How to cope with my own rage?

[MD564]

Last year, while I was working abroad, my mum was diagnosed with Parkinson's. I came home this March to study and to be closer to her. My mum and dad divorced when I was 18 and she lives with a boyfriend of 5 years. Recently she's been doing things that are not quite right and I believe it's early onset Alzheimer's. My mum is my best friend. Every time she does something a bit off I want to burst into tears, I also get quite angry. It feels so unfair, she's such a wonderful person, a fantastic mum and she's only 62. I feel like a child still, I can't imagine my life without her, I don't know how I would cope.
I know this very selfish but I just keep thinking that when she is gone there will be nobody to love me anymore. That I will be truly alone in the world. I'm single, unemployed and studying, she's supported me through every step of my life.
I don't know how to come to terms with any of this, or how I can stop myself from feeling this sadness and rage, does anyone have any advice?

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @MD564, and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll get loads of help and advice here.
I totally understand your worry about your mum, but don't immediately assume your mother has dementia. There are various other things that can cause dementia like symptoms, so the first thing should be to get her to go to her GP. If she is under a consultant for her Parkinson's it might be worth contacting him to see if it's worth them calling her in for a check-up. I know things are more tricky due to covid but telephone and zoom consultations are taking place.
I'm sure others will be along with more suggestions, but in the meantime just enjoy being with her and try not to look too far ahead. I think it might be worth talking to your own GP about how you feel.

 

[canary]

I am so sorry to hear about your mum.
Fear and anger are very closely associated.
As your mum has Parkinsons it may be that she is getting side-effects from the Parkinsons medication