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how to deal with delusions

esjayem

New member
Aug 4, 2020
3
Hallo
My husband has dementia - the formal diagnosis was only 18 months ago but things have progressed rapidly. He is now very confused and frightened by his delusions, the main one being that, as he puts it, he is being murdered - by me chiefly, in the sense that I am doing nothing to prevent this.
There is a "conspiracy"with a mastermind who he calls the doctor and often sees in disguise on TV, and there's a code which I was to write down and "send in" from time to time (I do this by keying it into the TV remote)
He calls out for HELP often, in the hope that there's someone out there to help him. Heartbreakingly, he sometimes calls "'HELP, it's me. {his name}, I'm being murdered" He often becomes very angry .and verbally abusive with me because I am not helping in the way he wants me to (though doing everything I can to look after him with the help of carers) It doesn't help that he brings up things from the past in our (long!) marriage that I know have been unsatisfactory.

How can I best deal with all this. I know we are advised to appear to go along with delusions, not argue etc but how can I go along with being a murderer?
The poor man is totally helpless as he is also chair-bound. Part of his delusion is that in fact he can walk etc perfectly well but is being prevented somehow.

So I am also saying HELP!


.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
548
It sounds heartbreaking.

Things to try.

Dont watch the TV at all, just play old movies on the DVD.

Listen to music instead.

Ask for extra care hours from social services.

Request medication from the doctor to assist with the hallucinations

Request a respite stay for him.

Apply for attendance allowance if not already in receipt.

write down a ‘ menu’ of distractions you can use, eg would you like a cup of tea, or ‘is that a woodpecker in the garden, did I hear the front doorbell..?

Say ‘ I am just going to pop to the toilet’ and leave the room, just for a few minutes.



I wish I could think of anything else, wishing you strength!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,404
South coast
Oh, thats really tough. No you cant go along with this delusion, but equally, saying that hes wrong is not the answer either.

Im wondering what he is watching on TV. Does he watch a lot of crime - Lewis, Vera, et al? Lots of people with dementia confuse what they are seeing on TV with reality and think that what they are seeing relates directly to them. I remember mum watching a seemingly innocent nature program, but then being worried that there was tiger in the house that was going to eat her. I remember reading on here about someone with dementia watching a film in which there was a big fire and then they were convinced that their loft was on fire and rung the fire-brigade. If he is watching crime TV, perhaps now is the time to censor his watching habits and hope this delusion will fade.

Otherwise, keep reassuring him that you will look after him and will make sure that he stays safe.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
Hi @esjayem, @Weasell beat me to it, as I was going to suggest similar things.
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point, you'll find this a very supportive community and I'm sure others will be along with their ideas shortly.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
46
Chesterfield
Hallo
My husband has dementia - the formal diagnosis was only 18 months ago but things have progressed rapidly. He is now very confused and frightened by his delusions, the main one being that, as he puts it, he is being murdered - by me chiefly, in the sense that I am doing nothing to prevent this.
There is a "conspiracy"with a mastermind who he calls the doctor and often sees in disguise on TV, and there's a code which I was to write down and "send in" from time to time (I do this by keying it into the TV remote)
He calls out for HELP often, in the hope that there's someone out there to help him. Heartbreakingly, he sometimes calls "'HELP, it's me. {his name}, I'm being murdered" He often becomes very angry .and verbally abusive with me because I am not helping in the way he wants me to (though doing everything I can to look after him with the help of carers) It doesn't help that he brings up things from the past in our (long!) marriage that I know have been unsatisfactory.

How can I best deal with all this. I know we are advised to appear to go along with delusions, not argue etc but how can I go along with being a murderer?
The poor man is totally helpless as he is also chair-bound. Part of his delusion is that in fact he can walk etc perfectly well but is being prevented somehow.

So I am also saying HELP!


.
Hi I am carer for my mum I know what you going through I have had this for 4.5 years she was only diagnosed last August but in the beginning she would tell people I was stealing from her I was trying to kill her and a whole range of other things .I now know it was the illness but it was very hard to deal with I too have also said how can I play along with some of the things she says .I have been so close to breaking point still am but her meds have been changed 6weeks ago and she is still having the delusions and paranoia but is calmer about it .I also have another tablet to give when I can see things starting to build up with her .
 

esjayem

New member
Aug 4, 2020
3
It sounds heartbreaking.

Things to try.

Dont watch the TV at all, just play old movies on the DVD.

Listen to music instead.

Ask for extra care hours from social services.

Request medication from the doctor to assist with the hallucinations

Request a respite stay for him.

Apply for attendance allowance if not already in receipt.

write down a ‘ menu’ of distractions you can use, eg would you like a cup of tea, or ‘is that a woodpecker in the garden, did I hear the front doorbell..?

Say ‘ I am just going to pop to the toilet’ and leave the room, just for a few minutes.



I wish I could think of anything else, wishing you strength!
thank you for these helpful ideas. A respite stay was actually booked just before lock-down, but now I feel we have missed the boat for this. But I am fortunate enough to have occasional respite breaks myself. We are trying some medication which may be working a bit. I will try the distraction ideas!
 

esjayem

New member
Aug 4, 2020
3
Oh, thats really tough. No you cant go along with this delusion, but equally, saying that hes wrong is not the answer either.

Im wondering what he is watching on TV. Does he watch a lot of crime - Lewis, Vera, et al? Lots of people with dementia confuse what they are seeing on TV with reality and think that what they are seeing relates directly to them. I remember mum watching a seemingly innocent nature program, but then being worried that there was tiger in the house that was going to eat her. I remember reading on here about someone with dementia watching a film in which there was a big fire and then they were convinced that their loft was on fire and rung the fire-brigade. If he is watching crime TV, perhaps now is the time to censor his watching habits and hope this delusion will fade.

Otherwise, keep reassuring him that you will look after him and will make sure that he stays safe.
thanks, i'm sure you are right about TV. I try to steer him towards sport and other innocuous programs. But there is little else to occupy him. at times when I'm not in the room with him. The radio can be a good resource at times.
 

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