How to deal with Mums anxiety in care home

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Gillianc9294, Feb 14, 2016.

  1. Gillianc9294

    Gillianc9294 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2016
    4
    My mum is 89 and has been diagnosed with Dementia. It's been getting worse over the last few months and both myself and my brother work full time and we have had to move her into a care home this week. She is usually very active and is getting very bored and distressed. We have been telling he that this is just respite and she seems to think she will be coming home . It's very upsetting for all of us and I just wondered if anyone could give me some advice on how to deal with this. She is not settling and I feel like bringing her back home . Should we give it more time to allow her to settle ? Just feeling so guilty at the moment but when she is at home, she doesn't sleep and doesn't have any concept of time. This is a problem when we stay as she is up half the night and it's very difficult when we have to go to work. We cannot leave her alone for a moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated .
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Others have much more experience of settling in than I do but I do know that it takes some weeks for most people. I just wondered if she is getting enough stimulation in the home. It might be that because she is anxious she is not joining in anything. Would it be worth having a chat to the activity coordinator and seeing if she can persuade her to join in more things - that might at least alleviate the boredom. A good home will have a lot of activities going on morning and afternoon but they won't force people to join but usually if relatives ask then they will 'persuade' them to join in.
    Just a thought
     
  3. Gillianc9294

    Gillianc9294 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2016
    4
    Hi Fizzie.... Thanks for your response. Unfortunately, there have been no activities this week as the coordinator has been off sick. Hopefully things will improve from tomorrow but it's so difficult seeing mum so upset. She seems so lonely and is looking out for us constantly at the window.....
     
  4. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    179
    Hi Gillian,

    It is very early days. I was posting the same as you 12 months ago!

    She will take a while to settle down, it is very new to her and very strange. My mum cried uncontrollably and I took the guilt with me every single day.

    We were advised to cut back our visits to around 3 times a week (or less). Mum will now take part in activities if she is in the mood to, they always try to persuade but not pushy. It may be worth talking to the activities or senior about what your mum likes and dislikes, ie singing, reading the newspaper, etc and they will try to fit in such things.

    My mum has zero memory capacity and every day is ground hog day and has no concept of being in a home, she calls us everything under the sun, every visit, but we know she is looked after very well, so peace of mind.

    Please give it time, you will see a difference after a few weeks and she will get to know people.

    It is hard, but keep your chin up.
     
  5. Gillianc9294

    Gillianc9294 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2016
    4
    Thank you so much Patricia......., that is so helpful. We have been going in every day which probably isn't helping matters. We need to give her the space to mix with other people. I appreciate your comments x
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Given that there are no activities at the moment I would say it is a good idea to go in regularly, particularly with a new home where they do not know her well. She will value your visits even if she is anxious, once you can talk to the activities lady about her interests and see if they can match her with another few ladies she will get on well with and then she will hopefully begin to feel a bit more comfortable. Care homes often don't do that matching process but in the ones that do it does seem to make a positive difference - understandably as we all feel better when we have a 'friend'
     
  7. Gillianc9294

    Gillianc9294 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2016
    4
    I have only joined this forum today and I can't believe how much help you have given me already. It's good to know that I am not alone and I sincerely thank you for your kind and helpful comments x
     
  8. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    179
    You are most welcome. You will never feel alone on here, there is always someone who will have a helpful answer or a hug for you. It has been a great source of help and comfort to me and we are not alone, when at times we think we are.

    We are always here for you.

    Take care xx
     
  9. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    My mum made her own friends after about 4 weeks. She sometimes joins in the activities but normally "looks after" some of the less able residents by helping them eat and drink. The coordinator taps into this and any new residents get mum sitting beside them.
    If you give her time and space she should settle a bit more. Ask the carers if she fan be buddied up with someone else.
     

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