you don't feel like this at the time I felt I was totally betraying Mum). You don't mention whether your dad goes out anywhere, or has any 'mates' who might help. Also, like the other writers have said, talk it over with the staff at the respite home. They are really experienced at this very common problem.
Good luck, and if you succeed it will be so worth it for your mum. And your dad might even enjoy himself. If it doesn't work this time - DON'T give up!!
Keep your wings up!