How to deal with double incontinence

Maggiesmum

New member
Jan 9, 2019
4
0
Mum has vascular dementia and is cared for at home. She is 94. I’m not sure what formal stage she is at but varies widely from day to day. Some days she can’t wake up or walk unaided, doesn’t know where she is or who any of us are. Other days she can dress herself, hold a short conversation and join us at a cafe for lunch. Care is so difficult as, on bad days it is too difficult for one of us to lift her and on other days she can manage reasonably well. The biggest problem is her double incontinence. She seems unaware of it and constantly removes Tena pants to wee or worse on furniture, carpets etc. Her bed is soiled most mornings with excretia often smeared around the room or solid clothing ‘put away’. ( fridge, sideboard, behind cupboards etc). Any advice or support would be most welcome.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Hello @Maggiesmum

Welcome to Talking Point.

You are describing exactly the problem I had with my father while he was living at home. He was only incontinent of urine although we did have a couple of incidents of the other to deal with. I'm afraid I never managed to find a solution to this problem as dad denied that he was weeing everywhere and blamed the wet patches on split drinks or a "man with a watering can".

The lack of understanding and denial are so frustrating and even with carers going in 4 times a day there were still accidents (although a lot less of them) and dad would also take his pull-ups off and then go commando!!

The only thing that kept him clean and dry was his eventual move into full time care. Before that I never managed to find a way to deal with the incontinence - apart from coming on here and ranting - which left me in a state of twilight sanity...
 

Maggiesmum

New member
Jan 9, 2019
4
0
Hello @Maggiesmum

Welcome to Talking Point.

You are describing exactly the problem I had with my father while he was living at home. He was only incontinent of urine although we did have a couple of incidents of the other to deal with. I'm afraid I never managed to find a solution to this problem as dad denied that he was weeing everywhere and blamed the wet patches on split drinks or a "man with a watering can".

The lack of understanding and denial are so frustrating and even with carers going in 4 times a day there were still accidents (although a lot less of them) and dad would also take his pull-ups off and then go commando!!

The only thing that kept him clean and dry was his eventual move into full time care. Before that I never managed to find a way to deal with the incontinence - apart from coming on here and ranting - which left me in a state of twilight sanity...
Thank you for your reply Bunpoots. It’s good to know we’re not alone and ‘the man with the watering can’ made me chuckle.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
I cared for my OH at home, and he was doubly incontinent. But I had help from carers and his day centre, and what's more, he was compliant with his care. If someone isn't, it often becomes too hard for family to deal with. Also, it is not ok that you have to lift someone who is heavy enough for you to sometimes not manage. Have you ever done a manual handling course? If you were a paid carer, you would not be expected to put your back out like that.

Get professional help. Think about care homes.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Hello @Maggiesmum, welcome to the forum. I hope you find this a friendly and supportive place.

You will find lots of information in the AS Publication list that you can find with this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

These links will take you to 3 specific factsheets that may interest you. Just click the PDF lines to read/print them

Continence and using the toilet (502)
PDF printable version

Assessment for care and support in England (418)
PDF printable version

Care homes - when is the right time and who decides? (476)
PDF printable version

If you want to look for local support services in your area you can do a post code check by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

Otherwise, do take a good look around the site as there is a lot of information and wisdom here.
 

Maggiesmum

New member
Jan 9, 2019
4
0
I cared for my OH at home, and he was doubly incontinent. But I had help from carers and his day centre, and what's more, he was compliant with his care. If someone isn't, it often becomes too hard for family to deal with. Also, it is not ok that you have to lift someone who is heavy enough for you to sometimes not manage. Have you ever done a manual handling course? If you were a paid carer, you would not be expected to put your back out like that.

Get professional help. Think about care homes.
I see a lot of advice on here about finding a place in a care home. They are hugely expensive. (over £1000 per week and our money would very soon run out. Also, she can go a couple of weeks or so at a time where she is not nearly so bad and would feel abandoned in a home. So so hard to know what to do for the best.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
You don't have to pay for a care home, only she would. Plus, once she gets down to £23,250 of savings, the local authority will help paying. The last £14,250 cannot be touched. Think about what's best for her and you, not the money. You won't be able to cope forever.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
They are hugely expensive. (over £1000 per week and our money would very soon run out
Assuming that you are in UK, its not your money that pays for it. If your mum has savings and assets (like a house that belongs to her) of less than £25,000 then the Local Authority will help with expenses and if her money is less than £14,000 they will be paying their maximum. If she will be LA funded then she will need the Social Worker to recommend a care home, followed by a financial assessment. To get started on that path ask Social Services for a needs assessment.