• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

How to deal with a difficult situation

disi

Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
5,722
Ex pat living in Sweden
My husband who has Vascular Dementia has not been sleeping for the last few weeks. He wakes at around 1.30 and constantly comes in and out to me for the rest of the night. He has been on numerous sleeping tablets and calming medicine.

Our GP has suggested he go into respite for a couple of nights a week to give me a break. This sounds very good and I know it is. But the respite is next to the day centre he attends 5 days a week and really likes going.

I just don't know how to tell him and what his reaction will be when he comes home. It may completely put him off going to the day centre and make him so unhappy. He is very placid and I know I am very lucky with this. Without the day centre I know I would not be able to manage him.

Everyone is always telling me I must look after myself, I know this to be true, but I get so upset to think of Robert unhappy I just don't know what to do or say.

If only he would settle down again and sleep this problem would not arise. I know there is no magic button, but life is really difficult at times. Sorry I am going on but I know this site is where I can do it.

Love disi x
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello Disi give it a try thats all you can do, see how he gets on with staying at night, it will give you a rest, my hubby was up alot in the night, he is on sleeping pills now, which is good. Take care
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,070
Scotland
If he likes the day centre then he will probably think the respite is an extension of his day out. I would be saying something like " instead of a trip out with day centre on their bus they are offering you a sleepover, isn't that a great idea?" Let's try it!

I find that my husband comes home from day centre and asks me if I left early since I am meeting him at the door. He is thoroughly enjoying the company but as ever hasn't a clue who anyone is.
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
disi - you are Robert's ears, eyes and voice now - a responsibility we do not choose but dementia forces onto us so without regular "proper" sleep you will not be able to cope for long. As others have said, put aside your feelings of guilt and give the respite offer a try for both your sakes.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,087
Kent
If he likes the day centre then he will probably think the respite is an extension of his day out. I would be saying something like " instead of a trip out with day centre on their bus they are offering you a sleepover, isn't that a great idea?" Let's try it!
.
I think this advice is spot on. If your husband is so happy at the day centre and bedtime is handled with sensitivity, your husband will probably accept it as an extension to day care.

You can only try.