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How to cope with Mothers comments in street.

lienelruot

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
6
Unfortunate comments in public

My wife also comments on other people's appearances
in a restaurant one day a large lady passed our table she said loudly "look at the "a--e" on that! "
Completely out of character. She also joins in the conversations of people on adjacent tables but mainly they take it in good part
 

Night-owl

Registered User
Feb 10, 2011
22
S. Lincs
Mum's comments

My mum also commented on folk somewhat loudly, but fortunately not often. She used the word 'darkie' sometimes, and the 'n' word to describe a shade of dark brown; inevitable really as adverts too used this term when I was growing up. we had a conversation about this being 'hurtful these days', and 'chocolate brown' being nicer and she agreed, but a while later she reverted to her usual description. We had a mutual acquaintance, well she was an elderly friend of ours really, and when we stopped at her house one evening, I explained we were giving her a lift to church; Mam's reply was 'oh no, not that old misery'! I was startled and tried to hush her up with gestures etc. When I told a friend this she remarked, 'Well, your mum is always so positive, and H is quite negative about things isn't she?' This had never occurred to me, and I was grateful for the insight into both my mum's outlook on life and our friend's. It helped me appreciate my mother's character much more fully. Some of these posts have made me laugh too, and I'm struck by how accurate these remarks usually are, and how in some cultures such honesty is the norm; political correctness has its drawbacks in many ways! The cards idea seemed a very useful one to me.
 

Ellaroo

Registered User
Nov 16, 2015
161
Liverpool
My mum makes loud inappropriate comments when we are out.
One time whilst on respite mum announced in dinning room. one staff was so fat, only a young girl, fancy letting herself go like that.... Is she that thick nobody man will want to have sex with her .
Another time mum was with me in marks and spencer queue one xmas time.
My daughter bought brazilian knickers , Not a thong but mum had to comment .
We knew it was coming as she did her keith lemon face and said grinning oh dont let her buy them they wont cover the clitoris....
A few people laughed and when we got to till, staff said just divorced and comment had cheered her up, made her night. So Dementia isnt wasted , providing valuable service to community lol
 

Kathy1

Registered User
Mar 25, 2014
7
Like a small child

OH, himself "pleasantly plump", used to get fattist all of a sudden! Loud comments were made about "look how fat she is!" Also, ripped jeans, nose rings and purple hair always got a reaction. It was a relief when he stopped making comments altogether!

Hi everyone

I have come to my own conclusions on this type of behaviour. My mum comments on overweight people, wonky teeth etc. I think somewhere the brain reverts to loss of inhibitions, a bit like a small Child. Not easy to deal with I know but that,s my take
On it. I understand how difficult it is but we all need to acknowledge it is this awful condition at work that erodes away at the 'normal' person
 

kennedy1948

Registered User
Oct 7, 2013
58
Huntingdon
Every day I query how this dementia brain works as it seems to go the same way in so many people. My OH also sees the same people,cars,dogs that we saw last time we were out.He swears far more.. The other day in the co op he tried to " abduct " a small child from his mother as he was sure he was a little boy he new. Mothers face was a picture, Iexplained and she was fine.
I can't tell you how happy I am to read this ........I thought it was just my husband ! He has been diagnosed with vascular dementia for over 2 years and in the past 9 months has started to speak to everyone we meet and is adamant that he knows them or that they were there last time we were. He will turn round in a cafe to chat to little ones and some of the Mum's look concerned so I always explain.

We were in Sainsbury's recently and a rather large lady was holding a small dress against her as we walked by and he said ......very loudly, she'll never get into that I was mortified and almost pushed him out of the shop.
 

Shadow01

Registered User
Apr 13, 2013
62
Bedfordshire
mum has lost her on/off switch

With my my mum, it’s as though she has lost her on/off switch. :(
At work (she used to work in a car factory full of men…) she would swear a lot in normal conversation, make lewd comments. At home, out or in front of children she would keep the language appropriate.
Now she has reverted to being a naughty child with bad language. From her perspective, It’s as though she is looking for a laugh with strangers and they just don’t get it.
She always went to the hairdressers on a Friday and I have kept this going. The hairdressers would say … It’s OK we don’t mind her swearing. The trouble is that when she hears them it’s like an encouragement. So I have had to have words with them to stop saying it’s Okay. I have tried so hard to stop her and change the pattern. I try to pre-empt when she is likely to get vocal…. I now look her in the eye and put my finger to my mouth, This simply brings out a “ Right I have to keep my mouth shut” comment. This for me is much better . I cannot always get it on time but I have found it does reduce the instances.;)
Sometimes she will swear and then say … “I didn’t swear, I said foof”. And sometime she will say foof and then say I didn’t say F***.:eek:
She will also if stopped in time… put two fingers up the side of her face in defiance (just like a child)
I agree though it is tough.
 

Nasus

Registered User
May 12, 2010
21
Derbyshire
I felt fortunate to listen to my father's commentary as his dementia progressed. I was pleased that he kept his ability to speak. With me he could be quite subtly aggressive (e.g. why have you got to go now. You don't need to work. what have you done with your mother (long dead)). With visitors, even other relatives he could be very polite (but still not really remember what had happened). With other carers he could be both verbally rude and also physically aggressive ( e.g. because he hated being hoisted and would lash out). I learnt that this was not really how he would have wanted to behave and would gently talk to him about it, even when he didn't really understand, for example 'you didn't mean to hurt X ( a carer) she's always very kind to you'. Or 'were you talking to me when you said 'that woman looks a bit fat'? It helped, but it is a constant concern. Do keep in perspective that it is not a reflection on yourself at all. Explaining to people that you mother has dementia is a very good tactic - I like the idea of a brief card to give to people, it will help them to appreciate your position. Just keep showing your love and people will understand.
 

Alley

Registered User
Dec 14, 2015
5
Newhall, Derbyshire
Inappropriate comments

As Candlelight 67 commented, my wife also seems attracted to small babies and small children. She was diagnosed with Pick's disease recently and also can make inappropriate comments about non-white people, overweight people, people with coloured hair etc. Fortunately I don't think anyone has heard her yet, but if they do I will apologise and tell them about her illness. Other changes include being extremely lovey dovey, likes to do things at similar times, such as tea at 5pm, a drink about 8pm etc. As I've read a lot about behavourial variant front-temperal dementia (Pick's disease) the things she does is not uncommon. At least her memory is good at the moment and she is always happy.
 

EdenDesjardins

Registered User
May 25, 2015
19
It's the lack of inhibition within acceptable societal norms that characterizes late-stage Alzheimer's.. essentially functioning like without lack of a kinder word, animals.

There is only so much we can do but in time, it may be kinder on the public to take the people we look after outside only when the population density is at a minimum.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
There is only so much we can do but in time, it may be kinder on the public to take the people we look after outside only when the population density is at a minimum.
Or how about an effective Dementia Awareness approach that ensured that the general public know that this can be one of the issues/symptoms caused by the illness? If people know, then they are more likely to understand.

Its unfair, IMHO, to suggest that those people with dementia who do enjoy getting out and about, should be limited to only going out 'when the population density is at a minimum'. That feeds into the attitude that there is something shameful about illnesses that affect people's mental abilities - and its wrong :(